


Her Most Solemn Hour

by XSerendipity92X



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Dark Thoughts, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Evil Queen - Freeform, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Sex, No Curse, Once Upon A Time, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Regina Mills - Freeform, Romance, Storybrooke (Once Upon a Time), Swan Queen - Freeform, Trauma, Trauma Recovery, Trigger Warnings, Vulnerable Evil Regina | Regina Mills, dark tendencies, emma swan - Freeform, f/f - Freeform, savior, some domestic fluff in there if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 78,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24132052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XSerendipity92X/pseuds/XSerendipity92X
Summary: An abuser behind bars doesn't necessarily mean she's free. Regina must face the internal demons that threaten her happiness. With the help of her family, she learns to love, to feel, to cry, to live again. But what happens when it becomes too much and she starts to lose herself in the process? A hard decision must be made in order to help her find the light again. Sequel to A Queen Without A Crown. Trigger warnings inside. Swan Queen
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 42
Kudos: 157





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Setting - The whole story takes place right after A Queen Without A Crown, but the prologue is ahead by a year.
> 
> Summary - An abuser behind bars doesn't necessarily mean she's free. Regina must face the internal demons that threaten her happiness. With the help of her family, she learns to love, to feel, to cry, to live again. But what happens when it becomes too much and she starts to lose herself in the process? A hard decision must be made in order to help her find the light again.
> 
> General trigger warnings to be aware of throughout the story - This story deals with the aftermath of abuse. Be aware for Ptsd, depression, talk and flashbacks about rape and domestic violence, dark thoughts and tendencies. Also, I don't want to give anything away too soon, so I will be listing new trigger warnings as we go.
> 
> I know I have a terrible track record with updates, so I'm actually 5 chapters ahead. Everytime I finish one, I'll post an update. Thank you so much for following my new series and for all your patience and awesome reviews and support. I hope you'll enjoy this new journey with me.

Prologue - One Year Later

"Do you want to start with what brought you here?" Malory asked, or Dr. Blaze rather. She preferred to be on a first name basis with her patients. She felt more comfortable and less formal. The blonde psychologist observed the dark haired woman curled up on the couch before her. Her dark eyes were hard as she stared into the crackling fireplace. The room was dim with the flames and a small lamp lit in the corner of the room. It was the late evening and the sun had gone down. She had just arrived an hour before and once she had settled, Malory had her come into her office for her first therapy session. She was clearly less than enthusiastic about being at the cabin.

Regina didn't answer, her eyes still fixed on the dancing flames. After the emotional goodbye she just had with Sheriff Swan, Malory could see that was all she was thinking about. After going through her file, she knew what had brought the college professor here. She knew she was in an abusive marriage with the former mayor of Storybrooke. She knew about the ptsd. She also knew about the event that had brought her here. Although she knew it was Regina's choice to come here to her isolated rehabilitation cabin in the woods, it didn't mean she wanted to be here.

"You don't have to say anything at all," Malory said gently. "Everyone that comes here has their own way of processing what happened to them. They have their own way of grieving. Some talk, some are silent. Some cry or they laugh until they cry. Whatever works is completely up to you."

Regina was unreadable. She still wouldn't look at her. She was emotionally shut down and Malory knew with a heavy heart that she wasn't getting through to her tonight. Of course she wasn't. The patients that came here needed help beyond what normal weekly sessions of therapy can give them. There was a chance she might not even get through to her for months.

"Either way, we have to sit here for the hour. Those are the rules as you know."

Regina finally turned her dark eyes away from the flames and shot her a glare. A look like that would have sent any Storybrooke resident quivering to their knees. Thanks to her collaboration with Archie on this case, Malory was very aware who Professor Mills was and the fear she had established in the town of Storybrooke as the mayor's hot tempered wife. It didn't faze her at all. She suspected it was an isolation tactic she used to keep people from getting too close to her and finding out about the abuse. Like all patients before her that had gone through her extensive recovery program, she knew the hostility, the anger was all a facade to protect herself.

"I have nothing to say," she finally spoke in a raspy tone that indicated how mentally exhausted she really was. She was exhausted. Malory could see it in the way she furrowed her brow and the way her eyes seemed to be unfocused. They only had 40 more minutes left of their mandatory session and she intended to see it through.

"Start at the beginning," Malory encouraged.

"I've done the therapy crap!" she suddenly snapped, her lip curling and her eyes blazing. If she really was the Evil Queen from Henry's storybook as she had learned from Archie's history, Malory had no doubt she would have gotten a fireball to the face.

"I know you don't want to be here, Regina. I know you'd rather be home with your family, but you made the decision to come here for a reason. You want to get better. Emma wants you to get better." The moment Emma's name tumbled from her lips, Regina became defensive.

"Don't you dare bring her into this!" she snapped and Malory raised her hands in mock surrender.

"Ok, fine," she tried diffusing the situation. "But Regina, the whole point about being here is to help you get better. In order for me to do that. You need to let me in. You need to let me earn your trust."

"So I'm a prisoner now until I give you my whole sob story?"

"You know that's not what I meant," Malory said sternly. "You know what you have to do."

Regina became silent again, her gaze fell to her hands which were suddenly trembling. Malory tilted her head slightly in curiosity and discretely took note of that on her clipboard, remembering seeing a notation of the nervous tick in Archie's notes.

"I don't know where to start," she suddenly admitted in a shaky voice and Malory could see a bit of the defiance crumbling enough to see her uncertainty. "I don't know where my story begins."

"How about you start with your relationship with Mary Margaret?" she asked, studying Regina for a reaction. The relationship between the two women was non-existent. According to Archie, it had gone from bad to worse in the past year since the trial with Leopold.

At the mention of her step daughter, Regina closed her eyes for a moment, her heart rate speeding up just a bit and her hands still trembled. Malory didn't rush her, knowing how important it was that she go at her own pace. And then after a few silent moments, Regina reigned in her anger for the younger woman she absolutely loathed and opened her eyes. She swallowed heavily and her eyes found comfort in the flames as she finally spoke.

"I can't discuss this."

"That's ok," Malory assured her. "We can talk about it when you're able to. Like I said, everyone has their own way of talking about what happened. I'm not going to push you. You're allowed to set your own pace. I'm just here to listen. That's the point of these hour long sessions."

"I don't want to say anything right now," her voice was void and Malory could see the tiny piece of vulnerability she had shown was now gone. She had once again emotionally shut down completely.

And so they sat in silence.

* * *

"Mary Margaret, I didn't send her to the looney bin. It's an isolated rehabilitation program meant to help her. She's getting one on one therapy up in the woods in a cabin with one of the best psychologists in Maine. Archie recommended her and has been working with her since Regina started getting worse," Emma explained to her former roommate as she moved around the kitchen with her cell between her ear and shoulder. She had just gotten back from driving Regina and was exhausted from the 3 hour trip outside of Storybrooke. She took out the take out menu from one of the drawers. She was too exhausted to cook. "It was her choice to go. I didn't abandon her."

"I don't like this Emma. I don't want her to think we just gave up on her." Mary Margaret was clearly upset. She was amazed at how protective the petite school teacher was for her former stepmother no matter how nasty Regina increasingly got with her lately.

"We're not," she sighed, exhaustion evident in her voice. She rubbed her hand over her face, willing herself to keep it together. She's cried enough today. "She needs help…" Those last words came out as a sob. She was suddenly glad that Henry was staying the night with Ruby. She wasn't sure what kind of emotional state she'd be in once she dropped off Regina. She didn't want to worry the poor kid more than he already was. After all, he was the one that found Regina when she... She shook her head at that thought, not wanting to think about that particular memory. Instead she thought of the tears streaming down her girlfriend's cheeks and the terrified desperation in those dark eyes as she begged her to take her back home. She had started to back out the moment they reached the cabin, but Emma had to be strong and remind her why she wanted to do this. She sank to the floor then, her back against the counter as she let herself sob.

"I just wasn't enough to help her," she cried into the phone with Mary Margaret's worried voice softly calling her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't catch it, Dr. Malory Blaze is Maleficent :)


	2. Chapter 1 New House, New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their new house is the blue house Hook and Emma bought in season 5.
> 
> Trigger Warnings - panic attack, vague consensual sexual intimacy, talk of miscarriage but not graphic at all

_Present Time - Directly after A Queen Without A Crown_

Her heart was pounding in her ears. Her breaths were shaky and rapid. Her hands trembled as she stood on the porch of the manor. Despite how anxious Regina felt being back here, this was something she needed to do. It's been a couple months since the trial with Leopold. During that time Graham was sentenced as well. Regina felt like he got off easy. He was only serving 8 years. Although, she had the feeling she had seen the last of him. She slid the key from her coat pocket and shakily slid it into the lock. Throughout the week Emma, Mary Margaret, and David have been going back and forth moving Henry's bedroom furniture and boxes to the new house. All that was left was for Regina to come pack her own things. There wasn't much for her to pack. Just clothes and maybe photos and personal items.

She turned the key into the lock and pushed open the door. A sense of foreboding washed through her. She hasn't been back since the night she ran. Emma came walking up the steps and she was startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," the sheriff pulled her hand back. Regina turned to her, and shakily took her hand. She needed her here with her. She needed her here to help ground herself.

"No, I didn't mean to flinch away from you," she softly admitted with a slight blush on her cheeks. "I just haven't been here since… Being here brings back a lot of bad memories." She felt Emma taking her hand and looked down to their joined fingers.

"We'll do this together," her girlfriend whispered. "Whenever you're ready." Regina knew Emma was letting her be in control and she loved her for that. She took a deep breath and finally stepped past the threshold. Emma had left a bunch of boxes in the foyer earlier that week when they were packing up Henry's room. She grabbed a box, suddenly not sure where to start.

Sensing she was overwhelmed, Emma picked up one of the boxes. "Do you want to start downstairs?" she asked, wanting to let Regina have control of the situation no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. She knew how important that was for someone coming out of a trauma like Regina had.

"I don't have much down here that I want," she admitted. "Maybe just some coats in the foyer closet and some photo albums."

"Ok, let's grab that first and then head upstairs?" Emma suggested.

Once they had cleared the downstairs of any items Regina wanted to keep, they both headed upstairs with a couple of new boxes if not more on Regina's insistence. She admitted with a slight blush that she had a lot of books. So they had loaded them up with those books, plus clothes, more photos, any toiletries that Regina had left and makeup. She grabbed whatever trinkets and belongings that were hers and then soon enough they were stacking the boxes by the front door. There was even a crate full of all the liquor Leopold had stashed that Emma gladly helped herself to. After they had covered all the furniture with sheets and cleared out all the food from the kitchen, Regina knew she couldn't keep avoiding it. There was one more room she needed to close up.

"All done?" Emma asked her as they met in the foyer.

"There's one more room," she admitted. "And I was hoping you can close it up for me."

"Of course," she said, her green eyes shining with confusion. "Are you ok?"

She didn't answer because of course she wasn't. She took out another key from her pocket and handed it to Emma. "The first door to the right. It's locked," she explained. "If you don't mind covering the furniture inside. There's nothing in there I want."

Emma nodded questioningly as she took the key and picked up some of the white furniture covers. She had noticed the locked door throughout the week while she had been packing up Henry's room. She just didn't think anything of it other than it might just be an extra unused room.

"You'll understand once you see what it is. I just can't bring myself to walk in there. No need to lock the door, dear. Just leave the key on the shelf when you're done."

"Ok, love," Emma nodded and kissed her cheek, a hand going up and caressing it. "I'll be back."

* * *

Emma slid the key into the lock, wondering what could possibly be behind this door that had Regina so shaken. She pushed open the door and her question was immediately answered. She had to force herself from breaking down right then and there. It was the nursery. It was the damn nursery for the baby Regina lost.

"That son of a bitch," she grumbled, hot white anger building inside her as she took in the white furniture, lavender wallpaper, and the bookshelf filled with baby books, stuffed animals and toys. Above the crib, decorative wall letters spelled out the name _Rosalie_. With a sinking feeling in her gut, she realized she had already named the baby. That bastard took everything from her.

She started draping the sheets over the furniture, desperately trying to stay strong. And then she came to the bookshelf. There were two frames. One of a pregnant Regina sitting on the rocking chair in this very room. She looked so beautiful with her swollen belly and slightly fuller cheeks. She was smiling, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. The picture next to it was an ultrasound of a 5 month old fetus. The baby…

"I'm sorry kid," she whispered and left the key on the shelf between the two frames. After closing up the room, she rushed downstairs to see Regina. She was exactly where she left her, standing in the middle of the foyer and nervously fidgeting her hands. Her eyes flickered anxiously as Emma came towards her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to send you up there. I just can't do it myself," she practically said in one breath. Emma took her in her arms, trying to calm her. Her breaths were rapid and she clung tightly to Emma. She can hear her sniffling as if she were holding back tears and Emma realized she was starting to have an anxiety attack.

"Breathe, baby," she coaxed her softly. "It's ok." She rubbed her back, trying to get her to take some deep breaths. Anxiety attacks were common lately. "Count backwards from 10."

"Emma…" She was gasping, her breaths quick and Emma was afraid she'd pass out at the rate she was going.

"Ok, so counting ain't working. Think about the dress you're wearing for our date tonight. Describe it to me," she suggested, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"Um, it's black…" she gasped.

"I love that color on you," Emma whispered into her ear. "What color do you want me to wear tonight?"

"I don't…"

"Come on, you can tell me," Emma held her tighter, desperately trying to help her come out of it.

"The red one you wore on our first date," she whispered.

"And what did we do on our first date?"

"We… went to Tony's…" Her breaths started regulating. "You tried the lasagna and… you insulted mine."

Emma chuckled at the memory. She had slipped up and said it was the best she'd ever had until Regina started glaring daggers at her. She then swore she didn't mean it and Regina's was better. Of course the brunette didn't believe her.

"I told you your's was better," Emma laughed.

"You only said it to appease me!" Regina argued. "I'm never cooking for you again."

Emma giggled, pulling her into a kiss and feeling her completely relaxing. The anxiety had faded and her breathing was normal again. "There you are," she whispered, pulling away and leaning her forehead against her girlfriends. Regina's brown eyes sparkled, and Emma's heart nearly damn melted when she gave her an eskimo kiss. How was she so adorable?

"I see what you did."

"Do you want to get out of here?" she asked and Regina nodded eagerly. She could understand why Regina was anxious to get out of here. Being in this house probably opened up so many fresh wounds. After all, it's only been two months since she was last here.

After they had loaded the boxes into the pick up truck they borrowed from David, Regina insisted there was one more thing she needed to get. She went back into the mansion as Emma finished loading the last of the boxes. It was amazing how many books this woman had. As they had been packing them in the boxes, she had noticed with a sinking feeling that most of them were political books. She had remembered that Mary Margaret had mentioned she was forced to major in politics. She had remembered Regina mentioning she had dreamed of becoming a vet that specializes in equine medicine. She had maybe one or two books on the subject. Another thing that had been cruelly taken from her.

Emma was just about done when the garage door opened, and the black Mercedes Benz drove out on the street, stopping and parking right behind the truck. Emma's mouth hung open in surprise as she went over to the driver side window to find Regina adjusting her seat to her standard.

"You're taking his car?" she asked.

"Correction, Miss Swan," she drawled out. "The Benz is _my_ car. He had the audacity to take it from me after I first tried to escape."

"Wow! Can I drive it sometimes?" she asked excitedly.

"No!" she instantly crushed Emma's hopes. "No one drives her but me."

"Fine," she sighed, trying not to laugh. "Follow behind me?"

Regina nodded and Emma shook her head in amusement as Regina immediately took off so that Emma was forced to follow her instead.

* * *

They had gotten Ruby to babysit tonight much to Henry's delight. After spending the day unpacking some of the boxes in the new house, both Emma and Regina got ready for their date. Regina was still upstairs as Emma observed her reflection in the hall mirror downstairs. Henry was currently finishing his homework in the living room before Ruby arrived.

"You look fine ma!" Henry groaned and Emma rolled her eyes affectionately. Going on dates with Regina always made her feel nervous but yet giddy. She was so excited and could hardly wait to go. Despite everything that's happened, Regina was finally opening herself to Emma, letting her see bits and pieces of who she was each day.

The doorbell rang, shaking her from her musings of her girlfriend. She opened the door and let Ruby in.

"Wow, you clean up nice Swan," Ruby complimented her as she walked into the hall. Emma closed the door behind her and took her coat. She hung it on the rack.

"Thanks Rubes," she smiled and then led her to the living room where Henry happily greeted her with a hug.

"Ready for more Mario Kart competitions?" he asked.

"You bet!" Ruby grinned. "I'm so beating you this time Mills!"

"Now I want to stay and play too," Emma laughed.

"And cancel our date?" Regina asked as she came down the steps. Emma turned and couldn't help but let her eyes look her up and down. She looked so beautiful wearing a black dress that showed off her curves perfectly. She wore black heels, giving her the slight height advantage. Her hair was perfectly curled and her make up brought out her dark eyes and high cheekbones. Those red lips were smiling at her. She definitely knew the effect she had on the blonde sheriff.

"Wow, you look so beautiful," Emma gasped, making Ruby suppress a giggle as she gawked at her girlfriend. Regina came down the rest of the steps and kissed Emma on the cheek.

"You look beautiful too my darling," she said softly, appreciating the soft curves the red dress emphasized. God, she loved this dress. Emma wore it on their first date and she practically gawked at her all night, unable to tear her eyes away.

"Ugh, they do this all the time," Henry groaned, plopping on the couch and setting up their game.

"We'd better be going, love," Emma chuckled.

"Indeed," Regina agreed. "Thank you so much Ruby. He's already eaten dinner and he can have one bag of popcorn tonight. Bed no later than 9:00."

"Got it, Dr. Mills."

After saying their goodbyes they finally left the house, leaving Ruby and Henry to their game. Emma was heading to the yellow bug, but was stopped when Regina took her hand and led her to the Benz parked in the driveway.

"You really love this car don't you," Emma laughed as they got in. She sat in the passenger seat as Regina adjusted her mirrors and put on her seatbelt.

"It's been so long since I drove it," she sighed, her eyes flickering as she remembered Leopold forcefully taking the keys from her after the first time she ran. She was 18 at the time and had jumped into the Benz after a particularly bad beating, her father's old car and drove only to be stopped at the town line by Graham. He turned a blind eye to the bruises on her face and took her right back home. She had never driven her car since then. Emma reached out and placed her hand on her thigh, giving her a comforting squeeze. Regina smiled at her and then turned back to the road as she drove out of the driveway.

* * *

Dinner was perfect. They had chosen a seafood restaurant by the pier this time. Now they were indulging in their wine. Well Regina was since she decided to let Emma drive the Benz home. Emma was ecstatic about that and stuck purely to water. She topped off Regina's wine as the brunette animatedly told her a story of Henry when he was two and getting into trouble. She looked so beautiful with her cheeks flushed from the alcohol, her eyes glowing as she talked about their son.

"I would have loved to see him at that age," Emma laughed as she finished her story. Regina took a sip of her wine.

"He was trouble," she said fondly with a small reminiscing smile. "I had a hard time keeping up with him after he learned to walk."

"I'm not surprised," Emma laughed. "How do you feel about your first night at the new house?"

Regina took a sip of her wine again and gave Emma a thoughtful smile. She was so relaxed and so happy and Emma couldn't remember if she'd ever glowed like this before. She can see she's been so stressed out these past two months staying at the loft. Not only was she still reeling from the trial and all the responsibilities that came with it, she had become super anxious about closing up the mansion. She was hesitant about going back to the place that held so many traumatic memories. Also she and Mary Margaret were walking on eggshells. Regina still blamed the younger woman for all that went wrong in her life and although she tried her best to remain civil with the woman, there were times where Regina couldn't seem to hold her anger back. Another stress factor Emma had noticed was that David was around all the time. Of course he was since he and Mary Margaret were engaged. He, Emma, and Henry actually became very good friends with him and enjoyed hanging out with him. Regina was wary and she was too nervous to be in the same room with him alone. Due to all these stress factors, Regina would spend a lot of extra hours at work instead of coming home. Emma hoped the transition to the new house would help ease her anxiety and make her more comfortable.

"For the first time in my life I feel like I'm home."

Emma reached across the table and took her hand, sliding her fingers between hers.

"And you deserve that," Emma assured her seriously because if anyone deserved to finally feel at home in the world it was Regina and that was coming from a former lost girl.

"Sometimes I wake up and I forget," the brunette whispered, her eyes suddenly going dark. "I wake up and think I'm with him and I start to panic and then somehow in your sleep you know that I'm about to fall apart. You always somehow sense it and pull me closer to you and I immediately start to breathe again."

"You know that you can always wake me when that happens, right?"

"I know," she looked away, her cheeks blushing as she took a sip of her wine.

"You want to get out of here, love?"

Regina nodded and after finishing off her wine they made it out to the Benz. The moment the fresh air washed over her, the wine she consumed hit her and she was giggling as Emma tried to keep her from stumbling.

"You're so adorable when you drink," Emma laughed, helping her girlfriend into the passenger seat of the car. Regina made a face at that, not appreciating the term, adorable.

"Keep pushing it Swan and you're not driving the Benz."

"Well if that's the case then it'll have to stay here all night while we get a cab because you're not driving anywhere," Emma said smugly, not missing the half serious glare Regina shot at her as she closed the passenger door and got behind the wheel.

* * *

They made it into the house, barely able to keep their hands off of each other. Even as they thanked Ruby and saw her out. Even after they checked on Henry and then finally they made it to their bedroom. Clothes were thrown all over, landing on the floor and the boxes that had yet to be unpacked. Emma pushed Regina down on the bed, slightly too low as they haven't set up the bed frame yet. It was just a mattress and box spring on the floor for now.

Regina rested her hands on Emma's chest as she drew her into a long passionate kiss filled with want. She felt Emma slip a knee between her legs, her dress hiking up and bunching at the hips. Emma's hands were everywhere as they kissed until they were forced to come up for air. Emma hovered above her, their eyes meeting in silent question. Emma still asked her out loud though, just like all the other times they had sex since their first time in the loft.

"Can I touch you?"

"Yes," she whispered, her heart warming from the care and consideration Emma always gave her. She always made sure she was comfortable. She always made sure she consented and that she was ready. She gasped as she felt a hand slip into her panties, Emma suddenly burying her face into her neck, kissing and sucking. She moaned, the hand between her legs stroking and working her up. She never went inside though. That was still a rule between them.

They both took their time pleasuring each other slowly and passionately. The wine Regina had made her so relaxed and in turn made Emma's touch much more heightened. She just couldn't seem to get enough. Emma had woken up a drive in her she never knew she could possess after spending so long with a husband that took what he wanted in the most violent of ways.

When they were both sated they fell asleep in each other's arms. Regina insisted Emma to be the little spoon much to Emma's dismay. She insisted she felt too tall to spoon in the shorter woman's arms. Regina wouldn't hear of it and cuddled Emma from behind, holding her close as they both fell into a peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and please review!


	3. Chapter 2 Andante Andante

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. I developed some bad tendinitis in my wrist and it was too painful to even write a sentence. Its getting better but it's still painful. Of course I don't have health coverage so I've been trying to self treat. I'm lucky if I can even get a paragraph in a day which is why it took so long for me to get an update to you guys.
> 
> So I've noticed in the reviews for both FanFiction and Archive of Our Own that are in the first story "A Queen Without a Crown" A lot of readers are saying Regina and Emma got together way too quick, and you know what I actually agree with that and regret it. The thing is, that story was the first story I've written in a really long time, and of course its not perfect. It is what it is. If I ever get the chance or inspiration to go back and rewrite it I would, and I'd make their journey a little longer in becoming a couple. Bottom line though, in the end of the day it's fanfiction. I'm not a professional writer. It's a hobby that I enjoy and I shouldn't have to worry about making every little detail perfect or realistic. The way I tell the story is the way I tell it even if I do make mistakes or regret things I felt I could've done better. At the time that I wrote it, I didn't even realize I was rushing their relationship too fast. But instead of going back and changing it, I want to move forward and learn from it and make sure the next piece I write, my characters don't jump into a fast relationship. That being said, enjoy this chapter and hopefully I can get the next chapter out as soon as possible. I do need to limit my time typing for my wrist to heal so I'm so sorry if these next chapters take a while.

Chapter 2 Andante Andante

Maybe it was the stress of the day. Maybe it was too much wine. Maybe it was even the seafood. But Regina's mind was swirling with nightmares as she slept. Nightmares full of her ex husband, raising his hand to her, yelling in her face, holding her down in the middle of the night. And then she was dreaming of the night he pushed her down the stairs. The night she lost her baby. The stress of knowing she'd have to go back to the house and close the nursery must have triggered it. The memory came in flashes. She could remember Leopold screaming in her face. The raw fear she felt that night and the pain that followed after when he took a swing to her face. She remembered running from the bedroom, her five month belly weighing her down. She could hear herself screaming the moment she felt his hand on her back, pushing her. She went down, belly first onto the steps.

She remembered the unbearable pain as she tumbled to the bottom.

She remembered sobbing, desperate anguished sobs wracking her body as she curled up at the bottom of the steps. She looked up at him at the landing from where he had violently pushed her.

His eyes bore down at her, cold and unrelenting. That's all she could remember from that night.

She woke up in a jolt, a scream on her lips and Emma was up just as fast, pulling her into her arms. She screamed louder at the contact, pushing her away violently.

Leopold…

All she could think of was Leopold. His hands grabbing her, shaking her violently when she'd wake up from night terrors. Suddenly she was back in that bed. Back in the mansion and she couldn't breathe. She couldn't snap out of the flashback. She didn't even register Emma calling her name.

She barely even heard Henry knocking panicky on the door and Emma cursing, struggling to get clothes on and then tightly wrapping the comforter around her own naked body before opening the door.

She was crying hysterically, fighting to get air into her lungs. She couldn't even comprehend Emma talking to Henry and then the next thing she knew a small force barreled into her, holding her tight. She could feel a small head of hair against her chest and a weight on her lap.

"Henry?" she whispered, finally starting to come out of it. She brought a hand up to his head, and ran her fingers through his hair. She wasn't sure who was comforting who at this point. She could hear his muffled sobs buried in her chest.

"Regina?" Emma's whispered voice shook from somewhere beside the bed.

"Mom, you were screaming!" Henry cried in her chest and she hugged him tightly against her. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she still couldn't seem to catch her breath. She was shaking so hard and tried to quiet the sobs from escaping. She felt like the walls were closing in. Her chest felt heavy with fear and panic.

It wasn't until she felt another person, holding her then she finally was able to quiet her sobs. Emma was suddenly hugging her from behind, holding both her and Henry. She had climbed up on the bed, wrapped her arms around her and held her. She had buried her face into the crook of her neck, quietly whispering that she was ok. That she was safe and that she was home.

They stayed huddled on the bed for a long time until Regina's breathing finally evened out and the tears had stopped. By the time her body stopped trembling Henry had fallen asleep. Emma's head was resting on her shoulder. She had stopped whispering a while ago and Regina would have thought she fell asleep if it wasn't for the hand slowly rubbing her back.

"Regina?" Emma whispered into her ear. "Can I take Henry back to bed?"

Regina nodded, silently thanking Emma for giving her a moment alone to breath and gather her bearings. She missed the warmth of Emma's body against her when she moved off the bed and gathered a sleeping Henry into her arms. She left the room with their son in tow and Regina fell back against the pillows on Emma's side of the bed. She felt so nauseous from her night terror plus all the wine she consumed that night was catching up to her in a form of a headache. She snuggled into Emma's pillow, breathing in her girlfriend's scent for comfort.

Emma finally walked in and turned on the small bedside lamp, casting a dim glow across the room. She had a glass of water and some aspirin in her hand. The blonde sat on the bed beside her and handed them over. Regina sat up as well, gratefully taking the items with trembling hands.

"I figured you'd need this. A night terror and a hangover might not be the best combination, huh?"

Regina shook her head as she knocked back the pills and drank the cold refreshing water. "Thank you, Emma," she said, setting the cup on the nightstand and settling back against Emma's pillow. Emma reached out, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Her green eyes were full of worry but never pity. Emma never made her feel like someone to feel sorry for.

"You don't look so good babe," Emma said shakily, not at all liking how pale she was or how she couldn't stop trembling. Her dark eyes were haunted and full of fear from her night terror.

"Gee thanks," she tried rolling her eyes but it took too much effort.

"No, just that you look really pale," Emma clarified, not meaning to offend her or anything. She was just worried.

"I know what you mean," she said softly. "I don't feel good either."

Emma turned off the lamp and then got into bed with her, forcing her to move back to her side.

"Pillow stealer," Emma accused playfully as they settled into each other's arms. This time Regina was the little spoon. Regina chuckled tiredly and snuggled into her girlfriend, placing a sweet kiss on her beating heart. Emma gave her a kiss through her hair in response.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked and Regina felt a jolt of panic go through her. Images of Leopold's cold eyes staring down at her from the landing sent a shudder down her spine.

"I was dreaming of him again," was all she was willing to share. Emma nodded in acceptance, not wanting to push her. "I'm so sorry I scared you. I scared Henry," Regina continued.

"We'll talk to Henry tomorrow and as for me, it takes a whole lot more to scare me," Emma said. "And don't apologize. Don't ever apologize for this. I'm here with you." Her eyes grew misty at those words. She's had plenty of night terrors in the past where Leopold would get angry at her for waking him. He'd kick her out and she'd be forced to sleep in the study. He'd slap her awake and yell in her face or shake her until she realized where she was. Sometimes he'd go as far as literally kicking or pushing her off the bed if she woke up screaming.

Emma and Henry held her and sat with her until she was able to breathe again. Emma was there with her, comforting her until she realized she was at home and safe and not in bed with that monster. She snuggled deeper into Emma and this time she was able to sleep without nightmares.

* * *

Emma was the first to wake up. She opened her eyes to see Regina fast asleep on her side of the bed, facing her. She could see evidence of tear tracks on her face from last night. Regina had in fact scared the living daylights out of her when she had woke up screaming, which was to be expected if being suddenly awakened like that. The moment she realized it was Regina having a night terror she was able to calm her racing heart and comfort her. She reached out, caressing her lover's cheek and then pulling the blanket up over her shoulder and covering her exposed breasts in case Henry decided to pop in unannounced. She got up, went to the bathroom to freshen up and then got ready for the day. By the time she was done she decided to go make some coffee for when Regina woke up.

It was Saturday and that meant the college professor could sleep in although she knew she had a lot of lesson planning to get done today. After starting the coffee, she went into the room that would be converted into a downstairs study. She wanted Regina to have a place where she could get her work done. She opened the windows, letting the morning light in and then started setting up the new desk she had purchased as a surprise. Regina had no idea she was setting a study up for her and had figured the room was going to be used as a guest room.

She didn't even realize a couple of hours had passed by the time she had the desk assembled and the new comfortable office chair. She moved the boxes of books by the empty shelves, waiting to be put away. She looked around the room. The desk and chair was set up on the far side of the room. To the left were the shelves and boxes of books. To the right side of the wall there was a couch. Behind her was a fireplace. The furniture was of weathered oak, giving the room an old vintage rustic look.

Satisfied with her work, she realized a couple of hours had passed and Henry or Regina hasn't come down yet. She went upstairs and peeked into Henry's room. He wasn't in bed and so she figured maybe he was with his mom. She went over to the master bedroom and opened the door just a crack to see mother and son cuddled together. Regina had put on some clothes and was sitting up with him cuddled into her side. She was talking to him and Emma guessed it was about what happened last night.

Not wanting to bother them, she quietly stepped away and went back downstairs. She busied herself with making breakfast, trying desperately to keep her head straight and her emotions in check. Everytime she thought about last night… Everytime Regina's fearful panicked screams echoed in her mind, she just wanted to break down right then and there. She wanted to scream and demand why this had to happen to such a beautiful kind hearted soul who didn't deserve any of the abuse she had to go through in her life. She shouldn't have been trapped for 18 years with that bastard. Why didn't anyone ever help pull her out? Why did she still have to live with it now that she was free? Why did she have to suffer from the ptsd… the dark memories that woke her up screaming in the middle of the night?

"You're burning the eggs dear," Regina's rich voice was suddenly in her ear and her hand on the small of her back, pulling her from the dark thoughts swirling in her mind. Regina leaned in from behind her, kissing her cheek and then pulling away to turn off the pilot. She had completely zoned out and didn't hear her girlfriend coming down the stairs.

Emma turned in her arms and pulled Regina into a kiss, her hands combing through dark locks that grew since the first time they met. God, that first day had seemed like a lifetime ago now. Those rough days where they had fought tooth and nail over Henry. When they had loathed each other. When they pulled away she brought both hands to Regina's cheeks, her thumb tracing the scar on her upper lip. His ring had caught it, she had mentioned once.

"I saw you talking to Henry," she stated, worry seeping into her voice. Regina gave her a small smile.

"I tried explaining to him the best I can while keeping it child appropriate. He's a little shaken up but he's ok. He's in the shower right now." She turned away, fixing herself a cup of coffee and taking that first grateful sip.

"I have a surprise for you," Emma smiled coyly, deciding now to show her the study she was working on early this morning. Regina tilted her head in curiosity but let Emma take her hand and lead her to the closed door located just past the living room.

"The guest room?" Regina chuckled, sipping her coffee as Emma put her hand on the door and then faced her girlfriend.

"Nope," she grinned, "I made it into your study." She pushed open the door and let Regina walk in. Her mouth hung open in awe as she walked in, seeing the beautiful desk and bookshelves. The windows were open and letting in light. The fireplace was lit, waiting for it's new occupant to enjoy it's warmth.

"You're giving me this room?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with wonder.

"Yeah, I want you to have your own space to do your work," Emma replied as if it was the most obvious reason. She then went over to the couch and pulled out a small wooden foldable table that was between the arm of the couch and the wall. She set it up in front of the couch. "And I know you and Henry have your routine of doing homework and college work together so this is for the kid."

"You did this for me?" she asked as if she really couldn't believe it. Emma wondered if anyone had ever genuinely given her anything without expecting something in return.

"Of course, babe." She took the mug of coffee from her hands and set it on the mantle and then pulled her into her arms, hugging her tightly. Regina wrapped her arms around her neck, hugging her close. She felt her press a sweet kiss under her ear.

"Thank you, darling," Regina whispered and then pulled back and captured her lips with hers. The kiss was slow and sweet and full of so much adoration for one another. Emma moaned into Regina's mouth, wanting to kiss her forever but she needed to breathe. Reluctantly, they both pulled away from each other. Regina caressed her cheek, looking at her as if she were her whole world. Emma can get lost just staring into those soulful brown orbs.

"It's not exactly done," Emma explained. "I wanted you to be able to furnish it the way you want it. I just started you off with the furniture."

"It's perfect," she smiled and then excitedly went over to the desk. She ran her hand along the wood and looked up at her girlfriend. "So this is why you disappeared this morning," she mused as she settled into the chair, squaring up her shoulders and looking every bit of the sassy college professor she was.

"Ohh, professor Mills," Emma said sultrily as she came over and sat on the edge of the desk. She squealed out in surprise when Regina suddenly pulled her towards her, urging her to straddle her lap. Emma complied and soon enough they were in a heated make out session.

The moment they heard Henry's heavy steps coming down the stairs, they breathlessly pulled apart. Emma rested her forehead against her girlfriends, both of them breathing heavily. Regina's hands squeezed her behind making Emma smirk at Regina's mischievous smile. Her eyes gleamed trouble and she couldn't help but give her a quick peck on the lips before gently climbing off of her.

"Moms!" Henry's voice sounded from the kitchen.

"Be right there kid!" Emma yelled back and then knelt in front of Regina so they were at the same level. She wanted to check in with her before going into the kitchen for breakfast. The mischievous gleam in Regina's eyes faded into concern as she met her gaze. Emma took her hands in hers, softly rubbing circles with her thumb.

"I just want to see how you're feeling after last night."

She could see her swallow nervously, her gaze falling past her shoulder and into the flames of the hearth. Emma tilted her head as she realized she was emotionally dissociating herself. Has she always done that? If she has, how hasn't she noticed before?

"Regina?"

She didn't respond, her gaze still fixed on the flames but it looked as if she were a million miles away. Emma grabbed her upper arms, gently squeezing them and trying to get her to look at her by blocking the fireplace with her head. Regina's eyes only looked right through her.

"Talk to me, baby," she whispered, reaching up and gently taking her chin and forcing her to look at her. "Come on, Gina." Brown eyes finally flickered and she could see her coming back. She could see the change in her expression. Her eyes misted over and her chin trembled as tears started to flow down her cheeks.

"Hey now, don't cry," Emma softly soothed her. She stood up and pulled her into her arms, hugging her and holding her close. Regina was stiff at first but then Emma felt her relax and melt into the embrace. She cried into her shoulder, and Emma just held her until the tears had stopped. She slowly pulled away, reaching up and caressing her cheek lovingly.

"Last night was pretty intense, huh?"

"I'm sorry Emma," she whispered, her eyes down casting and focusing on her suddenly shaking hands. An anxious symptom she had developed the last few months living with Leopold and hasn't been able to stop it. Emma took them in her hands to help still them. She ducked her eyes to try and meet Regina's.

"Remember what I said last night," she reminded her. "Don't ever apologize. I'm here with you." Regina finally looked at her. She can see the apprehension in those dark eyes. She can see fear.

"The moment I woke up I thought he was with me and I panicked. I could hear you talking to me but I couldn't snap out of it. I couldn't breathe or function. It was like I was frozen in my own fear."

"When that happens I'm going to ask you three questions," Emma said, hoping perhaps this method will help. She remembered the woman in charge of a group home she stayed at using this technique on a young teen that was abused by her own mother. "Where are you? Who am I? And what do I make you feel?"

"I'm home. You're Emma. You love me and you make me feel safe."

"There you go," Emma chuckled through her own tears that had fallen. She quickly wiped them away and stood, reaching her hand out to her girlfriend. Regina took her hand and allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. Emma drew her into another kiss, slow but passionate. Hungry but comforting.

"Moms! Hurry up!" Henry's voice calling from the kitchen broke them apart. Emma rested her forehead against Regina's. Her heart melted when the brunette gave her an eskimo kiss. A small smile on her lips even through her tears. Emma couldn't resist placing kisses all over. Her lips, her chin, both her cheeks, her temple, her nose, turning that smile into a full blown grin. The anxiousness in those brown eyes now shining with so much love

"I love your adorableness," she laughed and then laughed harder when Regina scrunched her nose in disgust at the word adorableness.

* * *

They spent the day unpacking. They didn't have much since Emma didn't own a lot of things besides clothes, necessities and very little personal items. Regina mainly just had clothes and books while Henry had the most. He spent the day fixing up his room while Regina excitedly fixed up her new study. She was cross legged on the floor in front of the new bookshelves Emma had put in. She was surrounded by boxes as she put her books away. The shelves were the same weathered oak as the desk. They weren't tall. Just tall enough to reach the window sill so that the windows were not blocked. Blue curtains covered the windows, but for now they were tied to .the side to let in the light. She loved the rustic feel Emma went with. It made the room feel homey. Nothing like the cold decor of the mansion.

"Babe, do you need help?" Emma walked in with two mugs of hot tea. "I'm done with my 3 boxes and I'm exhausted from putting our and Henry's bed frames together."

"Sorry you only have three boxes," she said as the blonde handed her a mug and then sat beside her. She took a sip and then set it next to her.

"Before coming to Storybrooke, I moved around alot as you know. I traveled very lightly."

Regina watched as Emma gathered a stack of books and put them on a shelf. She cringed at the unevenness of the length of the different books but decided to fix it later. She appreciated her helping. "It made it easier when I would move foster homes and I guess it just became a habit to not hold on to so much stuff."

Regina tilted her head in curiosity. Emma didn't usually talk about her time in the system. It always brought up unpleasant memories. She always shared little snippets with her from time to time. Regina wished she'd open up more. She could see small moments where something would remind Emma of the past and she'd clam up and shut down. Just like right now. Emma suddenly fell silent and focused on fixing the books.

"You can talk about it, you know," she encouraged her shakily. "I want to hear more about it."

Emma looked at her as if she grew a head or two. She understood this was a touchy subject for the blonde. She knew there were things about her past she hasn't told her about just like she hasn't told her everything about her past as well. She wanted Emma to feel like she could come to her with anything but at her own pace.

She turned so she was directly facing her and took her hands in hers. She brought them up to her lips and pressed kisses on her knuckles.

"You don't have to share anything with me but just know that you can. I won't ever judge you or make you feel like your feelings are invalidated. I will always listen." Green eyes suddenly misted over and Emma quickly pulled her hands away to wipe away the tears. She let out a nervous chuckle at the fact that she was crying.

"I know," she said shakily, pulling herself together and taking a sip of her tea. They focused on putting the books away after that, participating in light back and forth banter until they were finally emptying the last box.

Emma stood up, collecting the empty mugs and set them on top of the shelf. Regina was pulling books in and out, rearranging them to her standards. Mostly the ones Emma put away but of course she was discreet about that.

She was so preoccupied with her books she didn't even realize Emma had taken out the record player from one of the boxes and set it on the desk. It wasn't until she was suddenly being pulled up gently by the hand then she realized that Andante Andante from Abba was playing.

"Emma, what are you doing?" she laughed as she pulled her in front of the fireplace.

"Dance with me, love," she smiled, her green eyes sparkling and Regina couldn't resist. She let Emma lead as they slowly danced to the lyrics. She rested her head on Emma's shoulder, hugging her close as they swayed. She's never met anyone that loved her so unconditionally without boundaries. She had her issues and demons and she knew Emma did too. She knew they could get through anything together. She pressed a sweet kiss on the crook of her neck.

"Make me sing, make me sound. Andante, Andante. Tread lightly on my ground. Andante, Andante, oh please don't let me down."

"You sing so beautifully," Emma whispered in awe, pulling back so they can look at each other. Regina met her eyes and then her gaze fell to her lips. They were so close, they could feel each other's breaths on their lips. She felt that same breathtaking flutter in her heart all the way down to her toes that she always got whenever she was about to kiss the beautiful sheriff that was holding her and swaying them to the slow beat of the music.

She leaned in and hungrily kissed her lover. It started off slow and passionate until Emma decided to deepen it. Regina moaned into her mouth, their bodies barely swaying now as they focused more on each other than the music. As she thought back about what they discussed earlier, her night terrors, she thought about the answers to the three questions Emma had asked to ground her with.

She was home. She was with Emma. She was loved. And she was safe.


	4. Chapter 3 Sometimes I Just Can't Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for being patient. My wrist is feeling better but still painful.
> 
> Enjoy and I'll be updating soon!

As the weeks passed, Emma, Regina, and Henry all settled into the new house. They established a routine of going to work and school throughout the week and having family time on the weekends. Emma had never felt so happy. She's never felt a sense of home before. She loved her job. She had friends. She had a son. She had a beautiful girlfriend. For the first time in her life she was home. She belonged, and she had a family. She was giddy these past few weeks. She couldn't wipe the smile from her face. Regina must have noticed because she had mentioned Emma was glowing.

She came home from work, dropping her keys and wallet on the table by the door. She hung up her coat and then headed to the study where she can hear Regina helping Henry with his math homework. She stood by the door to see them on the couch with the little wooden table. Henry had his math worksheet infront of him while Regina explained to him how to solve a particular problem.

Regina looked up at her at that moment, sensing her near and flashed her the most beautiful smile. Emma immediately went weak in the knees and nearly stumbled where she stood.

"How was work?" the brunette asked as she got up and greeted her with a kiss.

"Eww moms, I'm trying to concentrate," Henry groaned and Emma laughed, hiding her face in Regina's neck and pressing kisses there.

"Same ol same ol," she muttered, pulling away and plopping down beside Henry. "Not much happening out there." Regina went and sat at her desk where all her lesson plans were open. She had a huge stack of papers she was in the middle of grading as well. Earlier that week she had admitted to Emma that for the first time in a long time she was caught up with her paperwork. Leopold forced her to complete so much of his paperwork she struggled to keep up. There were times where he also had the audacity to berate her on the way she did it even when nothing was wrong with it. Regina could have been mayor if she wanted to. She had the expertise and Emma wondered if she ever considered running for office. Currently Sidney Glass was taking over the rest of Leopold's term until election season came around.

"Hey babe, can I ask you something?" Emma asked as both mother and son fell into a concentrated silence as they both worked. It was so damn domesticated, she couldn't help but feel the familiar sense of home whenever she spent time with her two favorite people.

"Yes dear," she replied without even looking up. She was focused on the paperwork in front of her.

"Have you ever thought of running for mayor? If that's what you want of course?"

Regina stopped what she was doing and looked at Emma thoughtfully. "I'm not even sure I can…" she said slowly as she really thought about it. At those words, both Emma and Henry shared a look of disbelief with each other.

"You're more than qualified."

"Mom, you did his work all the time and sometimes you even ran his council meetings when he was too busy and trying to multitask."

"He wasn't multitasking, that was bad time management on his part," she scoffed irritably.

"You ran his council meetings?" Emma asked in astonishment. She couldn't believe the bastard had her doing his work for him.

"I did way more than that," she muttered, her eyes once again on her work.

She suddenly became sullen and Emma got the feeling she didn't want to talk about this anymore. She decided to drop the subject altogether even if she was unclear on the answer whether she would want to run for office or not. She figured when the time came for elections, the subject would come up again as she couldn't figure out anyone else in Storybrooke that was more qualified than Regina.

They let the subject go and Emma took over helping Henry with his homework while Regina worked on her lesson plans. Apparently she was covering two big important topics and Emma watched in awe as she prepared for the lecture. She mumbled alot to herself while she worked. She also went over on what she was going to lecture on, reciting parts that she felt were unclear to Emma and Henry. She loved watching her when she was in professor mode. She was so professional and so confident in her expertise. On the days she met Regina for lunch, she would get to campus twenty minutes earlier just to sit in and watch her lectures. She was stunning when she was in her element, standing up there and teaching a hall full of students. She just hated how the political science professor was forced into it.

"Well what do you think?" she asked from her perch on top of the desk, flashcards in hand and facing them. By now Henry had finished his homework and was listening and joining Emma on giving his mom feedback. She had just recited her whole lecture.

"That was great!" Henry praised enthusiastically. "I can't wait for college!" Emma ruffled his hair and he pulled away in mock annoyance. "Mom!"

"Tell Emma what you want to be," Regina grinned proudly and Emma sat up a little straighter, focusing on Henry curiously.

"I want to be a writer and write my own fairytales. I want all my characters to have their own back story like why is the Evil Queen evil and why does she hate Snow White. Stuff like that. Stories where even the villains find their happy endings."

"Wow kid where do you get it from?" she asked, incredibly impressed. He sure as hell didn't get this kind of imagination from her.

"I'm a genius," he shrugged, making Regina beam with pride.

"Alright I'm done for the night," Regina hopped off the desk and started packing up her things for work tomorrow. "Do you want to go to dinner at Grannies?"

"What kind of question is that babe?" she laughed, going over and kissing her cheek.

"Yes!" Henry exclaimed.

"Go get ready, Henry," Regina smiled and then kissed Emma fully on the lips as he rushed out of the study.

* * *

They grabbed a booth at the back and Ruby came over to get their orders. Regina ordered the lasagna while Emma and Henry both indulged in burgers. Regina usually didn't let Henry indulge in burgers and fries more than once a month but tonight she made an exception. Emma even pretended she didn't see her sneak fries from her plate. She hid her smile and tried her best not to tease her about it.

"Everything ok over here?" Ruby asked, coming by their table and refilling Regina's water just as they were finishing their meal. They had been chatting about their days, their plans for the week and any weird subject Henry managed to bring up. It was just all so perfect and Emma was still so stoked that this was her family. She's craved this domesticity in her life for so long and she finally had it. Sometimes she'll just just sit back and watch Regina and Henry talk and soak it all in.

"Everything was delicious, Ruby," Regina smiled. "Thank you."

"Yeah, and good luck with tomorrow's lecture," Henry laughed. "Mom gave us the footnotes version of it." Ruby groaned at the mischievous glint in her professor's eye and the smug smirk on her lips. Emma grinned as Ruby shot her with a playful glare.

"You like seeing us suffer, huh?" she asked as she started gathering their empty plates.

"Of course not dear," she said, giving her famous political smile and Ruby let out a snort of disbelief although she was grinning. She cleared thier table and wished them a good night as the little family walked out into the crisp Maine air.

Emma held Regina's hand as they walked back to the house. Henry was walking beside Regina, excitedly telling her about his project for school. It was a perfect night for an evening walk even if it was a little chilly. She wrapped her arm around her girlfriend and pulled her close, rubbing her arm up and down to keep her warm. Regina leaned into her, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips and smiling brightly at her.

"What's on your mind?" she asked thoughtfully and Emma's heart soared at the care in which she carried her words. Before coming to Storybrooke. Before meeting Henry, Regina and her friends, she's never had anyone genuinely ask her how she was doing.

"I just still can't believe I have all this," she whispered. "I was alone my whole life. I never had a family and then the night Henry found me I made a wish on a birthday candle to not be alone. At the time, when we were fighting I always thought it had only led me to Henry. It led me to you too."

"Is that why you've been glowing these past weeks?"

"You and the kid make me so happy," she whispered into her ear, kissing below it and making Regina squirm. Emma chuckled and placed a sweet kiss on her neck.

"You make me happy too," Regina admitted. "I never knew a family can be like this."

That night they spent it showing each other how much they meant to each other. With gentle passionate touches and kisses that left them wanting more. Of course they never took it further than what Regina was comfortable with but to Emma it couldn't have been more perfect. She never pushed her or pressured her for more. She always let her go at her own pace. Once they were sated, Emma had spent extra time cuddling the professor close to her and making her feel loved. She had confessed that Leopold made her feel like she was nothing afterwards. And once the brunette was asleep in her arms, Emma kissed her cheek and allowed herself to sleep as well.

* * *

Regina grumpily followed Emma and Henry up the steps to Mary Margaret's loft the next Friday evening. They were having dinner to discuss the wedding. She didn't want to be here. Her patience was paper thin when it came to her former stepdaughter, but Emma was her friend. She was Henry's sister in a sense, so for them she would go. Emma must have sensed her apprehension because the moment they reached the door, she took Regina's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze just as Henry knocked. The door opened and Regina took a breath as Mary Margaret and David greeted them.

Her heart sped up when David gave her a light hug. She still couldn't seem to shake the fear of being around men especially if she was alone with them. She remained stoic, keeping in control of her emotions as he stepped back. She made eye contact with Mary Margaret and nodded a greeting. They weren't there yet.

"So ready for dinner?" The young school teacher asked, ushering them towards the table.

"Yes! I'm starving!" Henry exclaimed excitedly, making the adults chuckle. They sat around the table. Regina tried keeping up with the wedding plans they were discussing. She just couldn't find it in herself to care. Discussing her former stepdaughter's wedding ignited a fire deep within. It made her angry and she couldn't figure out why. She was silent mostly besides from the rude remarks she couldn't help from slipping now and then.

"Regina?" Mary Margaret's voice snapped her back to the conversation in hand.

"I'm sorry dear, what?" she asked, blushing at having been caught zoning out. Emma looked at her in concern.

"I was listing the bridesmaids," she said and Regina narrowed her eyes at that. If she was asking her to be in the wedding she had another thing coming. After all she was only playing happy family with her for the sake of Emma and Henry. "Emma, Ruby, Ashley, Belle, and you… as my maid of honor.

She dropped her fork and it clattered to the plate.

"Are you kidding me?" she snarled, her eyes flashing and the younger woman shrunk back, not understanding what she did to offend her.

"You were my best friend," Mary Margaret's voice shook, her eyes urging her to understand why she chose her to be her maid of honor. "Even after everything I still love you."

"No."

"Regina…" Emma whispered, her tone a little shocked at the way she spoke to her friend. Maybe she was just surprised at her reaction but Regina took it like the blonde was on the other woman's side. She glared at the girl across from her as David put a comforting arm around her.

"How could you even ask me that?" she asked defensively, and Emma stood. She ushered Henry upstairs to his dismay and David decided to go with him. Regina stood, taking her barely touched food to the kitchen, signaling she was done. Mary Margaret followed her, leaving Emma lingering nervously by the loft steps.

"You're still my family," Mary Margaret argued. Regina placed her plate on the counter and turned to face her. She suddenly realized she was backed up in a corner and it made her more guarded.

"No!" she snapped, her lips curled into a snarl. Her eyes were dark and the anger she had everytime she's in the same proximity with the woman was seeping through uncontrollably. "We are not family. We're not even friends. Whatever love I had for you died the night you ruined my life! How dare you even ask me to be in this wedding. The only reason we're still speaking is because of Emma and Henry. If it wasn't for them I'd never want to see you again."

"Woh, ok enough Regina…" Emma came forward, ready to diffuse the situation. She placed herself between the two women, facing Regina and taking her hands in hers to calm her. "Lets go," she said, her tone leaving no room for argument.

"Regina, I'm sorry if I offended you," Mary Margaret started. "I just wanted you to be a part of our special day. We used to talk about it as kids…"

Regina raised a hand up to silence her, not being able to bear hearing this anymore. It was too painful. She shook her head in disgust and softened when she saw the deep hurt in those blue eyes staring back at her. A tiny bit of the red hot anger fizzled out and now she was feeling just a little bit guilty for her reaction. Her hands started shaking and she started feeling caged between the counter of the sink and the two women in front of her. Emma seemed to have sensed her discomfort because she stepped back, urging Mary Margaret to do the same.

"Look… Mary Margaret, I didn't mean to react so strongly I just…"

"No, I get it," the young school teacher's voice shook as she held in her obvious tears. "I wasn't thinking of you. I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize," Emma said and Regina flashed her a furious glare. "We're leaving. Thanks for dinner." She took Regina's hand and led her to the door. "Henry!" she called out. "We're leaving."

* * *

Regina was fuming the whole way home, her grip tight on the steering wheel of the Benz. She felt betrayed. She was hurt that Emma seemed to be on her former stepdaughters side. She didn't say a word. Neither did Emma. Henry was sulking in the back seat. It was as if he knew a fight was going to happen and he was itching to get home and into his room. She didn't blame him.

Just like she suspected, the moment they got inside Henry wished both of them good night and rushed upstairs to his room. Regina didn't even look at Emma as she made for the study.

"What the hell was that?" Emma asked, coming after her and closing the door. She didn't yell or barge in. It was like a calm kind of anger. Kind of like the days when they used to fight back and forth for Henry.

"You mean you taking that idiot's side?" she asked, seething.

"You see that's what I mean," she said, her voice shaking. "You calling her an idiot. All the little rude remarks you threw at her tonight and then the fight when she asked you to be her maid of honor. I'm not taking anyone's side here, Regina. I know how insensitive it was for her to even ask you in the first place. I know you two have a history, but it's not an excuse to be nasty."

"She deserved every bit of it!" she growled, stepping into Emma space.

"No she doesn't," she said, not backing down and it only made Regina more frustrated. "She's trying so hard and you're not meeting her halfway. No one is asking you to be friends with her. Clearly, you two are far from forgiveness. She just wants to come to some kind of truce."

"I want nothing from her," she snarled.

"You know what, I'm sorry I even asked you to come tonight," Emma snapped.

"I'm sorry too because now I know whose side you're on."

"I told you I'm on no one's side!"

"You defended her!"

"So is this what it's going to be now?" the sheriff asked. "Me having to choose sides between you and my friend, not to mention Henry's adoptive sister. Whether you like it or not she's part of your family despite the ugly history."

"I went there tonight to support both you and Henry," she admitted. "Of course I'm not asking you to choose sides. I just need you to… to understand why I'm… so angry," she urged, struggling to get the words out. She had trouble admitting her true feelings out loud. She didn't want to fight but she couldn't let the anger and betrayal she felt go.

At those words, the anger from those green eyes suddenly depleted and the other woman seemed to just deflate from the emotional roller coaster tonight has been. Emma took a step back and took a deep breath. When she spoke her voice was much more calmer, the anger and frustration gone.

"Then talk to me about it," Emma said, taking her hand and leading her to the couch. They sat down, facing each other. Regina pulled her hand away, not missing the hurt in Emma's eyes. She swallowed her guilt. "Don't take it out on Mary Margaret."

Emma was right, she knew she was. It was just so damn hard to accept the truth for what it was. She was out of line tonight. She knew she was, but she let her anger for the younger woman take over her judgement. She couldn't calm the internal rage that grew each time she saw her former stepdaughter and it only got worse as each day passed. She took a breath, trying to control the overwhelming anger and hurt that was consuming her. She didn't even know how to express it in words.

"I don't know how to talk about how I feel," she whispered, her eyes softening and the anger suddenly fading to exhaustion. Suddenly she just wanted to sleep. "I don't know how to put it in words. I'm sorry. I know I was out of line tonight, but I can't figure out how to even explain why I lost it."

"I'm trying to understand," Emma's tone softened as well. "I know why you're upset. She shouldn't have asked you to be in the wedding after everything. I can see why you lost it. I would have to but, Regina, she's really trying and you need to meet her half way."

"I can't bring myself to do that."

"I know it's hard. I know you're hurt and angry," Emma soothed, taking her hand again and this time Regina didn't pull away. "You know you could always talk to me. You know I'll always be here for you but if I'm not enough then you could maybe start seeing Archie. Henry has been getting better processing his emotions since the day I first met him. Maybe it can help you too."

This was a touchy subject. Regina was stubborn and full of pride and going to Archie wasn't easy for her. She fell silent and her gaze fell to her suddenly shaking hands. She was conflicted. She didn't want to admit that going to Archie might actually help. She didn't want to admit she was weak.

A hand was suddenly caressing her cheek and Regina finally looked up to meet teary green eyes. She was overwhelmed by the amount of concern she saw and she suddenly felt guilty. She didn't want Emma worrying about her.

"I'll consider it," she whispered, unable to decide a definitive answer at the moment. She needed to think when her head was clear and she wasn't being driven by emotion.

"Ok," Emma nodded sounding relieved that she was at least thinking about it. It was a start. She kissed Regina's cheek and then pulled her up from the couch. "Let's not fight anymore."

A sudden realization came over Regina and she felt sick to the stomach. They just had a fight. She knew Emma was far from Leopold. Then again she had no idea what was expected of her now and it terrified her. Was Emma still angry at her? Did she want her to sleep somewhere else? Her first instinct was telling that she was about to be punished, just like Leopold had always done after they fought. She didn't know any other way. She was married to him for 18 years and before that she always saw Cora verbally put down her father after they fought.

"Should I sleep here then?" she asked shyly, unsure if Emma wanted to sleep in the same bed as her after their fight. With Leopold she always took either the guest bedroom or the couch in the study.

"What?" Emma asked, appalled that she would even ask that. Regina flinched back at her tone and Emma seemed to have internally kicked herself for startling her.

"Woh, hey no," she immediately reassured her, reaching out to pull her into her arms but Regina flinched away from her again, fear or being hurt suddenly taking root. Emma frowned at that. "Do you think you're in trouble or something?"

"Emma," her voice shook. "I know you would never lay a hand on me but I can't help but feel like I'm about to get…" She couldn't finish that sentence. She was shaking, her eyes full of fear triggered by Leopold always punishing her when they would argue. She knew Emma wasn't him. She knew she was in a safe place but her mind automatically retreated to her being beaten by her husband. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, unable to look at her.

"Regina, can you look at me?" Emma asked, her voice shaking as if the words she just heard made her physically sick. Of course she knew Emma would never hurt her. Of course Regina felt safe with her but somehow their argument triggered her mind to go to that dark place. Emma whispered her name again and it sounded like all the anger and frustration the sheriff felt from their argument faded and all she felt was concern. Regina slowly met her eyes, and she flinched back when Emma reached out again, signaling she didn't want to be touched right now. Emma got the message and her hands fell to her side.

"No matter how much we fight. No matter how angry we are at each other, I will never hurt you. I will never belittle you or make sleep anywhere else besides our bed. Let's promise each other from here on to never go to bed angry."

Regina nodded, reaching out a shaky hand and squeezing Emma's. She looked so relieved that she was finally initiating contact. "I'm sorry about how I acted tonight."

"I get why you're upset," Emma slowly reached out, placing her hand on her cheek and looked relieved when Regina didn't flinch away. Instead she leaned into her touch. "And I'm sorry I wasn't supportive of you or your feelings."

Regina could see the sincerity in those green eyes and her own anger deflated, turning to a bone deep exhaustion and maybe even sadness. Her mood change was so sudden she felt like she had emotional whiplash. "Can we go to bed?" she asked, shakily.

Emma gave her a small watery smile and led her out of the study.

* * *

They got ready for bed in silence, neither of them speaking as they changed and did their nighttime rituals. The tension was so thick, neither of them could breathe, but couldn't bring themselves to break it. They just didn't know how to make it better. Regina seemed to have emotionally dissociated herself and Emma once again noticed it not for the first time. She wondered if this was a defense mechanism when she was with Leopold and was in trouble. She really hoped this was something Regina could overcome if not with her than maybe Archie.

The words Regina had spoken tonight haunted her. She just couldn't shake the fear she saw in those dark eyes after they fought, when Regina had thought she would have to sleep separate from her just because they had a fight. She wasn't even upset over the way Regina treated Mary Margaret tonight. She was more concerned about the effects of their fight. Regina was emotionally triggered to feel like she was about to be punished and now she had emotionally dissociated herself. It made her feel sick that Regina's mind went into a place where she felt Emma might hurt her. Where she thought she was going to have to sleep on a couch as punishment for their argument. Emma realized with a sinking feeling that this kind of thinking was probably normal for her. She had been married to that bastard for so long. Of course those fearful and foreboding instincts were going to rear their ugly head.

They were on separate sides of the bed, lying in the dark and Emma looked over at her girlfriend. She was curled up under the blanket, her back facing her. She knew she was awake still. So she slid over, hoping the one thing she knew that always comforted her worked. Regina craved comfort and physical touch when she was upset. So she pulled her into her arms, pulling her back against her chest and holding her close. She felt her body tense and Emma froze.

"Can I hold you?" she asked shakily.

Regina turned in her arms, and Emma almost cried from happiness when she finally relaxed and cuddled into her chest. She didn't say anything as Emma held her close and ran her fingers through dark curls.

"What's going on in that head of yours love?"

"I'm sorry for freaking out downstairs. I let my fears overwhelm me," she whispered.

"Hey, don't apologize for that," Emma said, her tone leaving no room for argument. She was allowed to feel fear. She was allowed to have those fears validated no matter how disturbing they were to Emma. "You're allowed to be afraid. You're allowed to be angry. Don't apologize or feel guilty for your emotions."

"He always told me to control myself," she whispered. "Always told me to control my anger."

"He's the one with the anger issues."

Regina let out a hmm in agreement.

"Are you still upset about dinner," Regina suddenly asked, her voice small as if she were afraid to even ask.

"Of course not," Emma said. "I mean I am a little annoyed about how you treated Mary Margaret and the way she treated you, but no I'm not upset. I'm not going to let it hang over me."

"I know that she's trying and I know I have to meet her halfway. I was too harsh tonight and I admit that," she whispered, her gaze looking away from Emma, unable to look at her. "Sometimes I just can't breathe when we're in the same room."

Emma could see how hard this was for her to even admit this. She understood what it took for her to go to dinner tonight at the loft. She loved her for being the bigger person and admitting that perhaps she was too harsh on the young school teacher tonight. She gently raised her chin so that she would look at her.

"I'm proud of you," she whispered. "I know it's not easy."

"It's not,"she sighed. "And I can't promise either of you that I'll be in the wedding. It's too… It's too painful."

"I know," Emma whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Mary Maragaret and Regina grew up like sisters. They were best friends until they were not anymore. For reasons so despicable, Emma knew their relationship might not ever be the same. She knew she couldn't expect all their problems to be fixed in one night, but Regina was willing to talk to her former stepdaughter. Well, that was a step in the right direction.


	5. Chapter 4 Emotion is Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the extremely long wait. I'm no longer in pain or wearing a wrist brace. I'm hoping to get faster updates up now.

Emma came into the station and dropped her keys on her desk. She had just come back from her morning patrol and was waiting for Regina to come meet her for lunch after her first session with Archie. It's been a week since the fight they had after dinner at the loft. Since then Emma had noticed Regina had gone down a dark spiral of depression which got prominent after she and Mary Margaret talked the following day. She wasn't sure exactly what was said but she knew things were not better between the two. If anything Regina became more closed off toward the younger woman. Regina had also become sullen, quiet and closed off towards her as well and everyone else she came across. She kept to herself mostly, only joining in on conversations if she or Henry pulled her into one. She didn't smile as often and when she did it never quite reached her eyes. Emma didn't know how to pull her out of this depression she was suddenly in. She wanted to help her so badly and hoped maybe Regina talking with Archie can help. If anything she planned on asking him for some advice later. Her moods were giving her whiplash since they've gotten together. She knew what she was getting herself into. Regina had been stuck in an abusive marriage for 18 years and she knew there would be alot of emotional and mental repercussions. No matter how hard it became she would never give up on her. She loved her so much and would never throw her away just because it was too hard. After everything the brunette has been through, she deserved a chance. She deserved love and happiness and a family that would never give up on her.

David came in at that moment, plopping down at his desk with a box of donuts from Grannies. Emma came out of her office and helped herself to some more coffee.

"Goodmorning, I brought donuts," David greeted her, pulling out today's paperwork. There wasn't much going on today.

"Good morning, David," she smiled gratefully. "Patrol this morning was clean. Not much happening out there. It was much more fun when Regina was running the show behind Leopold's back."

David chuckled, remembering all too well in which the two women were at each other's throats. He remembered even before Emma times when Regina would act as mayor when Leopold was busy doing other mayoral responsibilities. She got things done quicker then Leopold and he and every other citizen always wondered if she'd take his job one day even if her hot temper terrified them.

"Is she planning on running for office?" he asked curiously as Emma sat across from his desk, coffee in hand and reaching into the box and helping herself to a bearclaw.

"Honestly, I don't know. She's an expert in the field but I don't think her heart is really in it."

"That's too bad," he said. "Compared to him she was very efficient."

"Was that a normal thing?" she asked curiously. "Her working alongside him?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded, taking a bite of his own bear claw. "Leopold was an ok mayor, but Regina often carried out some of his less important meetings and any tedious paperwork. She got approvals and budget reports done faster than he ever could."

"So he forced her to do the brunt work?" she asked, annoyance lacing her words.

"Pretty much," he confirmed. "You think this is why she's hesitant to run for next election year?"

"Maybe," she shrugged, completely at a loss. The last time it was brought up Regina seemed to be bitter about it but also seemed to think she couldn't do it. Maybe Leopold made her feel she was inadequate at carrying out mayoral duties. Maybe her success and drive threatened him and that was why he held her back, not letting her go any further in her career past a community college professor. A career he had chosen for her in the first place. Emma made a mental note to bring this up later at an appropriate time. Right now, they had bigger problems to work through like emotional trauma and ptsd.

* * *

Regina was dreading this morning's therapy appointment. She wasn't comfortable baring her soul to the man she had bullied in the past when it came to Henry's treatment. Karma had a twisted sense of humor. She controlled her suddenly shaking hands as she stood outside his door, desperately trying to control her emotions before going in. She was afraid of looking vulnerable, but she had promised Emma she'd give this a try. So she swallowed her pride and tried to ground herself as she knocked on the door. She forced herself to take a breath when she heard Pongo barking and Archie shushing him before opening the door.

"Regina," he greeted her kindly. "Please, come in." He stepped aside, letting her in before closing the door. Right away she started to feel uneasy at being alone in the room with another man, but then she reminded herself that this was Archie. He would never harm her and she was the one who brought him the most grief in the past. She was perfectly safe. She took a seat on the couch as he gathered his pen and pad and sat across from her.

"Before we get started I just want to let you know that whatever past grievances we have are just that. In the past now. I want you to know this is a safe space. Whatever you share with me is confidential. I want you to go at your own pace."

"Let's just get this over with," she said impatiently.

Archie nodded, not one to argue with the hot tempered woman before him. He felt like maybe he wasn't the right fit for Regina, but unfortunately he was the only therapist in Storybrooke. His gentle approach might not be compatible with her strong personality. She might need someone with a no nonsense approach. He decided to at least give this a chance before recommending her to other professionals in Maine.

"Let's start with why you're here," he started.

"Because of my idiot husband," she growled out with so much venom for the man that abused her for years. The anger she felt for him suddenly bubbled to the surface. She clenched her fist, trying to calm the uncontrollable rage flowing through her veins.

"Why don't you start at the beginning," he suggested.

Regina swallowed nervously, her hands suddenly shaking and Archie took note of the nervous tick without her realizing it. She buried her hands in her lap as she thought back to the night Mary Margaret selfishly didn't listen to her. The night that had changed everything. Tears suddenly streamed down her face and she angrily swiped them away. Her eyes flashed angrily at Archie who looked at her with silent compassion and understanding.

"I know it's painful," he coaxed her. "But maybe I can help. Even if you can't talk about what happened yet, maybe you can start with how you're feeling."

Regina scoffed at the cliche words that fell from his mouth. She felt like this was ridiculous, but deep down she knew she needed this. Henry needed this and so did Emma. They needed her to work through this and get better so that they can work on being a family. She'll get through it for them and for herself.

"Well…" Her voice shook and her hands started trembling again. "For the past couple weeks I seem to have found myself in a… depression." The word depression was sour on her tongue. She hated admitting such weakness.

"It is normal considering everything you went through," Archie said softly.

"Is it?" she asked.

"Regina, you just came out of a really long marriage and still opened your heart to love. It doesn't mean you're automatically going to move on from the trauma. You're going to feel angry, depressed, hurt, fearful, and maybe even lost."

Her eyes became teary, those words hitting her deeply. Archie hit the nail on the point. She felt all those emotions rushing through her constantly and she had no idea how to begin to even control them. She was afraid of opening up about it to Emma and letting her see it. She was afraid of pushing the people she loved away.

She couldn't even answer and he took this moment to let her contemplate his words. She wiped away the tears that were suddenly streaming her cheeks. He's never seen this more human side of her. He was always confronted with a strong hot tempered woman who never showed her emotions. He knew it was all a mask to protect herself especially when she was married to Leopold.

"You know what, I think I'm done here," she said, suddenly closing herself up, unable to go through with the session. She wasn't comfortable baring her soul for Archie to analyze. She wasn't used to being vulnerable.

"Regina, wait," Archie urgently asked her as she stood and headed for the door. He followed her as she opened it. "I can help you."

"I doubt it!" she sniped, leaving him looking defeated.

* * *

Emma was sitting back in her chair, feet up on her desk as she looked over some reports. David was at his own desk, filling out his own share of paperwork when Regina came in. Emma smiled at her, eager to get to the diner.

"Hi, love," she greeted, getting to her feet and giving Regina a chaste kiss on the lips when she came into her office. She didn't respond. Something wasn't right, she realized when she pulled away and looked into those brown eyes. The woman in front of her seemed like her mind was a million miles away. Her expression was closed off and Emma realized with a sinking feeling that she was emotionally dissociating herself. She couldn't help but wonder again if she was aware of doing it. "Regina?"

Regina's eyes flickered as if she was pulled out of whatever deep thought or emotion that she was caught up in. Emma then looked at the clock and realized it was a little early for her to be meeting her yet. Shouldn't she still be at her session?

"How was your session with Archie," she asked.

"It was fine," she replied in a clipped tone. "Are you ready to go?"

"Your session ended pretty early," she observed.

"Emma, do you want to go or not," Regina asked impatiently, her eyes flashing and then she took a nervous glance over at David who was absorbed in his work. Emma frowned at that. She was very skittish around David since their stay at the loft. Emma wanted to talk to her but not here where they had an audience.

"Alright, come on," she said, slipping on her red leather jacket and grabbing her keys. She reached out to take her girlfriends hand but Regina pulled away and headed for the door. She didn't even acknowledge David when he said hi to her as she left the office. Emma flashed him an apologetic smile before rushing after her.

"Regina!" Emma caught up to her as they walked down the street to Grannies. She gently took her elbow, and stopped her in her tracks. Regina wouldn't look at her as she stood in front of her. "Talk to me," she encouraged. "Why did you leave your session so early?"

"It doesn't matter because I'm not going back," she snapped harshly and then her face softened at the shocked expression on Emma's face. "I'm… Emma I'm sorry," she whispered shakily.

"Let's go home and have lunch there instead?" she asked. "That way we can talk."

Regina agreed and shyly took Emma's hand this time, squeezing her fingers. Emma gave her a small smile, trying her best to stay patient. She was a little winded and curious as to what happened with Archie, but she knew she needed to let Regina go at her own pace.

Their walk back to the house was silent. They actually didn't say a word to each other until they were in the study and pouring some cider. Emma was on the couch as Regina came over with two tumblrs in hand. She handed one to Emma and sat beside her.

"Talk to me," Emma said softly reaching out and squeezing her knee. Regina looked up at her, her brown eyes full of apprehension. "It's ok," she whispered.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," she started. "You didn't deserve that."

"Thank you, love for apologizing," Emma validated. "Do you want to talk about why you were frustrated?"

Regina downed her cider and got up to pour herself some more. Emma watched her in concern. Whatever happened at Archie's must have really shaken her. She came back to Emma and sat beside her, this time closer so their thighs were touching. Regina seemed to lean her body against her as if seeking physical comfort. Emma put her arm around her shoulders and pulled her against her, holding her close.

"Better?" she asked and Regina nodded in response, leaning her head against Emma's shoulder. She felt the anxiety melting away and she suddenly felt a calmness wash over her. She took a breath and snuggled into her girlfriend. All the insecurity and vulnerability she felt now turned into a sense of numbness. Emma rubbed her hand up and down her arm, affectionately giving her support. After the way she spoke to her, Regina immediately felt guilty. Emma deserved so much better.

She didn't speak for a while. She needed to gather her thoughts. Emma seemed to understand because she didn't push her. Archie opened up parts of her soul that hurt too much. She felt vulnerable. She felt a raw kind of fear different from the fear Leopold instilled over her. Fear of being weak, of being vulnerable. Of admitting her true emotions and lying them out on a platter. Her mother's words echoed in her mind. _Emotion is weakness._

"I got scared," she finally whispered. "I know I question his expertise when it comes to our son, but he really is good at his job. He was just trying to help me but he also made me feel way too vulnerable and I closed myself off. I couldn't deal with the emotions he was drawing out of me and it terrified me."

"Why did it terrify you?" she asked and Regina sat up to look at her. Her brown eyes flickered with something close to shame. Emma tilted her head as she realized what the brunette was feeling. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Your feelings are validated."

"Admitting to everything I'm feeling makes me weak," she whispered and then she scoffed as she realized something. "I sound like my mother."

"Your mother?"

"She taught me that emotion and pain is weakness and people exploit weakness. She taught me to hide my emotions and to never show what I'm feeling on the outside. She also taught me _love_ is weakness."

Emma felt like her heart was crumbling in her chest. She realized that this mentality of emotionally closing herself off goes further back then she thought. Further than her marriage with Leopold and the trauma she went through as a teen. It goes back to her childhood with a mentally cruel mother. Her marriage with Leopold seemed to only heightened those fears of emotionally expressing herself.

"Expressing yourself to Archie triggered that fear of what she drilled into your head," Emma stated and Regina nodded. She finished off her cider and Emma did the same, appreciating the burn going down her throat. In this moment she was glad she never knew her parents. They could have fucked her up for all she knew. Just like Regina's parents. The kid got lucky he has two moms that will make sure he doesn't end up like them.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, suddenly hugging Regina and she felt the brunette curl up against her. "I won't force you to go back. I think that's a choice you need to make for yourself. Just know that I'm here to listen and you don't ever need to hold back on your feelings with me. You know I would never hurt you."

"I know, Emma," she said, reaching up and caressing the blonde's cheek. She looked into those green eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and love. She's never trusted anyone with her whole soul before and she knew Emma would never hurt her the way her mother and Leopold did. She pulled her into a kiss, expressing just how much she means to her. When they pulled away Emma kissed her cheek and held her against her. Regina cuddled contently in her side once more, the emotional turmoil she felt lessening for the time being.

"How about a night in for just the two of us?" Emma asked, wanting to lift her spirits. Maybe she could help with the depression by reminding her just how loved she is. "Henry can spend the night with Mary Margaret and David."

"What do you have in mind, Miss Swan?" she asked playfully, lifting her eyebrow as if daring her to challenge her.

"Well since we're back to Miss Swan then never mind. We'll just do what all boring couples do and fall asleep with the tv on."

"Oh well in that case, what do you have in mind, _Em… ma_?"

"That's better," she grinned, kissing her nose and laughed when Regina scrunched her face in faux disgust.

* * *

That night, for a moment, Emma was able to make Regina forget all about the depression she had fallen into. She was able to get her mind off of the emotionally draining morning she had. They made dinner together, laughing, bantering, and connecting without worrying about what the next day will bring. They were living in the moment, enjoying their relationship and the love they held for each other.

Regina might have indulged in the wine a bit because she was giggling as they made out on the living room couch in front of the roaring fireplace. A bottle of wine and their glasses were laid out on the coffee table. She was lying on top of Emma, their bodies moulded perfectly together as they passionately indulged in the feeling of being so close.

"Would you stop giggling and let me kiss you?" Emma laughed, placing a bunch of little kisses on her lips, chin, nose, cheeks, and forehead making the shorter woman giggle even more.

"I can't help it," she laughed. "You make me so happy and the wine has gone straight to my head."

Hearing these words fall from her lips, Emma grew serious, letting the admission wash over her. Of course she knew Regina loved her. Of course she knew she made the other woman happy but hearing it and knowing it were two different things. She's been hurt and let down so many times in her life and knowing she could make another person feel so loved and happy amongst everything they've gone through, warmed her in a way she's never felt. This is what she craved since she was that young girl in the foster system. A family, a place to call home, and for someone to love her so unconditionally.

"Emma, what is it?" Regina asked, suddenly worried that she said something.

"You make me happy too," she whispered with a genuine beaming smile.


	6. Chapter 5 Don't Let Her Drown

Emma sat in her office the next day. She had just got back from her morning patrol and was about to get started on today's paperwork. She was a little put off by Regina's attitude this morning. They had such a great night and then this morning she was closed off once more. She barely said a few words to her as she got ready and left for work. It was as if the light in her eyes was snuffed out and she was just an empty hollow shell of the woman she was. She had slipped into her depression again as easily as Emma helped her slip out of it last night. There was no hope in her eyes and that scared Emma more than anything.

She decided maybe she should give Archie a call after all. Not to snoop around and invade Regina's privacy with the therapist, but advice on how to handle the ever changing mood swings. She pulled out her cell and dialed his number, kicking her feet up on the desk and leaning back in her chair. Luckily David was out on the field today so she was alone and didn't have to worry about him hearing anything.

He answered on the second ring and once they exchanged pleasantries, she explained why she called. She wanted to know how to handle the moodswings Regina was having and the depression she had fallen into. Other than that she gave nothing else away, knowing Regina wouldn't like having her confidentiality be broken.

"You have to be there for her not just physically but emotionally, Emma," Archie explained. "You have to listen and validate her feelings. Don't coddle her, but don't let her drown."

"I feel like I'm doing everything wrong," she sighed. "One minute she's happy and the next she's shutting me out. What can I do to get her out of that headspace. I don't know how to explain it Archie, it's like something inside triggers her and then she mentally closes herself off. I'm not even sure she's aware of herself doing it. I usually try to talk her out of it and let her decide if she wants physical comfort or space but most of the time I can't get her to respond to me."

"It's called dissociative emotional distress, and I suspect it was a coping mechanism from her marriage with the mayor. I noticed it as well when she came in for her session. When that happens and you see her closing herself off, get her attention, try making eye contact and then try grounding her. Have her list 5 things that make her smile. Or have her list her surroundings, anything to help get her mind out of it."

"Ok, got it," she nodded, feeling more confident now that she confirmed that what she noticed with Regina wasn't just her imagination. Archie saw it too.

After giving her some more advice, they ended the call and Emma decided to go take Regina some lunch. Her last morning class should be ending soon. Her head was swirling with all the information Archie had given her. Coping mechanisms, emotional dissociation, grounding techniques. She wondered if Regina displayed symptoms of her dissociation with Leopold. She didn't just develop it right after she left him and then she tried to think back if she had ever noticed it during the times they hated each other. She actually couldn't, but then Regina also hid her emotions behind a mask when she was out in public. Of course she would have never seen it then.

* * *

Regina was just about done when Emma showed up with a take out bag from their favorite salad and soup bar. She slipped in and sat in the back by the door, slipping the takeout bag on the seat beside her. This had become her usual spot when she would arrive a few minutes early. All the students were up front, not a single empty row between them and Emma realized with a smirk that Regina was one of those teachers that made everyone move forward so that no one was sitting in the back.

Regina caught her eye through the darkness of the room. She had the projector on to display her slides. She flashed her smile and Emma smiled back, discreetly holding up the takeout bag. Regina gave her a subtle nod and then resumed her lecture. She was so beautiful and confident while she worked. She could watch her all day if she could. She spent the last twenty minutes watching Regina and texting Mary Margaret.

The younger woman wanted to know if it was possible she and David could come over for dinner tonight. She wanted to try and make amends with Regina again even though they already talked. She said of course she was invited, but would have to let Regina know. She said she'd get back to her later. She knew Regina probably wouldn't like it but she didn't want to coddle her like Archie said. She needed to face her former stepdaughter at some point.

"There's no homework today. I want you all to study for your test tomorrow," Regina's voice caught her attention and she slipped her phone into her pocket. The students started packing up their things and once she dismissed them they headed for the door. Emma waited till the last of the students, who stayed behind asking questions, filed out as well until she grabbed the takeout bag and headed down to Regina.

"Nice lecture, Professor Mills," Emma said, greeting her as she wiped the whiteboard clean with a chaste kiss on the lips. She remembered a time where compliments about her lectures would always receive a hostile comeback. Regina smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek and then proceeded to wipe the lipstick from her cheek.

"You brought lunch," she stated happily as Emma sat the bag on her desk. Regina cleared everything on her desk to the side and took a seat. Emma grabbed a chair and sat across from her.

"How do you feel about kale salad?" she asked, pulling it out along with two bottles of root beer. Regina smiled, taking the salad and eagerly opening it up.

"Glad to see you found another place other than Grannies," she said, opening her dressing and mixing it in with her fork. Emma watched her as she proceeded to take out her own salad. She had opted to eat better on her lunches with Regina. She seemed to be in better spirits versus when she left the house this morning. Emma took that as a good sign.

"Well I know how the grilled cheese gets to you," she smirked as she struggled to open the bottles. "I thought these were twist offs. Do you have a bottle opener?"

"Does it look like I can pry them open with my teeth? I'm much more refined than that dear. " she said and Emma shot her a "really?" look. Instead she took out her keys and after a lot of struggling was able to pop open the bottles.

They clinked their bottles together and took a sip even if they were already halfway through their meals in the time Emma was able to finally get them open.

They bantered back and forth throughout their meal, Emma noticing the dark mood the other woman had been in this morning had dissipated. She thought back to the messages she shared with Mary Margaret and wondered if she should even bring it up and ruin her good mood but then Archie's words _Don't coddle her,_ echoed in her mind.

"So Mary Margaret texted me. She and David want to come over for dinner tonight."

At the mention of her enemy, Regina rolled her eyes. Annoyance flickered across her face. "Well I can't exactly say no can I. After all, she's _family_." She spit out the word family with so much venom, Emma can hear the deep loathing in her voice.

"Regina!" she admonished, not liking the way she spoke of the young woman, especially when she knew how hard Mary Margaret was trying.

Regina swallowed her anger and took a deep breath as she stabbed at the leftover kale leaves with her fork. "Ok, ok I'm sorry," she huffed, not at all meaning it. "It's fine. I guess it's good she and David come over. Henry loves them."

Emma reached out, stopping Regina's hand from stabbing at her salad any longer. She squeezed her fingers in reassurance. "Look, I understand it's hard ok, but remember she's trying."

"I know," she sighed, giving Emma a small shy smile as she became aware of her little outburst. "I'm sorry. Let's not fight."

Emma took her hand and brought it her lips, placing a kiss on her knuckles. "It'll be ok and if it gets too much we'll end it early," she assured her.

* * *

When evening came, Regina found a hard time keeping her composure especially when her stepdaughter arrived with her fiance. She kept mostly to herself in the kitchen, preparing dinner and staying away from the guest seated in her living room. Emma tried convincing her to let her help, but Regina insisted on being alone. Emma frowned at that, no doubt disagreeing, but left it alone. She didn't want to start an argument and she could see how off Regina was tonight. She knew she was distancing herself, whether she was aware of it or not. She reminded herself that this was the way Regina's mind coped with stressful situations.

Once everyone was seated and conversing as they dug into their meals, Regina continued to distance herself. She kept quiet, not making eye contact with anyone as she pushed her food around with her fork. She had no appetite. She could feel both Emma and Mary Margaret's concerned glances as David and Henry engaged in a conversation about their time in the park with the wooden swords. She was tuning them all out, her anger building just at the sound of her stepdaughter's voice. Her hatred for the young woman was boiling to the surface and she didn't even realize Emma was placing her hand on her thigh from under the table until she squeezed. The comfort she was trying to give her worked somewhat, the anger fizzing out and she looked up into worried green eyes. She then looked over at Mary Margaret who looked at her with so much concern it made Regina want to claw those eyes out. She suddenly felt exposed and the room felt like it was suffocating her.

"Excuse me," she said, picking up her plate and headed to the kitchen.

Emma watched her go, not at all liking how Regina disassociated herself all evening. It scared her how out of it she seemed throughout dinner. Maybe letting Mary Margaret come over was too soon. She didn't want to coddle her, but she also didn't want to push her.

"Should we check on her?" her former roommate asked, her voice trembling as if she were on the verge of tears. It was amazing how much love she held for the woman who had nothing but anger towards her. As she and Emma were talking, they had noticed Regina completely zoning out and Mary Margaret wondered if Emma noticed it too.

"I'll go talk to her," Emma sighed, picking up her own plate and a stack of empty serving dishes. She stood and headed into the kitchen. Upon entering, she could see Regina had her back turned from where she stood at the sink. She braced herself against the counter, taking deep breaths. She wondered if the brunette realized how closed off she was all night. Emma approached her, balancing the stack of dishes in one hand as she reached out and gently touched her shoulder.

"Regina?" she whispered and immediately regretted not making her presence known first before touching her, because the brunette flinched away violently with a sharp gasp, turning to face her so suddenly. Emma took an uncoordinated step back and accidentally dropped all the dishes to the floor. Glass shattered everywhere and they stood in the midst of it. Genuine fear clouded those brown eyes as if she were expecting to get in trouble.

"Oh god, Emma I'm so sorry!" she cried, kneeling to pick up the pieces.

"No, don't!" Emma tried stopping her just as she sliced her hand on a large piece. Regina hissed and pulled her hand back, allowing Emma to pull her back up to her feet. She led her back to the sink, being careful not to step on the larger pieces of glass and put the tap on.

"Hold it there," Emma said softly, guiding her bleeding palm under the running faucet. She then moved to get the first aid kit they kept in one of the cabinets and set it up on the center island. She grabbed the broom and dustpan and quickly started sweeping the glass away from Regina. When she was done and used a wet towel to pick up any slithers she missed, she disposed of the glass and checked on her girlfriend.

"How does it look?" she asked, standing beside her and giving her plenty of space. She didn't want to startle her again.

"It's fine," she dismissed her and Emma wasn't even able to stop the hurt from flashing in her eyes. Regina shrunk back at that. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Can I see?" she asked, her voice shaking as she pulled herself together. She held out her hand.

Regina hesitated at first, looking at her with fearful brown eyes. Emma frowned at that, not exactly sure why Regina would be afraid right now. Was it because she startled her or because of the broken dishes?

"It's ok," she whispered and let out a little breath of relief when Regina turned off the sink and held out her hand. It was still bleeding and Emma guided her to the center island where she had the first aid kit opened. She examined her palm, using gauze to wipe the blood and when she didn't see any glass shards embedded and was confident she wouldn't need stitches, she pressed more gauze on it to stop the bleeding. Regina's hands started trembling as Emma cleaned and wrapped her wounded hand. Fear still lingered in her eyes.

When she was done, she gently placed a hand on her cheek and softly gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. Regina leaned into the affection and the fear suddenly turned into exhaustion. Emma coaxed her to meet her eyes, her thumb rubbing soothing circles on her cheek. "Why are you afraid?" she asked softly.

"I'm… not sure," she whispered. "It's like that time we had that fight after dinner at the loft and I had the feeling I was going to be… to be hurt. It's more instinctual."

"And what triggered it?" Emma nodded. "Me startling you or the dishes breaking?"

"The dishes," she said, her eyes flickering as if she were remembering a similar incident that involved broken dishes and probably a beating.

"I can assure you over and over that you are safe and I would never lay a hand on you. I know you believe that, but I also know that you reacting to certain incidents will resurface particular emotions such as fear. You don't ever have a reason to be afraid of me, Regina," Emma's voice shook as she fought to hold in tears. It absolutely killed her that Regina was still so fearful especially when it was aimed at her.

"I know," she whispered and Emma didn't like how much her voice was trembling. "I can't help it, but I do know that you are nothing like Leopold. I know I'm loved and safe with you. I know that Emma, but sometimes I seem to slip and my mind goes back to old emotions. I lived in fear for 18 years. Any emotional reactions I may have are sometimes just the way my mind copes. Like how I got scared when you dropped the dishes. In the past I learned that was something to be fearful of especially if Leopold saw."

"Kind of like how you emotionally dissociate yourself?" Emma asked, understanding dawning on her as she realized Regina wasn't being fearful or any other emotion on purpose when she was triggered. It was more like a muscle memory emotional reaction.

"I what?" she asked, genuine confusion all over her face.

"Emma?" David's voice sounded at the door and Regina shied away. Emma once again wondered why David seemed to make the other woman so nervous. She turned away from her girlfriend and approached David.

"Hey David, sorry if we're taking too long. We're just getting dessert ready."

"No problem," he said, depositing all the dirty dishes on the table. "We heard a crash and were worried. Mary Margaret didn't think it was a good idea for her to come check on both of you."

"That was me," she said sheepishly. "I slipped and dropped all the dishes I brought in. We were just cleaning up and Regina cut her hand."

"Do you need stitches?" His eyes immediately went to Regina's bandaged hand in concern. He stepped forward, but then stopped when he saw her tensing.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you David," she answered, her voice slightly shaking.

"Ok, do you need help with dessert?" He asked.

"Yes, actually if you could take a fresh bottle of wine and the dessert dishes out," Emma asked, moving around the kitchen and gathering small plates, utensils and an unopened bottle of wine. She handed them to David with a grateful smile.

Once he left, Emma turned back to Regina. Her hands were still trembling from when she had been cleaning her wound. She had a far away look on her face as if she were thinking hard about something.

"Regina?"

"Emma, what did you mean?" She asked suddenly, her eyes flickering and meeting Emma's gaze straight on.

"How about we talk about this tonight when Henry's in bed and our guest has gone home?" she asked, not wanting to get into this deep subject now when they had people over.

Regina was about to protest, wanting to know what Emma meant with emotionally dissociating herself. She was sure she'd never done that, whatever it is. But then she thought better of it. She wasn't comfortable talking about that when they had guests plus the risk of Henry over hearing.

"Ok," she agreed, closing the distance between them and pulling Emma into a fierce hug. "It's never my intention to make you feel like I'm afraid of you. I love you Emma and I know that you could never hurt me the way he did. You're not him or my mother."

"I believe you," she chuckled through her threatening tears, surprised at the intensity at which Regina held her. Like she'll lose her. Maybe that's what she believed. Maybe she felt like the mental repercussions she suffered from being mentally and physically abused might just cost her the person she loved. From here on out, Emma vowed that she would never let her go. She would never give up on her no matter how bad it gets.

She pressed a kiss on the side of Regina's temple and held her tightly.

* * *

The apple pie was served and the rest of the wine was consumed. Regina remained civil with their guest although she wasn't making eye contact and was still disassociating herself during conversations from time to time. Emma didn't blame her now that she knew for a fact that Regina really wasn't aware of it. She dreaded the talk they were going to have tonight. It was sure to open many ugly wounds. All in all, the night went pretty well or at least it did better than the last dinner. Regina wasn't roasting the young school teacher with her rude remarks. She even complimented the engagement ring although Emma got the sense it was with fake sincerity.

"Well I think it's time we call it a night," Mary Margaret announced, rising from her seat on the couch. After dessert they had moved to the living room with their drinks. Henry had gone off to bed an hour before.

"We'll walk you out." Emma drank the remainder of her wine and stood. Regina stood as well, relieved that they were finally leaving. She followed the small group to the foyer, lingering behind as Emma hugged them goodbye.

"Thank you for letting us come over," Mary Margaret said to her best friend and then looked at her former stepmother who was lingering behind them. "And thank you Regina for letting us have another chance. I know it's not easy."

"No it's not," she said stiffly and then stepped back when Mary Margaret moved to hug her. The younger woman immediately stopped and gave her a nod of acceptance.

"Well good night," Regina ended the sudden awkward moment and once the young couple made it out into the chilly night air, Emma closed the door behind them. Once they were alone and Emma had locked the door, she turned to Regina to see the unemotional mask she held all night had deflated. She now looked exhausted and her hands started trembling. Emma's gaze fell to her shaking hands and she folded them across her chest, suddenly looking so vulnerable.

"Ready?" Emma asked, closing the distance between them and giving her a sweet kiss on the lips. Regina nodded and then took Emma's hand to lead her to the study. Emma closed the door in case Henry happened to wake up.

Regina sat on the couch, wringing her hands to stop the shaking. She wasn't sure what Emma had meant when she brought up that she had been emotionally dissociating herself. She was afraid to find out. Emma sat beside her, and placed her hands on her fidgeting ones. She looked up into worried green eyes.

"What did you mean?" she asked shakily.

"Tonight at dinner did you notice yourself tuning out of the conversations?" she asked.

"I was being civil to Mary Margaret like you asked me," she stated rather defensively.

"I know," Emma said softly. "And I appreciate that, but you hardly said two words to her. You couldn't even look David in the eye. You distanced yourself from the conversation we were having even when we were trying to include you into it."

"I was?" she asked, genuinely confused. She knew she wasn't participating in the conversations, but she didn't realize just how much she was mentally shutting down.

"I know you're not aware of when it happens, but sometimes you start to mentally check out. I'm guessing it might be a coping method you developed with your mother and then Leopold?" Emma guessed. Regina nodded at that, thinking back and trying to remember if there were times she checked out. She really couldn't think of any but then she does remember her mother snapping at her to pay attention from time to time. She shook her head at the memory.

"You think I should go back to Archie?" she asked timidly, suddenly ashamed at being called out for emotional whatever Emma called it. She couldn't wrap her brain around it.

Emma caught the shame flashing in her eyes and immediately pulled her into her arms. Regina snuggled into her, breathing in her scent and letting her comfort wash over her. She felt her placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Don't be ashamed," she whispered.

"I'm trying not too."

"It's not your fault."

"You have to tell me when I start dissociating. I'm not aware of when it happens. Pull me out of it like how you do when I have a panic attack."

"I promise," Emma's voice shook. "And as for Archie, I can't tell you what to do, but I think it will help. Maybe he can help you become aware of it when it happens."

"I'll think about it," she whispered and then Emma was pulling her back against her so that they were both lying on the couch with Regina on top of her.

"Let's just cuddle for a while," Emma said softly, pressing a kiss to her lips and combing her fingers through dark locks of hair. Regina kissed her back, this time more slow, more passionate as if she didn't want this feeling of love and comfort to end. They spent a good amount of time just making out and enjoying the feeling of being pressed up against each other.

When the need for air became too much, they finally pulled away and Regina looked into lustful green eyes. She gave her a small smile and pressed a sweet kiss on her cheek.

"There's that elusive smile I love so much," Emma grinned, softly raising her hand and caressing her cheek. Suddenly a loud ring echoed in the room, ruining the moment, Regina groaned and stood to grab her cell from her desk. Emma sat up, obviously annoyed at having been interrupted.

She watched Regina answer without even checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"

That's when Emma noticed her face paling and her hands shaking. Regina nearly dropped the phone as she listened to whoever was speaking on the line. She stood and approached her with questioning eyes. A million thoughts of who it could be racing across her mind.

"Yes, mother," she spoke, but making eye contact with Emma so she'd know who it was. Emma frowned at that, anger flashed across her face. They haven't heard from Cora since after Regina left Leopold. "Friday night is acceptable. See you then." She hung up and practically slammed her cell onto the desk. Emma cringed at the sound of the screen possibly cracking.

"Don't tell me she's coming over Friday," she deadpanned and Regina covered her face with her hands in frustration before composing herself and looking at Emma.

"Worse, her highness demanded we come to dinner."


	7. Chapter 6 A Mask To Hide Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels so good to write again even though I should still be taking it easy! I can't help myself haha Enjoy this next chapter and thank you for reading and reviewing!
> 
> Trigger Warning - Emotional Abuse

The rest of the week flew by and the next thing they knew it was Friday and they were in the Mercedes Benz driving to Boston. The last time Regina saw Cora it didn't end well and her mother had vowed she was done with her daughter. She was surprised when Cora called back after months of silence, but then she always knew she wasn't going to be seeing the last of her. Cora was too controlling to ever let her daughter go. Apparently she wanted to make amends despite what happened the last time they saw each other. Regina was nervous but she kept her composure. She wore a mask of indifference, not letting her family see just how anxious she was to see her parents again. After the accident and Leopold threatening and blackmailing her parents, they had moved from Storybrooke to Boston, leaving her childhood home. They left her with Leopold and moved to another city. They never witnessed the bruises or injuries and if they visited, Leopold made sure she hid them well. Besides, she was sure if her parents ever did find out about the abuse in the past, her mother wouldn't care and her father is too much of a coward to do anything.

This past year his health has been deteriorating from congestive heart failure and had been unable to visit her since leaving Leopold. He did express on one of their phone calls how sorry he was and how guilty he felt for not protecting her all those years ago when her mother sold her to Leopold. He was a weak man although how could she blame him when he was being overpowered by Cora.

She loved her father dearly. The only one that let her be herself. The only one to give her love and affection and give her a shoulder to cry on. She wanted him to move back to Storybrooke. She wanted to be near him, but she knew he would never leave her mother.

"I can feel you thinking," Emma suddenly whispered from the passenger seat, a hand squeezing her thigh. Regina gave her a quick glance.

"I was thinking about my father."

"You miss him alot, don't you?" Emma asked, remembering a late night conversation they had about him. Regina had revealed how sick her father has gotten the past year. She had told her that he was the only one who ever loved her for who she was. He was the parent she went to when she needed comfort and affection. She also mentioned that as loving as Henry Sr. was, he was weak and never stood up for her when she needed him to.

"I just wish I can convince him to leave her and come to Storybrooke with us," she admitted. "He's just too scared to upset her."

"How did they even end up together?" she asked, curiously. "They're so different."

Regina glanced into her rearview mirror at Henry who was occupied with his head phones while he played a game on her phone. It's not that she was hiding things intentionally from him. It was just a heavy subject matter that he only vaguely knew about.

"Cora was poor growing up. She lost her mother at a young age and was raised by her father who was a drunk. In order to make ends meet she had to work for most of her childhood. She met my father in college. He comes from a rich family and she used that to her advantage. She believed if she married up she will never have to struggle again the way she did as a child. Even though she made a career for herself, she still leans on my father to provide. She craves as much wealth as she can. I think maybe it's just a survival instinct she has. That was why she never approved of Daniel and didn't see anything wrong with me marrying Leopold."

"God, she's a piece of work," Emma commented, processing what she had just learned. Now it made sense why Cora was cold hearted. She had a rough past. Although, it didn't excuse the way she treated her husband and daughter. "You know she's not going to approve our relationship," she said. "I mean I make a decent check, but I'm not rich either."

"Darling, that's the least of our worries," Regina chuckled bitterly. "She's against same sex relationships." Emma's mouth dropped open at that in shock.

"And you're just telling me this now?" she asked, her voice full of panic.

"Emma she doesn't like you anyway and I will never have her approval unless I go back to that abusive imbecile. Trust me there's no pleasing her so why not just rip off the band aid."

"Does she even know we're together or that I'm coming with you to dinner?"

"No."

"Why are you not panicking about this?" she asked, rolling the window down to get some air. She felt her face flushing and it was suddenly hot. She practically broke out in a cold sweat.

"I'm so used to her constantly criticizing me Emma, it hardly fazes me anymore."

"Yeah, no kidding," she practically gasped as she tried to calm the panic surging through her. "It would have been nice for a heads up though."

"I'm sorry I just didn't want you to be worried all week."

"I understand where you're coming from babe, but no more surprises." Her tone was serious but leveled enough not to offend or accuse her. She didn't want to start any fights right now.

"No more surprises," Regina confirmed as she was pulling off of the freeway. Emma noticed her hands shaking on the steering wheel the closer and closer they got to her parents neighborhood. She knew she was nervous. She and Cora didn't exactly part on good terms. She knew the only reason Regina agreed to this dinner was because she missed her father so much.

Emma's eyes grew wide as Regina pulled into a really rich neighborhood. The houses were exquisite. Cora really did enjoy the finer things in life. Soon enough Regina was pulling into the driveway of a beautiful white manor.

"Wow. This is their house?" she asked as Regina parked in the driveway.

"Wait until you see the backyard," Henry said, pulling off his head phones and passing Emma Regina's phone.

"Let me guess, water slides?" she joked.

"They have a pool! And the yard is huge too!"

"That's awesome kid," she said, suddenly distracted as her eyes landed on the trembling woman beside her. Her hands were clutching the steering wheel so hard her knuckles were turning white. Her gaze was focused ahead, her mind not really here in the present. She looked terrified.

"Hey, look at me Gina," Emma said softly. Henry unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned forward against Emma's seat watching his adoptive mother with worried eyes. She looked at her girlfriend, her walls completely down and bare for her family to see just how nervous she truly was at seeing her cold hearted mother once more.

"I know you're doing this because you miss your father, but the moment you feel like you've had enough, say the word and we're gone."

"Yeah mom," Henry agreed. "The moment you say it's time to go, we'll be right behind you."

Regina nodded and then reached back and squeezed Henry's hand, giving him a warm smile.

"I don't know what I'd do without you two," she said, her anxiety waning and the support of her family washing over her. They made her feel calm and grounded. She took a deep breath and then unbuckled her seat belt. "Shall we?"

The little family exited the Benz and walked up to the front door. Regina took Emma's hand and held her breath as Henry rang the doorbell.

"Breathe," Emma whispered into her ear just as the door opened and they were greeted by a butler. Regina took a breath and let it out as he took their coats and led them into a large foyer. Emma's eyes were everywhere, taking in every inch of the decor in wonder. The foyer was huge with a huge staircase and rooms that led to who knows where. The white and black decor, although beautiful, felt cold. It was nowhere near homey like their blue house.

"Was the house you grew up in back in Storybrooke just as magnificent as this one?" Emma asked curiously as the Butler went to go alert Cora and Henry Sr. of their arrival.

"Yes, the decor was just as grand and cold as this place."

"Regina, Henry, nice seeing you again," Cora's voice suddenly echoed in the foyer along with the clicking of her heels on the marbled floor. Her sentiments were empty however as she locked her gaze onto the blonde sheriff. When she approached them, she formally kissed Regina's cheek. Emma felt her girlfriend stiffen beside her. The tension was so thick between mother and daughter, Emma can feel it radiating from both of them in waves.

"Sheriff Swan, I don't recall extending my invitation."

"I invited her mother," Regina spoke up and Cora turned a hard gaze to her. Emma had to force herself from shrinking back at the intensity in which Cora glared at her daughter. However, the political science professor didn't back down. She held her mother's gaze as if she were challenging her. "And just so you know mother, we're together."

Regina took her hand and Emma looked at Cora, not backing down either. Her mother's gaze fell to their joined hands and became absolutely murderous then. Regina held her head up, daring her to challenge her. Emma couldn't have been more proud.

"You like women?" she practically spat.

"I love Emma," she shot back, suddenly feeling like she was 16 again and telling her mom she was with Daniel. "I need someone who makes me feel loved and safe. It doesn't matter their sexuality or if they're rich. I don't care about any of that. Don't you want me to be happy?"

Cora steadily held her gaze. She didn't even blink. She stepped up to her and placed her hand on her cheek. A cold cruel smile appeared on the older woman's lips.

"Oh darling, but you could be so much more."

Regina stepped back from the hand on her cheek. She shook her head in disgust. She put her arm around Emma's waist and her other around Henry.

"I have everything I could ever want already. Why would I want more when I have a family that loves me for me. I'm sorry you never could. It's your choice right now to decide if you want to be a part of that, because we can just get back in the car and leave."

"Love is weakness, Regina. I thought I taught you that but apparently you need a reminder."

"Is that a threat?" Regina snarled suddenly getting in her mother's face. Emma immediately stepped between them. Regina was furious, her brown eyes blazing. She reminded Emma of the cold angry front she had put up when she first arrived at Storybrooke. She hasn't seen this kind of anger in so long.

"Woh, ok enough," Emma said and looked at Cora. "You either want us here or you don't." Cora backed down and the cold anger she held simmered to an unreadable expression. Regina stepped back and accepted the comforting hug Henry gave her.

"Why don't you and Henry go into the sitting room," she suggested. "I'd like a moment alone with my daughter." Emma raised an eyebrow at that and then turned to Regina. She didn't want to leave her alone for a second with this witch. If it was up to her, they would be in that car right now and heading home. She knew how important it was for Regina to be here to see her father, so she held back and stayed strong.

"It's ok," Regina sighed, the anger she held earlier was gone. Emma nodded, clearly not liking it but decided not to argue. The butler showed Emma and Henry to the sitting room, leaving mother and daughter alone to talk.

"So now you're gay?"

"Yes, you have a problem with that?" Regina asked hostiley.

"Hey, cut the attitude. I didn't raise you to be so disrespectful," Cora snapped. "Besides, you liking women is the least of my concerns. What does matter is that, she has nothing to offer you. She's a sheriff in a small town going nowhere. You will never reach any kind of wealth and power with her. What you had and threw away with Leopold was all for nothing. You could have taken advantage of his grief and overpowered him, instead you were weak and allowed him to abuse you."

"Why can't you understand that I don't want power?"

"You don't know what you want!"

"Ugh, mother!" she groaned in frustration. "You don't listen!"

"No I am and it's clear to me that you chose love. Love is weakness. In the end it will fade and you will be left with nothing. Just like what happened to Daniel." Cora smirked at her, knowing she hit a sensitive subject. She was manipulative and resorted to hurting her daughter to emotionally get her to submit. She didn't tolerate this kind of disrespect from her.

Regina felt like her heart was just ripped out of her chest. She looked at her mother to see nothing but coldness staring right through her. As a child she just wanted her love and approval. Now, she hated her. She hated her with everything she had. It took alot of strength to not just leave. Seeing her father was the only thing keeping her here. She could care less if she ever saw her mother again.

Cora suddenly closed the gap between them and grabbed her chin violently much like the way Leopold used to. She flinched in fear as the memory of her husband's violent grip flashed through her mind.

"Now you listen to me," Cora said in a calm kind of anger that sent chills down Regina's spine. This wasn't right. This wasn't how a parent was supposed to treat their child. Her hands started shaking. "Clearly I can't stop you from being with that idiot, but you will respect me in my house under my roof. Control your emotions and control your mouth, otherwise I'll make sure you'll never see your father again. Is that something you really want to risk when he's so ill right now?"

"No," she whispered, the fire in her eyes dying as she finally submitted to her mother. She looked down in shame when Cora pulled away. "I'm sorry mother."

"Now head along to the sitting room while I notify your father that you're here."

Regina did as she was told and walked into the sitting room to see Emma and Henry sitting on the couch in the middle of a conversation. Emma had a drink on the coffee table but it looked untouched. She stood and went over to her the moment she saw her.

"What did she say?" Emma asked, noticing her shaking hands and taking them in her own hands to help calm her. Her eyes looked defeated. There was no trace of the fiery temper she had towards Cora only moments ago. Emma grew concerned at that.

"Cora being Cora," she sighed. "She's more upset that you're not a wealthy abusive old man than being a woman."

Emma scoffed at that.

"She could be pissed all she wants. I'm only here for you," she assured her, bringing up their joined hands and kissing her knuckles. "Are you ok love? Remember, we don't have to stay."

"I know, but I really want to see him."

"Come sit," Emma guided her to the couch. "Let's get some alcohol in you before dinner." They sat down and Emma handed her the drink she didn't touch. She wanted Regina to indulge tonight and she'll worry about driving home. Regina gratefully took the glass of scotch and took a sip just as her mother walked in with a frail older man.

"Daddy!" Regina cried, rushing over and gently hugging him. Her body shook as she suppressed the sobs that threatened to come out. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," he said into her ear. "I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you." Regina didn't answer. She just held him tightly because no matter how much she loved him, a part of her will always resent him for never fighting for her. They pulled away and she softly placed a hand on his cheek, seeing for the first time how frail and sick he looked. Tears welled up in her eyes at the sight of him wasting before her eyes. "I'm ok sweetheart," he whispered, seeing her concern for him.

"Are you?" she asked, unable to stop the tears this time.

"Yes sweetheart," he smiled at her and then noticed Henry and Emma. Cora was frowning at her daughter and Regina immediately wiped the tears from her cheeks, not wanting to upset her anymore.

"Henry is that you!" He opened his arms to his grandson and Henry happily ran into them.

"I missed you grandpa," he laughed, his eyes full of a kind of love he never showed his grandmother. He was probably 8 before his grandpa's health started declining and was unable to visit anymore.

"You've grown so much," he said as he hugged him close before pulling away to greet Emma. "And you must be Sheriff Swan."

"It's nice to finally meet you Mr. Mills," she shook his hand. "Regina and Henry talk about you all the time."

"Call me Henry. I hear we're family now."

Emma smiled and then reached behind for Regina's hand. She felt the other woman take it and looked back at her proudly before looking at Henry Sr again. She could hear Cora scoffing in the background.

"Yes we are."

"I know we've just met but I can already see you make my daughter very happy and that's all I've ever wanted for her," he said, taking Emma's hands in his.

"Henry, it's time we move into the dining room. Dinner is ready," Cora's cold voice sounded behind them as if it bothered her that her husband was so accepting of Emma.

They moved to the dining room. Emma noticed Regina remained by her father's side and helped him into his chair. He was so sickly and fragile and it broke her heart to see him this way compared to the way Regina described him or the old pictures she had shown her.

Soon enough they were all seated and being served their meal. Emma suddenly had no appetite. She could sense the tension between mother and daughter. Regina couldn't seem to take more than a few bites as her mother went into conversation about the social elites in her community and what their kids were up to. She even started comparing Regina to them, pointing out all the little things that they were doing better such as marrying a rich husband or having a grand house. Clearly she was disappointed Regina wasn't part of their little circle. Emma wasn't sure what was said between them in the foyer after she and Henry left, but she could see Cora somehow hit a nerve because Regina was now sullen and quiet in her seat. She wasn't making eye contact with anyone. That fiery temper she had shown Cora was completely gone.

Emma slid a hand onto Regina's thigh, trying to discreetly get her attention. The brunette slowly met Emma's worried gaze and she sighed in relief at the eye contact.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

Regina nodded and then averted her gaze back to her plate.

"Honestly Regina, all these women are married and successful and here you are getting a divorce. Don't you know how embarrassing it is for me?" Cora scoffed, her eyes boring into her daughter and Emma saw red when Regina seemed to have shrunk into herself. Her confidence was gone from the cruel rants of her mother. If this was just a smidge of what Regina had to grow up with, she can see why she emotionally dissociated herself as a coping mechanism. Between Cora and Leopold, it all made sense now.

Cora continued her ranting and Emma watched Regina closely. She saw the moment Regina's eyes glazed over and her movements became more robotic like she wasn't even aware of herself pushing her food around her plate or taking a sip off water. She saw the exact moment she dissociated herself.

"Isn't that right Regina?" Cora was suddenly asking and Emma realized she had zoned out from the woman's rantings that she completely missed the question and apparently so had Regina.

"I'm sorry Mother?" Her voice trembled and Emma caught her sliding her suddenly trembling hands under the table and buried them into her lap.

"Pay attention when I'm speaking," she reprimanded her and Emma's mouth hung open in shock. Cora just scolded her like a child. "Sit up and look at me as I'm speaking to you. Posture and self respect is everything. Don't you remember what I taught you?"

"Of course I do mother," Regina said, looking at Cora but her eyes went straight through her. She sat a bit straighter and Emma had to bite her tongue from saying anything. Especially when she noticed the look on Henry's face. He looked horrified at seeing his mother treated this way by his grandmother. "I remember everything you taught me."

"Cora, she's a grown woman. Don't speak to her that way," Henry Sr. weakly spoke up. Cora sent him a death glare and he looked away. The dynamic of this little family was scary. Emma couldn't imagine growing up like this and was so grateful Regina seemed to have broken the cycle with Henry. Although, there were some questionable acts on Regina's part when they had been fighting after they first met.

"Oh Henry, she doesn't know what she wants! She could be so much more."

"OK, you know what we're done," Emma threw her napkin down on her untouched food and stood. Henry immediately followed her lead, just as eager to leave. He stood by Emma's side.

"Excuse me?" Cora snapped, getting up as well.

"I'm not sitting here and listening to you talk to her like this," she snapped and then turned to her girlfriend.

"Come on Regina," Emma squeezed her shoulder and the brunette stood from her chair. She was avoiding eye contact. Her chin wobbled for a second as if she were holding back tears and Emma could see she was barely keeping it together. She took her face in her hands, trying to ground her. "Breathe," she whispered. "Are you ok?"

"I want to go," the brunette whispered.

"Alright, come on," she said, leading her away from the table. Henry was standing by the doorway more than ready to get out of there. Regina moved from Emma and over to her father who was sitting distraught in the chair. Cora's cold eyes bore into them.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry." Regina reached out and squeezed her father's hand, her watery eyes meeting his. She hugged him and he smiled weakly at her when they pulled away. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I can see how happy you are now. Don't let your mother take that from you. I'm so proud of you."

"Regina," Cora stood from her chair. "I just want you to have everything."

"I have everything, mother. It's you who have nothing."

The look in Cora's eyes was murderous but Emma couldn't have been more proud. She took Regina's hand and led them out of the mansion.

* * *

Regina didn't even protest when Emma insisted she drive. She handed over the keys to the Benz and got in the passenger seat. Emma looked surprised for a moment before getting in behind the wheel. It wasn't until they were driving away from the house did Emma speak up about what had happened.

"Your mother is a piece of work!" Emma growled, her green eyes flashing angrily. "Everything she said is not true, you know that right?"

"Of course," she said, her voice shaking as she tried so hard to not cry. Her mother's hurtful words echoed in her head. The conversation they had in the foyer still tore her up inside. Of course she knew everything Cora had said wasn't true but it still hurt. "We shouldn't have come here."

"You wanted to see your father," Emma reminded her. "There wasn't really a choice."

"She's never going to let me see him again," she whispered in realization. Her heart felt like it was shattering in a million pieces. She brought a hand up to her chest. It suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Mom?" Henry asked, leaning forward as much as the seat belt would let him. He can hear her breaths becoming quick and ragged. She was holding back tears and was desperately trying to stay calm, but he could see her hands shaking in her lap and the quick panicky breaths.

Emma realized Regina was starting to have a panic attack and she quickly pulled over to the side of the road. She got out of the car and went around to the passenger seat. She opened the door and knelt beside Regina. Her breaths were labored and her complexion had gone pale. Her hands shook and Henry watched her with wide frightened eyes. She took her shaking hands in hers.

"Regina, breathe," she whispered, trying to calm her. "She can't keep him from you. He's a grown man."

She closed her eyes and squeezed Emma's hands as she focused on her breathing. She knew Emma was right but she couldn't shake the anxiety of Cora keeping him from her.

"Emma, is she going to be ok?" Henry's fearful voice sounded from the back seat. He had taken off his seat belt and was leaning over the back of her seat, watching with wide worried eyes. Regina's eyes snapped open and looked up to see her son.

"I'm ok honey," she said with a small unconvincing smile. Her breaths started to calm down and the weight on her chest started to lesson. Emma kept eye contact with her the whole time in an effort to ground her.

"That's it, nice slow breaths," Emma encouraged her. She brought her knuckles up to her lips and placed soft kisses on them. Regina felt her heart rate slowing and after a few more minutes she was able to take deep slow breaths.

"I'm sorry you both had to endure this tonight," she whispered, looking back at Henry and then at Emma. Her brown eyes were suddenly full of guilt. She didn't mean to put them in such an uncomfortable situation.

Emma looked at her with genuine surprise. She can see the guilt in her eyes as Regina averted her gaze. She couldn't believe she was apologizing, but then again she often had to remind the brunette she didn't need to be apologizing all the time. She guessed it was just something she grew used to when living with Leopold.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Emma said, reaching out and placing her hand on her cheek so that Regina would look at her again. "Cora is responsible for the things that come out of her mouth. She should be apologizing, not you."

"I wasn't in control of my emotions," she whispered, her brown eyes glazing over as she thought about the words Cora had thrown at her when they had been alone in the foyer.

"What?" Emma asked in disbelief.

"When we were in the foyer she told me to control my emotions."

"What else did she tell you after we went into the sitting room?" Emma asked angrily, her voice rising without intending to. She was furious that she even let Cora be alone with Regina long enough to sink her claws into her. It suddenly clicked that Cora must have done something to make Regina shut down during dinner.

Regina shrunk back into her seat, flinching away from Emma and looking at her with fearful eyes. Guilt hit her like a ton of breaks as she realized that she had raised her voice without meaning to.

"Ma, you're scaring her!" Henry exclaimed matter-of- factly and hugged Regina from behind. She leaned into him, soaking up the comfort he offered. Regina took a deep breath and tried to remind herself that this was Emma and she would never hurt her or make her feel afraid.

"Babe, I'm sorry," Emma whispered, looking up at her with guilty green eyes. She didn't attempt to reach out and touch her in case she didn't want any physical contact besides from their son. "I wasn't raising my voice at you. I'm just so livid from Cora's behavior and the way she spoke to you."

"I know," she said shakily.

"Is that something she'd always tell you? Control your emotions?" she asked, thinking back to a similar conversation they had after their fight about Mary Margaret. Leopold had always demanded she control herself as well. Her anger for instance. Between Leopold and Cora, Regina was forced to always act emotionally in control which resulted in her having a hard time expressing herself.

"Among other things," Regina nodded.

"Remember, you're allowed to feel upset or scared or even feel angry," Emma told her, her heart breaking just a little bit more. No one should be forced to repress how they feel. After tonight, she felt she got an even better understanding of Regina and the emotionless wall she hid behind sometimes. She now had a better understanding of where the tough facade Professor Mills presented to her after she had brought Henry home upon her arrival to Storybrooke. The cruel mask she wore as the wife of the mayor that made Storybrooke citizens fear her. Hearing Regina talk about her cruel mother was one thing but witnessing it was a whole other level. "You never have to hide."

"Archie calls it a mask to hide behind," the kid suddenly hit the hammer on the nail and both women were stunned.

"Yeah kid, you couldn't have described it any better," Emma recovered from her shock. How did he get so wise? He definitely didn't get it from her or his birth father. Probably from Regina, she was sure of it.

"Emotion is weakness. People exploit weakness. She taught me to hide my emotions and to never let people see what I'm feeling. Leopold reinforced that into me when I would get angry," Regina said quietly, reminding Emma what her mother had drilled into her head from when they had last discussed this after she quit Archie's session. "I know she's wrong. I know it's not healthy to bottle everything up. I know love isn't weakness. Love is strength. You and Henry…" She looked back at her son with a small smile and then turned to Emma. "Are my strength. Sometimes I just need a reminder."

Emma couldn't have been more proud. She saw this as progress in her recovery. Of course she knew this didn't mean she was magically better and would be able to healthily express herself from now on. No… she would still need to be reminded from time to time that it was ok to express herself. That it was ok to be upset or angry or to even soak in the feeling of being loved.

No longer seeing fear in those dark eyes, Emma took this as a good sign. She initiated physical touch by taking her hand. She wanted to kiss her, but wanted to let Regina decide if she wanted to be kissed or not so she settled for hand holding.

"And you know we'll always be here to remind you."

She didn't have to wait long because the brunette smiled and leaned in, softly pressing her lips against hers. It was so sweet and loving and Emma almost cried until Henry plopped back down against his seat.

"Yuck!" he exclaimed with a disgusted face, making Regina pull away with a small amused chuckle.

"You won't think it's yucky when you're grown up and in love," Emma laughed at the pouting boy.

"That'll never happen," he laughed and then suddenly looked down at his stomach which had growled. "I'm hungry."

Emma's stomach growled in response as well and Regina looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I second that kid. We didn't eat much did we."

"Nope!"

"We can order pizza?" Emma asked, looking at Regina.

"And watch a movie?" Henry suggested.

"That actually sounds perfect," Regina answered with a small smile.

"Yes!" Henry exclaimed excitedly as he buckled up his seat belt.

"I know pizza and a movie won't make anything better, but it'll help," Emma said, reaching out and cupping Regina's cheek. She leaned into the warm palm and looked into those soft green eyes. Her anxiety lessened and all she felt was exhaustion.

"Tonight it will," she replied and with one last kiss and a groan from Henry, Emma quickly shut the passenger door and rushed around the car and got back into the driver's seat.

* * *

That night was spent curled up on the couch and watching one of Henry's marvel movies. Regina was curled up into Emma on the couch while Henry was sprawled out on the floor with a bowl of popcorn. After witnessing Cora's behavior and imagining what kind of childhood Regina must have had, being snuggled with their little family in the living room had never made Emma so grateful. Once the movie had finished and the credits were rolling on the screen, Emma realized both Regina and Henry had fallen asleep. Emma pressed a sweet kiss on top of her girlfriend's head and watched as she stirred at the affection. Regina sleepily opened her eyes and reached up and planted a chaste kiss on her cheek making Emma chuckle.

"Want to go to bed?" she asked, her heart bursting at just how adorable Regina was.

"In a few minutes darling," Regina whispered, closing her eyes and snuggling deeper into Emma's chest.

"Are you ok?" she asked, wanting to check in on how she was doing after the night they had.

"I think so," she whispered, opening her eyes and looking up at her. "It's just, she makes me think of the horrible mother I could have become with Henry."

"You're nothing like her."

"I know, but when you came to town I was terrified of losing him… and I hurt him to get to you," she whispered that last part and looked away in shame. "I made him feel like he was crazy because I didn't know how to respond to his fairytale world. I held on to him too tight just like my mother held on too tight to me. I was just like her."

"But you changed. You broke the cycle and now Henry looks at you like you're the sun and the stars," Emma reminded her. "Can you honestly say that about Cora?"

Regina shook her head because she only ever looked at her mother with fear in her eyes.

"The way she spoke to you tonight. The way she berated you all through dinner and then used your father to keep you close to her is disgusting. I never had a mother, but I know that behavior is not normal. She's manipulative and abusive to not just you but to your father as well."

"I wish she could love me for who I am," she whispered and Emma's heart broke at that confession.

"She has no idea," Emma shook her head and then squeezed Regina's hand and then brought it to her lips. She kissed her knuckles and then her palm.

Regina sighed at the affection and then flashed Emma a small smile, her eyes glittering with so much love. She was so grateful to have her in her life after all the horrible things she had been through. Emma's gaze suddenly went from content to worry and Regina frowned at the change in demeanor.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't want to say anything in front of Henry," she said, her voice low as she glanced at the sleeping boy sprawled out across the floor with an empty bowl beside him. "Cora was ranting and you dissociated during dinner. I saw the moment you checked out. The light in your eyes just dimmed."

Regina looked at her with genuine surprise, her dark eyes full of apprehension.

"Do you remember?"

"I just remember sitting there and tuning out her voice. I just stopped paying attention. Is that what you mean when you say I dissociate?"

Emma nodded, the way those brown eyes had glazed over still haunted her. She was positively sure at this point that Regina had developed it as a young child if she had any doubts before tonight. How could a parent not know their child was emotionally drowning rather than just not paying attention. She wondered if Mary Margaret ever noticed it when they were kids.

"Did this happen a lot when you were a child?" Emma asked curiously.

"I think so," she whispered. "I do remember her scolding me alot for not listening or paying attention. I guess it just became so normal I didn't think much of it or notice when it was happening."

"Did your father ever notice you emotionally checking out?"

"I don't know and if he did, he never did anything to stop it," Regina said bitterly, sitting up and putting distance between them. All this talk about her dissociating was making her anxious the more she dug into her memory. "So should we just add this to the list of things wrong with me?"

"Hey," Emma frowned at those words. Did she really think of herself as just something to check off a list each time they solved a problem. "You're not a problem that needs to be fixed."

"Aren't I?" she whispered, her hands suddenly shaking in her lap. She averted her gaze, unable to face the woman beside her. "You didn't exactly sign up for this, Emma. For me to be emotionally checking out. To be broken."

"Gina," Emma whispered, her eyes falling to Henry to make sure he was still asleep before focusing back on Regina. "Can you look at me, please?"

Regina didn't respond. Instead, those brown eyes were fixed on her shaking hands. Emma saw a tear escape and slide down her cheek. She didn't know how they had gone from cuddling to this.

"You want to know what I see?" she asked. "I see a strong woman who has been through trauma and is trying her best to overcome it. I see a mother trying to break a vicious cycle of emotional abuse. I see _you,_ Regina. I don't see a problem that needs to be fixed. It's not a matter of what I signed up for. It's a matter of being there for you and loving you. _And you're not broken_."

Regina was quietly crying now. Her eyes were closed as she took in the words Emma had said. She needed to hear this. She needed to know she wasn't a burden or a problem that needed fixing.

"Please look at me, love."

She opened her eyes, seeing her shaking hands buried in her lap and then slowly looked up at teary green orbs. Emma was smiling at her.

"There you are," Emma whispered. "Can I hold you?"

Regina didn't answer. Instead she scooted over and cuddled into Emma, burying her face into her chest and holding her tight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No apologizing," Emma half chuckled as she placed a sweet kiss through dark hair.


	8. Chapter 7 Spinning Carousel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning - Emotional Abuse

Regina had just dismissed the last class of the day and was wiping the board clean, her back was turned to the door when she heard heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Warning bells went off in her head. She was expecting Emma, but the sheriff of Storybrooke absolutely did not wear heels. She quickly turned and her heart clenched in her chest as she saw who her visitor was. Red hot anger flared up from within. Was the fight at dinner last week not enough for her? Was she back for round two?

"Mother?" she asked, an eyebrow raising in a questioning manner. For some reason being in her lecture hall helped her keep the Professor Mills persona she often carried. Perhaps because being in her element often brought that side out in her. Although, since leaving Leopold she had become softer and her students and coworkers had noticed the slight change in her. She was still strict and expected a lot from her students, but she wasn't so scary anymore.

"Regina," Cora greeted cooly as she approached her with an air of indifference. She looked around the room with disgust. "Tiny lecture hall you have here," she commented.

"Why are you here!" Regina snapped, her red lips practically snarling. She had zero patience after last week.

"I wanted to talk to you without that insufferable sheriff meddling."

"I don't want to hear it mother, and don't insult my partner."

"Your partner." The words rolled off Cora's tongue like a bad taste. "You plan on marrying her? Playing happy family and being _lower class_ for the rest of your life?"

"Did you really drive all this way to lecture me on status?" Regina scoffed.

"No, actually," Cora said with a roll of her eyes. "Your father apparently gained some courage and demanded I tell you that I have no right to keep you from seeing him and he'll have lawyers involved if I don't comply. You can visit whenever you wish."

Regina sighed in relief. Her greatest fear that had her tossing and turning every night since their fight was finally lifted from her shoulders. Her hostile gaze softened into gratitude for her mother.

"Thank you mother," she said softly.

"Thank your father," she answered, her tone harsh and her eyes cold as she looked Regina up and down. She was trying to intimidate her and Regina had to stop herself from shrinking back. She wasn't that fearful child anymore. "Where did I go wrong with you?"

"You are what went wrong with me!" Regina hissed angrily, her dark eyes hostile once more as she thought about the mental repercussions she suffered thanks to years of emotional abuse suffered by her mother's hand. "I've never been enough for you!"

"Leave now!" A voice suddenly boomed from the doorway. Both women looked up to see Emma furiously making her way down to them. Cora shook her head in disbelief and then looked back at her daughter. She knew she was outnumbered, but that didn't stop her from throwing another dig at her daughter.

"One day, _you'll thank me for everything_ I've done for you. Even if you threw it all away," she sneered. "After all that I sacrificed, this is how you repay me?"

"Enough, Cora!" Emma growled, standing beside Regina and taking her hand in support.

Regina squeezed her hand gratefully. Thank her for everything she's done? For the abuse she had to suffer from Leopold like she somehow deserved it? What kind of mother wishes that kind of life on their child? Was she supposed to just stay quiet and take it all for the sake of status? Or do what her mother did and emotionally abuse her husband for power.

No, she will never be her mother.

"You don't control me and you don't control my life," Regina said, her voice shaking in anger. "I don't want to see or speak to you. At least not for a while. I could never be what you want and I could no longer allow you to berate me for it. Go. Now."

Cora just looked at her in shock. Emma looked so damn proud as she kept eye contact, almost as if she were daring her to try something. The older woman scoffed, the anger in her eyes dangerously flickering.

"We'll see," she growled and then stormed out of the lecture hall.

The moment she was gone, Regina seemed to have collapsed from within. Her walls came crashing down and the anxiety she had suppressed in the moment shattered like glass. Emma saw it happen before her eyes. She saw the deep anguish in her eyes as if years of abuse washed over her. Years of mental torment swept through her like the current of a river. She did it. She stood up to her. And then before Emma could even say anything she went from anxious to emotionless as if she put a mask of indifference on. Her dark eyes were empty. She seemed as if she had steeled herself from feeling anything.

"Regina?"

"Henry will be out of school soon." She couldn't even look Emma in the eyes. She turned toward her desk to gathered her things. As she was about to move past her, Emma stopped her with a hand on her arm. She was emotionally shutting down and she wasn't going to let Regina drown as Archie had called it.

"We have time," she said softly. "Can you please look at me."

"I don't want to talk," her voice shook as she finally met Emma's worried gaze. "I can't…" She was terrified of the emotions swirling inside her. She was terrified of letting them out so she held them in. She refused to let Emma see her break down. To see the pain and fear her mother had invoked in her for years.

"Ok, that's fine," Emma nodded. "But please don't shut down on me. Remember, you're allowed to express what you feel." Regina nodded, although she still refused to let everything bubble to the surface.

* * *

They headed over to Grannies in silence. Regina was practically numb the entire drive, barely even saying two words. Emma was worried. She knew Regina had trouble expressing herself. She knew she was conditioned by Cora and Leopold to keep quiet and to bottle everything up. Now it was a matter of helping her learn to open up and express her emotions without suppressing them.

They had a few minutes before Henry was due to meet them after school and Emma hoped she could get her to talk a little before he arrived. Even though Regina found it within herself to stand up to her heartless mother, Emma could still see the anxiety flickering in her eyes as if she were expecting Cora to pop out of the shadows and berate her some more. Emma was glad she never grew up with a mother like that. Who put wealth and power and status before her daughter's happiness. They chose a booth at the back. Emma ordered hot chocolate while Regina ordered some coffee.

Emma could see the slight tremble of the brunette's hands as she took a sip from her mug. She knew she needed Regina to open up a bit. To help her put her feelings and emotions into words.

"There was a time I believed them," she started, sipping her hot chocolate and watching those brown eyes look at her in confusion. "Each time I wound up in a bad foster home, the foster parents would tell me I would never amount to anything. That kids in the system never make it. For a while I believed that." She knew how it felt to be told how much of a disappointment you are and that you'll never amount to anything. Sure, their circumstances were different but they experienced the same emotional trauma to some degree.

"What changed?" Regina asked, finally coming out of her anxious state.

"I met someone when I was skipping bail. Well, she was actually the bail bonds person that was taking me in. She taught me that I make my own destiny. That I am responsible for making myself into something. And she was right. She helped me find my armor."

"I think I found mine today," she whispered. "The strength of my family helped me stand up to her."

"It was all you," Emma encouraged. "You found it within yourself to push back."

"You and Henry helped me believe," she nodded as Emma reached out and placed her hand on hers. "I know what she said isn't true and the way you and our son love me is what makes me believe I am more than what Cora will ever believe I am."

"That's right," Emma whispered, raising her hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles. Regina smiled at her. _Baby steps,_ Emma reminded herself and then decided to ask her the question she knew that will get her to open up more. "How do you feel? You kind of shut down for a moment."

It was such a loaded question and Regina slowly pulled her hand back. She wasn't used to expressing herself so freely. She buried her hands in her lap. Emma saw the anxiety in her expression like the question had scared her.

"I… I'm not exactly sure," she stammered. "Relieved, but also anxious I guess. Like I'm expecting her to come back. I didn't mean to shut down, Emma. I just needed to process everything. "

"That's ok," Emma encouraged her. "You're opening up now."

"It's tiring," she admitted with a soft sigh. "After Cora stormed out, I felt like I was in some kind of shock. All the hurt and pain was coming to the surface and instead of breaking down I held them in. I was afraid to let them out."

"Why is that?"

"Because doesn't it make me _weak_?" she whispered, her voice trembling and her eyes welling up with unshed tears. Emma looked at her in shock, surprised at the term that fell from her lips.

_Weak._

"Never," Emma stated sternly without a second thought. "She taught you to control your emotions. She taught you to hide behind a mask and never let yourself feel. She is the weak one."

"Maybe you're right, Swan." A tear escaped and slid down Regina's cheek and she quickly swiped it away. Emma reached out and gently placed a hand on her cheek. Regina leaned into the comfort.

"I wish she can see what I see," Emma continued, wishing Cora was the mother Regina deserved and the mother she herself had dreamed of having while growing up in the foster system. "I wish she could look at you the way you look at Henry."

Regina gave her a sad smile.

"How can she when she doesn't have a heart?"

* * *

Soon enough Henry arrived with Mary Margaret. Regina's eyes widened as they made it over to their booth. Regina saw them before Emma did. Emma looked at Regina's guarded expression and then turned in her seat to see her former roommate walking up to them. She turned back to Regina to see she was once again shutting down. Her posture was tense, back straight and eyes looking cooly at the young teacher. It was like she put on a mask.

"Hi moms!" Hery hugged them each before plopping down beside Regina.

"Hey, kid how was school," Emma asked.

"It was ok," he shrugged.

"Mind if I join you?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Yes," Regina hissed, her eyes shining with hostility.

"Regina!" Emma admonished, but was she really surprised at this point? Regina never held back when it came to Mary Margaret.

"No, Emma it's ok," she answered, her words trembling. "I just wanted to talk to you about the wedding. David and I actually want to travel for our honeymoon. Instead of spending so much on the ceremony, we're going to do something small. Which means it's just going to be David and I and the officaitor of course."

"Wow, that's a big change from the venues and dresses you were planning," Emma observed.

"We couldn't agree on some things which led to an argument and then we realized it's not the ceremony that matters. What matters is us taking that next step as husband and wife and plus we want to spend our wedding funds on an actual trip."

"So no fairytale wedding for Snow White and her Prince Charming?" Regina practically sneered, her voice dripping with venom.

Emma shot her a "cut it out look". Mary Margaret just looked at her former stepmother thoughtfully. She didn't let the anger and animosity get to her. She ignored the snide comment as she continued with what she had planned to ask them. "After losing my mother and with my father in prison, you three are the only family I have left. I was hoping you could be my witnesses in the ceremony."

"Mary Margaret," Regina spoke up before anyone had a chance to answer. Her voice lacked any kind of warmth or emotion. Her dark eyes bore into her former stepdaughter. "Emma and Henry are your family, but you and I were forced into a mother daughter dynamic by your father. We are not and never will be family. I can not be a part of this."

She didn't stick around to hear anyones reactions, especially that of Mary Margaret's. She stood and walked out of the diner. It took everything she had not to break down with fury right in the middle of main street. She and that insufferable princess will never be friends. They will never be family after everything that had happened. Why couldn't anyone understand that?

Looking as defeated as she felt, Mary Margaret sat down beside Henry. She was trying so hard and it felt like every step forward came with two steps back with Regina. She had no idea how to even mend their beyond broken relationship.

"Why do I even try," she groaned.

"You're not the type to give up," Emma gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize for her," Mary Margaret sighed, obviously stressed about what had just taken place. "She has a right to her anger. What my father did to her was despicable."

"But don't you think her anger towards you is misplaced?"

"What does that mean?" Henry spoke up and both women turned to the anxious ten year old. He looked so worried for his mother.

"She's angry at the wrong person without realizing it," Mary Margaret explained. "She's angry at me for everything that has happened when all that anger should be directed towards my father and Cora."

"Oh," Henry slumped in his seat. "Is she going to be ok?" He looked towards the door as if expecting her to come back. Emma stood, getting worried as well. After the confrontation with Cora, and the way she had emotionally shut down, Emma knew she shouldn't be alone right now.

"I'll go find her. Do you mind staying with Henry for dinner and then bringing him home?"

"Of course not," her friend smiled and then her expression became haunted as she thought of Regina. "Let me know if she's ok?"

"Of course," she nodded and after assuring Henry once more that she would find his mother, Emma stepped out of the diner. It was with brutal realization that she found she didn't have a clue as to where to even look for Regina. She looked up and down the street as if expecting her to be out here waiting. Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be seen. She took out her cell and tried calling, but it only went straight to voicemail.

 _Damn, she turned off her phone,_ Emma realized. _Where would she go?_

* * *

She decided to check the docks first. She knew Regina wouldn't have gone home if she was avoiding people. Once she arrived, she parked the yellow bug and was relieved to see a familiar figure sitting on the bench and looking out into the ocean. She immediately had the sense of deja vu. The last time they sat here was the morning Regina finally let her help her. She had been sitting here with fractured ribs and no hope.

"You turned off your phone," she said, getting her girlfriends attention. Regina turned and looked up at her with annoyance before turning her gaze back to the ocean.

"I don't want to talk anymore or talk about my _feelings_ ," she growled out angrily. Emma sat beside her, but didn't initiate any physical contact.

"Alright, then we'll just sit here. Either way, I'm not leaving you alone."

Regina scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

They sat in silence, neither one of them saying anything. As they watched the waves crashing into the shoreline, Emma could feel the anger that had been radiating off the other woman start to simmer down. She looked over to see those brown eyes staring into the ocean as if she were lost. The moods Regina went through in the span of a few hours was enough to give Emma whiplash. She could only imagine how Regina felt. She wished she had the expertise to help her better, but she didn't. She knew Regina needed to continue seeing a professional.

"Are you upset with me?" Regina suddenly asked and Emma looked at her in confusion.

"Why would you think that, love?" she asked and Regina sighed in frustration more so at herself. Her brown gaze slowly tore itself from the ocean and into green eyes.

"For being a bitch with Mary Margaret…"

"I'm not upset, just concern," Emma assured her. "I know you were stressed out about your mother."

"Either way, I meant what I said to her."

"Don't you think you're being too harsh with her?" Emma asked carefully, not wanting to spark an argument, but also not wanting to brush it under the rug.

"Well how do you expect me to react!" she snapped and then her gaze softened when she saw Emma flinch at her tone. "I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at her hands.

"Regina, I don't expect everything to be ok just like that. I know you two have so much hurt between you. I know we talked about this before. I understand where your pain stems from, but you need to try and meet her halfway. She's trying."

"I know she's trying…" Regina whispered, her dark eyes so full of anguish as if she were torn between forgiving her former stepdaughter or continuing being angry at her.

"Can I ask you something?" Emma asked.

Regina nodded.

"Have you put any thought in seeing Archie again since the last time we brought it up? I'm not trying to pressure you into going. I'm just worried. You processed a lot of emotions today."

Regina closed her eyes at those words and then looked out into the ocean once more. She was annoyed at Emma's honesty, but at the same time she was right. She was mentally exhausted from the different emotions she felt today. Like she was on a carousel and couldn't get off. Her head was spinning.

"I'll give him a call."


	9. Chapter 8 Show Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consensual Sex
> 
> Trigger Warning - mentions of sexual abuse

Her hands were shaking as she sat on the couch in Archie's office. The crackling flames in the fireplace were warm in the hearth, but she trembled in her seat. Archie was sitting across from her, taking note of the way Regina anxiously sat before him.

She had called requesting a second appointment and as shocked as he was, he immediately opened his service to her once more. This time he thought he'd try a different approach that won't cause her to shut down and back away like the last time. Discussing and encouraging her to open up about her emotions caused her to close up. The exact opposite of what he wanted. So now he would let her take the lead in discussing her emotions and backing off when he sees her getting too anxious. Kind of like now.

They had been discussing the events that happened since her last session. The dinner with Cora and the way she emotionally dissociated herself. Her standing up to Cora and then emotionally shutting down on Emma along with the mood swings. Archie was surprised she had brought it up, considering how uncomfortable she was talking about how she felt.

"Let's stop for now and try to calm your mind," he said softly, getting up and moving from his chair to sit beside her on the couch. He kept a good distance, respecting her space. He just didn't want her to feel like he was only helping her because she was a job or that he resented her because of the way she had treated him in the past. He wanted her to feel like he cared and she can trust him. "You mentioned there was a technique Emma used to help you feel grounded?"

Her breaths were shaky and her hands shook. Her brown eyes were panicked. He knew this session wasn't going to be easy. She had opened up alot today and now she was having an anxiety attack.

"She'll ask me three questons," she said, unable to look at him. She shared so much. More than she realized and now she started second guessing herself. Her chest felt heavy as she tried to control her ragged breaths. She barely even realized Archie sitting beside her but at a distance. Like he was trying to offer comfort without overstepping boundaries.

"And what are those questions?" he asked softly, realizing Emma had come up with a grounding technique like he had recommended over the phone.

"Where am I? Who is she? And how does she make me feel?"

"OK, that's a perfect grounding technique," he approved. "How about using it now to help with the anxiety?"

"Ok," Regina whispered. "I'm in your office."

"Good," Archie encouraged.

"You're Archie…"

"Thats right."

"You make me feel… safe." She had trouble admitting it, but she did feel safe around the therapist. No matter how nasty she had been to him, he always had her best interest at heart.

"Deep breaths," he said softly, and when she was finally able to control her trembling hands and shaky breaths she finally looked at him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her brown eyes looking so vulnerable for the first time in front of him. No longer was she the fiery woman that gave him so much grief in the past while working with Henry. Now her walls were down and he could see the pain and fear in her eyes. He tilted his head at the words she had whispered.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I lost control," she said as if she were ashamed. "I felt like I was oversharing and I shouldn't have. I just panicked."

"Regina, opening up and letting go is nothing to apologize about. I know Cora made you shut everything you felt away. I know Leopold made you suppress your anger towards him. They did that to control you and now you're free of them. You're allowed to express yourself. I know it's hard and it's scary, but we'll get through it slowly. I won't push you like our last session. I want you to take the lead and open up when you're comfortable."

"I shared a lot today."

"You did and I'm proud of you," he acknowledged. He really was impressed. It had all just tumbled from her lips without him really having to intervene. It was the moment she had realized how much she had shared was what made her panic. She wasn't used to sharing and opening up and he hoped from now on she'll continue this progress.

"Now, let's discuss some grounding techniques," he continued. "Emma's way is actually perfect for when you feel anxious or frightened and need to be grounded. There are also other techniques such as focusing on breathing, counting, listing your surroundings, anything to really redirect your mind. Also, there's techniques to ground you even when you're not feeling anxious or frightened, for instance a hobby."

"Hobby?" she questioned as if it were the most bizarre thing that came out of his mouth. She's never had one. Cora and Leopold had such a tight grip on her she was never allowed to even consider having one.

"Something you like to pass the time with."

"I know what it means, I just don't have one."

"Was there anything you enjoyed doing as a child?"

"I umm…" She took a second as she thought back to her childhood. She used to love riding horses at the stables with her father. In fact that was where she first met Daniel. They had taken riding lessons together since they were seven. Cora put a stop to those lessons when she had become 16 claiming she was too old for them. She hasn't been on a horse or in a stable since Daniel died.

No, she will not step foot into the stables. It was too painful.

"Regina?"

Regina shook her head and looked up at the therapist. She had spaced out for a moment, getting lost in painful memories. He looked at her in concern and she averted her gaze.

"I said I don't have one." Her voice was clipped and closed off. Her gaze was focused straight ahead, not at all making eye contact. She closed herself off, unable to admit that her favorite childhood past time had become a distant memory.

"Ok," Archie nodded, not wanting to push her. He knew the subject triggered some kind of painful memory. "How about doing something with Henry as an alternative."

Regina nodded, taking a deep breath as she pushed the memories away.

"I think I can do that," she agreed.

* * *

After her session, Regina decided to go meet Emma at the station. Her brain felt like mush and her heart felt heavy in her chest after that emotionally exhausting session. She needed some comfort and then maybe they could go get some coffee together. Well, she at least needed the caffeine. Emma as usual will probably settle for hot chocolate. She got into the Benz and drove to the station. She parked right next to the yellow bug. She felt just a little bit better at the thought of seeing her girlfriend. Those sparkling green eyes and mischievous smile that was so much like their son's was enough to lift the weight from her chest.

She entered the station to see Emma sitting at her desk.

"Hey, love," Emma smiled at her, getting up and greeting her with a sweet kiss on the lips. She tensed up for a moment but then relaxed when Emma pulled her into her arms as if she had sensed exactly what she needed. "What's wrong?"

"The session with Archie just made me anxious," she whispered, burying her face into her shoulder and soaking up the comfort in being in her lover's arms. Emma pressed a kiss through her hair before pulling away and looking into anxious brown eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"He didn't push me this time into expressing my emotions. I actually just let everything spill and when I had realized how much I shared I panicked. I'm just not used to opening up so much. He reminded me that it was ok to let myself feel, just like you have been doing."

Emma looked at her in awe. This was definitely a big step. She had opened up to Archie. Of course she understood why she felt anxious afterwards. She wasn't used to healthily expressing herself without suffering repercussions from both her mother and ex husband. As Emma looked back on the time she arrived at Storybrooke, she mentally kicked herself for not noticing it faster. The way Regina had held on to Henry too tight and lashed out at her was a huge red flag. At the time she just thought Regina was insane. The way she used fear to intimidate the citizens of Storybrooke was also a huge flag. She had come a long way since those days.

"You realize how much of a big step that is?"

"It is?" she asked, looking unsure of herself.

"When we met you expressed yourself in anger or just completely shut down and hid behind an emotionless mask. Now look at you, talking and opening up."

"Then why do I feel so anxious like it's wrong?" she asked.

"Because Cora and that douche bag made you think it was," Emma told her seriously, trying to keep the anger from lacing her words.

"My mother reprimanded me alot, made me feel like a disappointment and Leopold…" she shook her head in disgust at the memory. "He'd beat me until I submitted."

Emma swallowed heavily at that and then softly pressed a kiss on her girlfriend's lips. It was never easy hearing about the abuse.

"They were wrong," she whispered.

The sound of footsteps followed by David coming in made Regina retreat. She looked at him fearfully and Emma didn't miss the way she had discreetly stepped back so that she was behind her. She frowned at that before greeting her deputy.

"Hey, David. How was patrol?" she asked.

"Besides from the hydrant popping open on Arendale Ave, not much," he said and she realized he was actually soaked. "Hi Regina," he smiled politely.

"Your clothes are wet," she stated the obvious. Emma noticed she wouldn't make eye contact and was nervously wringing her hands.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Emma, do you mind if I take off early? I want to go home and change before meeting Mary Margaret for our date."

"No not at all. I'll wait till Mulan gets here for the night shift. Have fun," the sheriff smiled. David nodded his thanks.

"Have a great night you two," he said, gathering his stuff and then heading out for the day.

"Are you ok?" Emma asked, turning to Regina the moment he was gone.

"Yes dear, why do you ask?"

"Does he make you nervous?" she asked. Regina seemed to be afraid of David. She saw it every time they happened to be in close proximity.

Regina visibly deflated. Of course Emma could see it. She was always uncomfortable when she was alone with a man. She always got the worst of Leopold's temper when she found herself alone with him. It had instilled a certain fear in her even though he was in prison.

"He was always at his worst when we were alone," she whispered. "I have a hard time being around any man, especially alone."

"You've been alone with Archie," Emma said in confusion.

"It's different with him. I used to bully him when he was treating Henry. He should be afraid of me. And he makes me feel safe in a way."

"Hey, it's completely understandable," Emma assured her, not wanting her to be embarrassed or anything. They went back over to her desk.

"I feel it's an irrational fear," she admitted as Emma took a seat, pulling Regina into her lap.

"It's not irrational," Emma told her seriously. "It's real and not just something to brush off."

Regina shrugged and Emma pulled her in for a kiss. Regina leaned into it, letting the comfort wash over her. She didn't want to think about Leopold and the emotional repercussions she was now suffering. She didn't want to talk about her feelings or fears anymore. She just wanted to be with Emma. She wanted to be normal and happy with the woman she loved. At least for a moment. Their kisses became deeper and passionate and soon Regina found herself wanting more under Emma's soft caresses and touches.

She pulled away and Emma started kissing her neck. She moaned at the feeling of warm lips against her skin. It's been a while since they last did it.

It wasn't until they heard footsteps down the hall, then they quickly pulled away. Regina jumped off Emma's lap just as the night sheriff walked in.

"Hi, Mulan," Emma greeted her, trying to keep her breathing regulated. The other woman smirked as she dumped her stuff down on the other desk. Obviously she knew she interrupted something.

"Good afternoon," she greeted. "Anything I should know about before you take off?"

"What?" Emma asked, her mind instantly going to the little make out session she had with Regina just moments ago.

"She's talking about the day shift," Regina grumbled, shoving her lightly.

"Oh, just that a hydrant burst open on Arendale Ave. David took care of it."

"Great," Mulan plopped down in her seat.

"Awesome, so we'll just be going," Emma fumbled awkwardly, her cheeks red as she gathered her things. She didn't know why she felt so embarrassed at almost being caught making out. She shot Regina a playful glare. She looked far too amused.

They rushed out to the Benz. Emma would come back for the bug later.

"Stop," she grumbled as she buckled up in the passenger seat.

"What am I doing?" Regina questioned, as if she had no idea what Emma was talking about.

"Stop laughing."

"I'm not!"

"You want to."

Regina couldn't keep the grin off her face.

"You really thought she was asking about our little make out session?" she laughed.

"Maybe."

* * *

The moment they made it home, they wasted no time in getting upstairs in a flurry of kisses and touches. With everything that has been going on, they haven't been able to do anything more than soft touches and heated make out sessions. Now that they were alone and with Henry at the arcade with the Zimmerman twins, they could no longer ignore the yearning of being in each other's arms and giving each other the pleasure of release.

Emma was so gentle and so attentive, Regina almost cried. She had never experienced something so loving and tender when having sex with Emma. She made her feel loved and so beautiful versus the cruel hands of her ex husband. Regina moaned as Emma moved her kiss from her lips to her neck as she started unbuttoning her blouse. Warm lips trailed down her chest. Her shirt was pushed off her shoulders and before the blonde took it a step further, she stopped and looked into lust filled eyes. She gently lifted Regina's chin with her finger.

"Do you want this?" she asked, just like every other time they've done it. Emma always made sure to get Regina's consent.

"Yes, my love," she whispered and leaned in to take those pink lips into hers. Emma deepened the kiss as she reached around to unclasp her black lace bra.

Regina gasped when Emma ended their kiss and started pressing kisses down her neck and chest until she took a hard nipple into her mouth. Her hands buried themselves into blonde locks, gently massaging her scalp and holding her against her breasts as Emma sucked and lapped at each one.

"That feels so good," she practically purred, her hands moving from blonde locks and fumbling to remove her red leather jacket. They pulled away for a moment so that Regina could pull Emma's shirt over her head. She cupped warm breasts in her palms through red lace.

"Take it off," Emma encouraged her, pulling her close by the hips so they were flushed against each other.

Emma continued her assault on Regina's neck as she undid the clasped and cupped warm breasts into her palm. Emma moaned at the feeling of being touched by her lover. She needed more. She wanted to give more.

She started walking Regina backwards to the bed where they gently fell upon it with Emma on top. She looked into warm brown eyes full of lust.

"Can I try something?" she asked, curiously and Regina's lustful expression became hesitant. "You can say no if you're uncomfortable."

Regina sat up, her hands suddenly trembling as she pulled her knees up to her chest. Emma suddenly felt like she was about to have heart palpitations at the way Regina had suddenly backed off and curled into herself. Sex was always delicate between them. There was a lot that Regina was afraid to try. Penetration being one of them.

"Do you want to go inside?" She sounded so scared and Emma was quick to assure her. She knelt on her knees before her.

"No, not if you're not ready," she said softly. "I was wondering if you let me… go down on you?" she asked. "I won't go inside, I promise." Emma thought she was going to back down, but to her surprise, Regina's posture relaxed. The fear and hesitance in her eyes faded. She looked at her curiously now. She was definitely intrigued and Emma was reminded that she had probably never experienced oral sex with a woman. She shuddered at the thought of what she might have been forced to do with Leopold. She didn't want to think about that.

"OK," she nodded.

"Are you sure?" Emma asked. "I don't want you to just say yes to appease me. You have to want it too."

"I'm sure," Regina whispered.

Emma hesitated, not sure if she should go through with it after all. Maybe, she wasn't ready to take things further, but then Regina was pulling her down as she settled back into the pillows. She captured her lips with hers and wrapped her legs around her, grinding her center against her own. Emma moaned at the warmth.

"I trust you, Emma," Regina whispered, their lips so close they could feel each other's breaths.

Emma nodded and then sat back to remove her slacks. Emma pulled off her jeans as well. She sat between Regina's legs, soaking in the image of her in black lace underwear. Her hair splayed out against the pillow and her eyes full of so much love and desire. Regina removed her panties and parted her legs, inviting her in and Emma nearly lost it.

"Tell me if you feel uncomfortable and I'll stop right away."

"Of course my love, now please get on with it." She was getting impatient and Emma couldn't help the mischievous glint of her eyes as she pulled her into a heated kiss. She took her time, not wanting to rush things. She moved from her lips to her neck and then started focusing on lavashing her breasts. She slipped a knee between her legs and moaned at the wetness she felt there, her mouth watering at the thought of tasting her. Regina started grinding against her, her skin becoming hot and flushed.

"Emma…" she moaned, needing more. She was nervous but also turned on at the notion of Emma's mouth on her. She needed it, unable to wait much longer. She lifted her girlfriends head from where she was latched onto a nipple and palming at the other. "I'm ready," she whispered in case Emma felt like taking her time for her sake.

Emma looked into those brown eyes that looked at her with so much love and want. She lowered her hand and cupped her center, making Regina buck into her hand. She nearly came herself right then and there when she felt how wet the brunette already was. She stroked her until Regina was practically purring.

She kissed her lips, showing her how much she loved her without words before finally descending. She can smell her arousal and her mouth watered. She licked the length of her slit, making Regina hiss in surprise. She tasted exquisite. She lapped at her, probing her clit and working her into a frenzy. She barely even realized the hand on her head, fingers tangling into her hair. She licked at her entrance, but didn't dare probe or enter it.

Regina never felt anything like this. The feeling of Emma's tongue was sensational. Even when she licked over her entrance, she wondered how it'd feel if she were to actually enter her. She almost gave in, but then the memory of Leopold constantly forcing himself inside her flashed in her mind along with ghost pains of him stretching her. She decided this was ok for now. She never knew oral sex could be so pleasurable. Her husband never pleasured her. It was never about making her feel good or loved. It was about his pleasure and showing her who was in power. Memories of him forcing her on her knees, a hand gripping tightly and painfully at her hair as he forced her to take him into her mouth suddenly flashed into her mind and Regina quickly pulled away and sat up.

Startled, Emma sat up on her knees, wiping her chin and looking at her in concern. Unsure if she had done something wrong.

"Regina?"

"I just need a minute darling," she assured her. She wanted this. She wanted Emma to pleasure her. She trusted her. She loved her. She tried reminding herself all these things as she took deep breaths. Emma was suddenly lying next to her and pulling her into her arms, holding her close.

"You're ok. You're safe and you're with me," Emma whispered, pressing kisses through her hair. "We don't have to continue."

"No, I want to," Regina assured her. "It was wonderful, but it just brought up something bad. Can we try again?"

Emma kissed her and Regina moaned as she tasted herself. The images of Leopold forcing her on her knees faded from her mind's eye as Emma started trailing kisses down her body until she was back at her core.

She delved in and Regina bucked into her mouth, the desire of reaching her peak hitting her at full force once more. Emma's tongue swirled around her clit, sucking and nibbling until she couldn't take anymore.

"That's it baby," Emma murmured before finally ending the torture and pushing her towards her climax. She came hard and Emma helped her ride it out, lapping at her until she had enough.

Emma slid towards her, pulling her into her arms and holding her as she recovered from her high. She kissed her, letting her taste herself once more. Regina's hand sunk down to feel how aroused Emma became.

"Mmm, I love you darling," she whispered when they pulled away, her hand sliding into her panties and stroking her. Emma's breathing became shallow.

"Show me," the sheriff teased, eyes gleaming as she nibbled her bottom lip.

Regina slid off the other woman's panties, revealing glistening folds. She suddenly had the urge to taste her. She licked her lips. Emma seemed to know what she was thinking because she gently lifted Regina's chin.

"Are you sure?" she asked for the second time. "I want you to do this because you want to."

"I'm sure," she said seriously, kissing Emma and then descending to her breasts, her hand stroking her center as she took a nipple into her mouth.

"Yes, love that's it," Emma moaned, bucking into Regina's hand. She gently cupped her head, holding her to her breast gently enough so she didn't feel trapped in anyway.

When she had spent enough time on her breasts, Regina finally slid lower down until she was kneeling between the blonde's legs, smelling her arousal and taking a curious lick. She moaned at the taste, never experiancing something so erotic. So pleasurable and intimate. She hungrily went for it so fast Emma nearly screamed.

"Regina, you're gonna make me cum too fast if you keep at my clit like that," she gasped, trying desperately to hold on just a little bit longer and then the next thing she knew a tongue was probing at her entrance. Her hands tangled into dark locks, holding her gently as she felt her enter her.

"Oh my god!"

That seemed to spur her on because Regina started thrusting into her. Emma cried out, feeling herself about to fall over the precipice of a mind blowing orgasm. For being with a woman for the first time, she was damn good.

A tongue was suddenly replaced with two fingers and that talented tongue was now sucking and nibbling on her clit. Emma's eyes practically rolled back into her head. This woman was a goddess.

"Oh god I'm gonna cum!" she cried, her muscles tightening. Regina quickened the pace, her tongue swirling her clit before sucking hard.

That did it.

Emma screamed, letting go and letting the orgasm hit her at full force. Regina helped her ride it out until she collapsed back against the pillows, her body feeling like jelly. Regina smugly climbed over and laid on top of her, being careful not to squish her. She kissed her lips and then pulled away with that smug smile still on her lips.

"You're amazing," Emma whispered, wrapping her arms around her and holding her against her body. She loved the feeling of the smaller woman on top of her. They fit so perfectly.

Suddenly a dark look came over the woman on top of her and the smug smile was replaced by her nervously biting her bottom lip. She looked away and Emma frowned at the sudden change.

"Hey, look at me," she coaxed her to meet her eyes. "Are you ok?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "About me getting nervous when you were in the middle of…"

"No, Regina…" Emma was quick to assure her. "That is something you should never apologize for. I would never pressure you into doing something you're not ready for."

Regina nodded hesitantly and Emma reached out, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear and then caressing her cheek.

"Do you want to talk about when you got nervous? You don't have to, but if it's bothering you you're allowed to open up."

She felt the brunette go rigid and her eyes flickered with panic as if she was remembering something bad. Emma suddenly had a sinking feeling it had to do with Leopold probably forcing sexual acts on her.

"It just brought back bad memories," she muttered, her eyes down casting.

"Ok," Emma nodded, not wanting to push her into saying anymore. Besides, she's pretty sure she has an idea of what those bad memories are. Once again she shuddered in revulsion. All that mattered was that the woman on top of her felt safe and loved. "I hope you can replace those with good memories now."

Those brown eyes looked at her once more and she leaned in, kissing her so tenderly. Emma rubbed a hand up and down her back, their legs tangling together as if to bring her closer against her.

"I definitely can," Regina whispered against her lips.


	10. Chapter 9 Agree to Disagree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- Talk of abuse and rape
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Enjoy!

They had gone another two rounds and were now cuddled under the sheets. Regina was on top of Emma, her head resting on her chest. Her eyes were closed as she soaked up the comfort Emma so freely gave her. The blonde ran her hand up and down her back, feeling the ridges of the scarring on tan skin. Back when Regina was in the hospital getting the rape kit done, Emma had asked about them. She had closed up at the time and just said she had upset him. She never said anything else about it.

"You're so beautiful, you know that," Emma whispered, kissing the top of her head. Regina raised her head to look at her. Her dark hair that had grown slightly longer since they first met now fell over her shoulders.

"So you've said, over and over in the past hours," Regina smirked, kissing those lips. Emma moaned into the kiss, allowing her entrance when she swiped her tongue on her bottom lip. Things started getting heated again and Emma had the sense to pull away before they could go for round four. Henry was literally going to walk in on them if they don't get up. They didn't want to traumatize the poor kid when he got home. A thought came to her and she wondered if Regina was willing to try it with her.

"How about a shower?" she asked.

"Together?"

"If you want to," Emma assured her, making sure she knew she had a choice, especially when it came to intimacy. Regina tilted her head, her brown eyes sparkling with that same curiosity she had when Emma asked to go down on her. "It'll be fun, trust me," Emma laughed. "And it doesn't always have to be sexual. We could just wash each other's hair."

"Wash each other's hair?"

"Yup, up to you babe," she replied with a chaste kiss on the lips.

"I'd like that," she said and then hesitated, nervously biting her bottom lip. Emma frowned in concern at that.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"As fun as having shower sex sounds, I really don't want Henry hearing us if he were to walk in. Can we just wash each other's hair." She looked so embarrassed asking, her cheeks blushed and she averted her gaze.

"Of course! You don't even have to ask," Emma assured her, kissing her cheek and then her lips. "You never have to do anything you don't want to. You always have a choice. We could be in the middle of it, stripped naked and hot and bothered and you could still change your mind."

Regina looked at her in awe. Love and adoration shined in those dark eyes. She sweetly kissed her lips and caressed her cheek lovingly. She had no idea what she had done to deserve her.

"You know you're beautiful, right darling?" she asked, repeating Emma's earlier sentiment making the blonde beneath her laugh.

Regina slid off of her, letting the blanket fall from her shoulders and revealing her naked body. Emma's eyes wandered and Regina smirked seductively. Her own eyes wandered over the sheriff as well. She was so beautiful, Regina almost decided to just take her right then and there, but knowing Henry would be home any minute pushed her to get out of bed. She held out her hand for Emma to take. As the blonde stood, she suddenly started feeling uneasy as she followed her to the bathroom. The thought of it was so intimate. Of course she trusted Emma to not take it further if she didn't wish for it. Although, memories of Leopold forcing his way into her shower, pressing her against the tiles as he violated her flashed through her mind. Once she had locked the door and received a severe beating because of it. From then on, she never locked the door if she took a bath or a shower, never knowing if he'd come in to either rape her or pick a fight.

She stood at the doorway, hesitating as Emma went in and put the water on. When she seemed satisfied with the temperature, Emma turned back to see her girlfriend shaking where she stood. Her eyes were glazed over as if she were trapped in a memory. A sudden ball of hot anger surged through her as she realized she was thinking about some kind of traumatic memory that had to with Leopold. She wasn't exactly sure, but she had a feeling he might have violated her even in their bathroom back at the mansion. She took a breath, calming the anger for the bastard and focusing on the nervous woman in front of her. She approached her, not touching her unless she wished it.

"Hey..." she whispered and apprehensive brown eyes looked up at her.

"Were just going to shower, right?" she asked, almost panicking. "We're not going to take it further?"

"Only if you wish to," Emma confirmed seriously, deep concern etched on her face. "If you're not comfortable we can shower separately."

"No," her voice shook. "I want to. I need to replace the bad memories. I was never allowed to lock the door when I'd shower or take a bath. Sometimes he'd come in and..." She trailed off, unable to voice what he'd do to her out loud. She didn't have to. By the horrified expression on Emma's face, she knew she got the picture.

Emma gently took her hand and led her to the tub. She cupped her face with both hands on her cheeks, smoothing back her hair and then kissing her tenderly. "You're safe," she whispered, when she pulled back to look at her. "Remember, you have a right to say no to anything."

Regina nodded, kissing the palm on her check.

"Are you ready?" Emma asked softly.

Regina nodded again and allowed Emma to help her step in. Emma stepped in behind her and guided her into the spray. Regina tensed at first, not knowing what to expect suddenly.

"Breathe, baby," Emma whispered as she ran her fingers through locks in an attempt to soak them under the water. "You're ok. Take a deep breath."

Regina focused on her breathing, her hands suddenly gripping Emma's waist in an attempt to ground herself and shut out the bad memories. She closed her eyes, letting the warm water and Emma massaging her scalp lull her into a state of calm. Her heart stopped racing and her chest felt lighter. She could breathe again.

"There you go," Emma whispered, reaching for the shampoo bottle and lathering up her hair. "Is this ok?"

"Perfect," she whispered, now feeling so relaxed under Emma's ministrations. Once her hair was thoroughly lathered and rinsed, Regina stepped aside to let Emma get under the spray. She combed her fingers through long blonde locks, imitating what Emma had done and gently massaged shampoo into her hair.

Emma looked just as relaxed as she scrubbed her hair and rinsed the shampoo off. Regina couldn't help herself from kissing her under the spray, their bodies pressed up against each other as Emma wrapped her arms around her, holding her close.

Whatever fears and nervousness she felt before, now melted away and were replaced with a calmness that had settled over her. She moved from Emma's lips and started kissing her neck. She felt Emma sliding her hands up and down her back. She instantly was reminded of the scarring there but pushed it to the back of her mind as she continued her assault on Emma's neck. She felt the blonde shudder beneath her touch when she hit a particular spot.

"Mmm, babe," Emma groaned. "You make me feel so good."

Regina smiled smugly against her skin as she peppered kisses up her neck and then took her lips in hers, her tongue sliding over her lower lip for entrance. Emma allowed it and groaned at the intensity of the kiss. When they finally pulled away they were breathless and flushed.

"At this rate, we'll never finish," Emma chuckled, cupping her cheek and placing a sweet kiss on her brow. She grabbed the conditioner and started lathering up dark locks of hair again.

"I need a haircut," she grumbled as Emma worked a few knots out.

"Aw, I like it long."

"It's getting unmanageable."

"I love your natural curls," she pouted as she guided Regina towards the spray. "Rinse."

When she was done, Regina stepped behind her to grab the bottle of conditioner. She had to slightly bend at the knees a little so that she could reach the top of her head.

"You're one to talk with your straight wavy locks," she continued as she slid her fingers in between strands of hair. "You don't know the struggle especially when it gets humid or when it rains."

"Yeah but it's so basic compared to yours," Emma groaned.

"You have beautiful hair," Regina disagreed as Emma reached over to place a kiss on her cheek.

"Let's agree to disagree, love," she whispered.

Once they were done washing each other's hair, Emma got the lufa and started scrubbing tan skin. Regina sighed at the mintrastions, feeling so relaxed her legs were feeling like jelly. Emma dragged it over her neck, her chest and breasts, her belly, her legs and arms. It wasn't until Emma got to her back, then she felt her hesitate.

For a split second she was confused until Emma, lightly dragged a finger along one of the scars, reminding her of their presence for the second time.

"Does it still hurt?" Her voice was so small and shaky as if she were desperately trying to keep it together.

"No," Regina whispered, her hands shaking and her heart speeding up at the memory of her husband brutally hitting her back with his belt until she bled. He only ever struck her like that when she would run away or test his patience to the extremes. The last time he had whipped her was when she had gotten in trouble for arresting Emma. She swallowed hard at the memory of Leopold pushing her down on her knees over the edge of the couch. His hands ripped off her shirt and bra leaving her bare as the belt came down on her skin. She could remember screaming through the gag that was her shirt.

"Regina?" Emma saw her body going rigid and her hands starting to shake. She cursed under her breath as she realized a panic attack was coming on. She should have known better. She shouldn't have brought up the scars in the shower of all places knowing that she might trigger a panic attack. "Hey, look at me sweetheart."

Her breaths were fast and she was clutching at her chest as if she couldn't breathe. Emma carefully stepped in front of her so that she could look at her.

"Regina, I'm right here with you. You're not with him. You're not in that house. You're safe and you're home."

Her brown eyes were full of fear. Her body was shaking and tears were sliding down her cheeks and mixing with the spray of the shower head.

She wasn't responding and so Emma turned off the water and wrapped her in a towel. Hoping she'd be more comfortable if she wasn't exposed.

"Hey look at me, Regina."

"Emma…" she gasped between breaths.

"Let's answer the questions. Who am I?"

"Emma," she repeated like she was desperately trying to ground herself with her name alone.

"Where are you?"

"Home."

"And how do I make you feel?"

"Safe," she whispered, her breathing startling to regulate.

"That's it," Emma encouraged her, reaching out and placing her hand on her rapidly beating heart. "Deep breaths, that's it love."

Regina focused on her breathing and allowed Emma to pull her into her arms. She snuggled into her chest, closing her eyes and breathing in her scent.

"You're ok," Emma whispered. "I got you. You're safe."

"I'm safe," Emma felt the shaken woman whisper against her chest like she was desperately trying to remind herself.

They stood there, Emma holding Regina until she had stopped trembling and was no longer struggling to breathe. Emma shivered as she realized she was still very naked.

"Let's dry off and get warm," Emma suggested.

Regina slowly stepped back, wrapping the towel around her more tightly. Her eyes were tear stricken and she looked exhausted.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice trembling. Emma grabbed a towel from the wall hook and wrapped it around herself. She looked at her in surprise and then softly caressed her cheek and kissed her lips.

"No apologizing, remember?"

"Right," Regina nodded and then followed Emma into the bedroom. They quickly got dressed and when they were done they decided to head down to the kitchen for some tea while they waited for Henry to come home.

Regina was sitting at the kitchen island as Emma sat a hot mug in front of her. All traces of her previous playful mood had disappeared. Her dark eyes seemed to be far away as well as her mind. Whatever Leopold had done to her back, she was lost in the memory of it. Emma sat beside her with her own mug. She reached out, placing her hand on top of Regina's while trying to meet her gaze.

"You can talk about it," she encouraged, trying to get her to open up. She was shutting down and Emma was trying to pull her out of it. Regina slowly met her gaze and Emma let out a sigh of relief that she hadn't completely shut her out.

"I don't know if I can," she said so quietly. Her hands started trembling and Emma squeezed them in an attempt to ground her. "It was recent."

Emma's blood boiled at that. Exactly how recent did Leopold give her those lash marks. She tried to remain calm however for Regina's sake.

"It's ok too if you don't want to talk about it, but you know I'm here."

Regina seemed to weigh her options, as if she were debating whether to just go ahead and talk about what had happened or stay silent. Finally, after a few moments of silence Regina looked into green eyes. She looked so scared and Emma reached out to caress her cheek in comfort.

"You're in a safe space," she reminded her. Regina nodded and took a breath and the fear in her eyes faded. She was nervous.

"The times I ran away or really tested his patience, he had a special kind of punishment for me. He only did it a few times but as you can see, he left his mark as a reminder."

Emma took her hands again, waiting in anticipation.

"He'd push me to my knees, strip my back so it's bare and take off his belt…"

She needed a moment as her heart started racing again.

"Ok, take a moment," Emma stopped her, getting up and hugging the distressed brunette. "Breathe, Gina. You're ok."

She was shaking so hard. Emma had to swallow the hot red anger she felt for that bastard.

"He'd hit me until I was bruised and bleeding," she cried shakily. "Graham was there when he did it for the first time. It was after I had ran away to Atlantic City."

Emma held her tighter as if she were trying to protect her from just the memory alone. She wanted to kill both men. Graham got off too easy in her opinion. He watched Leopold brutalize her and basically turned his back and did nothing to help. He should get more than 8 years and a slap on the wrist.

"How recent was the last one?" she asked, slowly pulling away and looking into tear stricken eyes. "Was I in Storybrooke at the time?"

Regina's eyes widened and Emma saw the quick flash of fear and dread in her eyes. A fresh wave of tears welled up in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

"Oh, Emma…" she cried, her chest heaving. She buried her face into her chest and Emma held her as she cried. "It was my fault," she whispered. "I shouldn't have done it."

"What are you talking about?" she asked. "Done what?"

"The warrants for your arrest," she explained. "He found out and was livid. He hit me with his belt."

Cold dread filled Emma's belly as she realized Regina was punished for her sake. Leopold punished her for having her arrested back when they were feuding over Henry. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"Emma?"

She remembered the morning when Leopold had her come into his office to talk about the warrants. The way his cold eyes glinted as he described Regina's behavior as a power trip tantrum. She shivered at the memory. Was that around the time he had brutally beat her with his belt?

"You got hurt because of me?" she asked shakily and Regina shrunk back.

"No! Emma…" Regina looked at her, shocked that she had even suggested that. "I'm the one that sent out those warrants."

"Because I had goaded you," she realized, her hand going to her forehead. She stepped back from the trembling woman. "I'm so sorry," she whispered shamefully, her green eyes welling up with tears. Regina was up in a flash, taking the slightly taller woman into her arms and pressing kisses on her cheeks and lips.

"No, darling please don't blame yourself," she whispered. "Please, don't."

"If I had known then, I wouldn't have been so angry at you. I would have stopped him sooner."

"There's nothing you could have done," she stated firmly. "We can't change the past."

"No, but we have to live with it," Emma grumbled, self loathing evident in her voice. She was trying to remember if she had seen Regina in any kind of pain at the time. She hadn't realized their feud would have had violent repercussions for Regina.

"Hey, look at me Swan." Her voice was stern. Green eyes finally met her gaze.

"I was so angry, so lost. I wouldn't have let you help me. I saw you as a threat that was going to take the only piece of happiness in my life, Henry. I hated you for that. Nothing you could have done back then would have helped me. I needed time to learn to trust you. Everything happened the way it was supposed to."

"The thought of him lashing your back because of me…"

"I sent the warrants out."

"But…"

"No," Regina cut her off, a hand caressing her cheek and holding her gaze. "No, Emma."

Emma sighed in defeat, knowing there was no changing the woman's mind.

"Agree to disagree?"

Regina gave her a complete I'm done with you look and Emma gave her a goofy smile and kissed her lips.

"How are you feeling right now?" Emma asked when they had pulled away.

"Tired," she sighed. She didn't admit that going from making love and being happy to getting anxious and going through a panic attack exhausted her. Not to mention the emotionally draining session she had with Archie this morning. It kind of pushed a dark cloud over her head and her mind felt numb.

"How about a nap before the kid comes home?"

"That actually sounds great," Regina gave her a small smile. She actually just felt like getting under the covers and sleeping for the rest of the day. Emma looked at her as if she knew there was more to it than just being tired but she didn't push her.

* * *

Once Regina had disappeared up the stairs, Emma started getting dinner ready. She didn't know how to make too many dishes, just the basics. So she whipped up some pasta and salad. She knew Henry was going to be starving and she wanted Regina to eat a good meal since she had skipped lunch. She was worried. Regina had claimed she was just tired but she knew there was more to it. She could see it in her eyes and in her face. Hopefully, she'll feel better once she woke up and got some food in her. She was so lost in her thoughts she barely even heard Henry coming in.

"Moms?" he called and she jumped from where she stood in front of the stove.

"In the kitchen," she called out. She heard him dumping his backpack and the sound of his steps coming closer.

"Hi, ma, where's mom?" he asked looking around.

"She's asleep upstairs. She's a bit tired after her session with Archie," she explained, not telling him about the panic attack she had earlier as well. "Did you have fun at the arcade?" she asked as he sat at the island. She put the sauce on simmer and took a seat across from him.

"Yea, until I ran out of quarters," he groaned.

"Oh kid, don't tell me you spent the whole 20 dollars your mom gave you. You know that was supposed to last the month right?"

"I know," he pouted. "I was just having so much fun."

"Well, now you'll have to wait till your next allowance, but tell you what. Do a few extra chores and you'll be able to earn some extra arcade money early."

"Like what?" he asked skeptically.

"We'll think of something."

Henry nodded and then looked thoughtfully in the direction of his mother's bedroom.

"Are you sure she's ok? She normally doesn't take naps."

"She's just had a rough day, but dinner is almost ready. Why don't you go wake her."

"Alright," he replied, getting up and rushing up for the stairs. He missed her and was looking forward to seeing her and telling her about his day. He got to her room, noticing the light was off and with a soft knock he pushed open the door. She was fast asleep under the covers. He went over to the bed.

"Mom," he whispered, placing his hand on her shoulder. She stirred at the contact and sleepily opened her eyes.

"Hello, my little prince," she whispered with a small smile.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Just a bit tired," she whispered. "What time is it?"

"Around 5. Dinner is ready."

"Emma cooked?" she asked in surprise, getting up and stretching. She still felt so exhausted. She wasn't even hungry. She just wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the evening.

"Spaghetti and salad," he said.

"That sounds good. Why don't you go and set the table. I'll be right down."

He rushed back down and Regina fell back against the pillows. She didn't have the energy. Her dreams had been filled with random memories in time and she felt like she hadn't slept at all. Maybe five more minutes and she'll head downstairs.

5 minutes turned to 20 and Emma was suddenly sitting at her side, waking her with a hand on her cheek.

"Are you feeling ok, love?" she asked when brown eyes sleepily met green.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall back to sleep."

"You're exhausted from today, aren't you?"

"It was an eventful day," she admitted, clearly not wanting to talk about her earlier panic attack or the sudden feeling of melancholy that was hanging over her.

Emma frowned at that. Something had changed after their talk in the kitchen. She went from high to low after her panic attack. She could sense the gloominess of her mood radiating off of her. With a heavy heart, she realized Regina might have fallen into another bout of depression just as she had after her fight at the loft with Mary Margaret. She has been getting better considering all that had been going on with Cora, but now she seemed to have fallen further into it.

"Do you want to come and eat and then we could snuggle on the couch after with a movie?" she asked, hoping to get her out of the bed. To her relief, Regina nodded and slowly sat up. She softly kissed her lips, her hand caressing her cheek. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked, trying to get her to open up.

"I'm fine darling," Regina whispered, really not in the mood to talk about her feelings. Emma decided not to push her, but wanted her to know she was here to listen when she was ready.

"Ok, but I'm here if you want to talk," she reminded her. "We could have wine and vent if that's what you need to do."

"I said I'm fine," she snapped, annoyance flashing in her eyes for a split second before softening with remorse. "Sorry." She looked away. She could feel Emma's eyes on her. She couldn't explain the sudden frustration that came over her.

Emma was shocked for a moment before recovering. Archies words, _don't coddle her_ , coming to the forefront of her mind.

"Thank you for apologizing, but clearly something is bothering you. We don't have to talk about it, but please don't let it eat away at you."

She reached out to touch her shoulder, but Regina flinched away. Emma's heart broke. "We'll be downstairs when you're ready."

When she was gone, Regina threw herself back into the bed with a frustrated sigh. Her mind felt numb. She felt tired and frustrated. She felt all over the place. How can she even begin to explain that to Emma.

* * *

Minutes later she was coming down and taking her seat at the table. Henry didn't suspect anything was wrong, but Emma could see she wasn't 100% emotionally present. She answered Henry in half hearted answers and pushed her food around her plate, barely taking any bites.

Once Henry was settled in the living room with a movie after dinner, Emma joined Regina out on the porch with two glasses of red wine in hand. She stepped out to see her curled up on the porch swing under a blanket. She was simply staring out, her hands fidgeting with the hem of the blanket.

"Can I sit?" Emma asked. Regina looked up at her and nodded. She handed her a glass and took a seat. It was cold out here. Emma shivered and took a sip of her wine hoping it'll warm her up a bit.

Regina saw her trembling and scooted closer. She opened her blanket and invited Emma to cuddle under it with her. Emma's heart warmed at the gesture. They spent a good few moments cuddling and sipping their wine in silence. Emma wanted her to open up on her own.

"I apologize for being cross this afternoon," Regina finally spoke.

"What's bothering you?" Emma asked softly, her green eyes full of concern. Her moods were all over the place today. Up and down, if she could describe it.

"I… I can't explain it," she said, her voice sincere. She really couldn't explain her quick mood changes. This early afternoon, she was happy. She was enjoying her time with Emma and then after her panic attack she felt herself spirling into a deep hole of depression. She found it hard to function. This wasn't the first time. Some days were better than some and Emma seemed to notice as well.

"Was it your panic attack?" she asked.

"Perhaps," Regina admitted softly. "Remembering one of his more brutal punishments seemed to have brought up certain emotions… The helplessness…" she whispered, finally realizing why she had fallen into a state of sadness. While her husband forced her on her knees and lashed her until she was raw, she could remember the feeling of being helpless. The feeling of losing hope when she had looked up at Graham after he brought her back from Atlantic City and watched him turn away because he couldn't watch.

She hadn't realized tears were streaming down her cheeks until Emma was wiping them away and then kissing her cheek. She let out a sob and Emma was suddenly taking their glasses and setting them on the ground. She quickly took Regina in her arms, holding her close under their blanket.

"You're ok," Emma whispered in her ear as she tried to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. "You're safe now. You're home."

"You're Emma," she whispered, desperately trying to ground herself. "I'm home, and I'm safe."

"Yes, baby that's it," her girlfriend whispered, kissing her lips and holding her close.


	11. Chapter 10 The Evil Queen and her White Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience and awesome reviews! Keep reading! I hope you are all healthy and safe!

The first thing Emma became aware of was the warm body cuddled into her side. Regina was asleep with her head on her shoulder. The shorter woman was holding her with their legs tangled together. Emma squeezed her affectionately, soaking in the warmth radiating from her. This was her favorite way of waking up, all curled up and cuddling with the beautiful brunette. She looked over to the nightstand at the clock and realized with a sinking feeling in her gut their alarm was about to go off. She reached over to shut it off and then started peppering kisses all over Regina's sleeping face in an attempt to wake her for work.

With her eyes still closed, Regina stretched, detangling their legs and then curling back into her side. She groaned an inaudible response that had Emma chuckling.

"No idea what you just said babe," she replied with a chaste kiss on the lips.

She didn't answer, she just buried her face deeper into her shoulder.

"Come on, love it's time to get up."

Regina didn't answer. Instead she slid her arms around her and hugged her, holding her in place.

"Well, that's quite the opposite of what we have to do."

"Can we just sleep the whole day?" Regina mumbled against her chest. Emma kissed her through her hair.

"As much as I want to. We have to go to work and get Henry up for school."

Regina didn't answer and Emma had the feeling she had fallen back to sleep. She frowned at that. Regina was always up and getting ready. She was more of a morning person. She never had trouble getting up for work. Maybe she was just exhausted from yesterday. They had been out talking on the porch late last night even after Henry had gone to bed.

She decided to give her five more minutes. She felt her breaths even out and she realized she had indeed fallen back to sleep. She rubbed her back in an attempt to start waking her. Once the five minutes were up, she gently started moving out from under the koala hold Regina had on her. Regina groaned grumpily as she slid over to her side so that Emma could sit up.

"I know love, but we're going to be late."

Regina sat up in a huff and grumpily got up and went into the adjoining bathroom without a word. Emma was left stunned as the bathroom door was shut. She heard the click of the lock and frowned at that. That meant she did not want Emma going inside as she showered which was completely fine. She could have just told her.

This really wasn't normal behavior, Emma knew that. She didn't want to accept that though and chalked it up to just being tired from last night. She decided to make the coffee strong today.

Having showered last night, she quickly got dressed and then went to go get Henry up. He was difficult to get up, but that was definitely normal for him. As she left him to get dressed she headed down to get the coffee started as well as some breakfast for her and Henry. Regina usually didn't eat in the mornings. She usually just had coffee with the occasional apple.

Once the coffee was brewed and she had some omelets sizzling in the pan, she heard the sound of Regina's heels coming down the stairs. She didn't come into the kitchen. She could hear her moving around in the study, probably gathering her work stuff. She hoped the shower woke her up a bit. Paired with the stronger than usual coffee, Emma hoped her grumpy mood would get better.

It wasn't until she was turning off the pilot and plating the omelets, did Regina finally walk in looking as professional as always.

"Coffee is ready. I made it strong," Emma informed her as she set the plates on the table.

"Thank you," Regina mumbled without making eye contact. Her mood was off and Emma grew increasingly concerned at that. She watched her pour coffee into her work thermos. Her movements seemed sluggish as if she simply didn't have the energy. She then grabbed a mug and poured some in with milk and sugar just the way Emma liked it and brought it over to the table. She set it down by Emma's plate and kissed her cheek.

"Have a great day darling."

"Thanks babe. See you at lunch."

She nodded, still not making eye contact. She grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl placed on the center of the isandtop, grabbed her belongings and left the kitchen. Emma could hear her saying goodbye to Henry at the staircase as he was coming down. Once she heard the front door close, Henry came into the kitchen.

"Yum, omelets!" He excitedly sat at the table. Emma got up and poured him some orange juice. She placed it by his plate and sat down. She wondered if he suspected anything different about his adoptive mother's behavior this morning. She hoped he didn't. She didn't want him to worry.

"I was worried you wouldn't come down in time. I was about to eat them both."

"Ma!" he groaned. "Mom wouldn't have let you."

"You came down so late, she almost left without saying goodbye."

"You're just saying that because you want my food," he laughed in between bites.

* * *

Regina rushed into class, coffee in hand and feeling less than ready for her lecture. She wasn't in the mindset to teach. She wasn't even in the mindset to be here. She just wanted to be home. For the first time in her life she just wanted to be in bed and not do anything. She felt so sluggish and out of touch. She knew Emma suspected something was off which was why she couldn't look her in the eye this morning or even say more than a few words to her in the kitchen.

She started setting up, desperately trying to mentally prepare herself as students started trickling in. She was fighting to keep a clear head. She was fighting the mental exhaustion that seemed to be present since yesterday after her panic attack in the shower. Once the projector was on and the students were seated and ready, Regina went right into lecture. The further she got into it, the easier it became to distract and wake up her mind.

As her second morning class was ending and it was getting closer to her lunch break, she started wrapping it up. As usual, Emma had slipped in towards the end and took her usual seat by the door with a takeout bag from their favorite sandwich and salad bar. She was watching her with that same fascinated look she had on her face every time she watched her lecture. It was nice to have someone acknowledge her expertise. Leopold always made her feel invalidated when it came to her lectures and knowledge in the field. He never let her move up in her career and yet criticized her for being a community college professor.

Once she had dismissed the class, Emma made her way through the students.

"Awesome lecture," she praised just as always with a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you dear," she said with a small smile. Now that class was done the mental exhaustion she was feeling was now hitting her at full force. She took a seat at her desk.

"Are you feeling ok?" Emma asked as she placed their bag on her desk. She took her usual seat across. By now all the students had left and they were alone.

"I'm just…" she sighed. "I don't know."

"Are you still feeling sad from yesterday?" Emma guessed.

Regina nodded, averting her gaze and reaching over to open the take out bag. Emma knew it. She knew by how off she had been this morning that she was continuing to spiral into depression. Her heart broke. She didn't know how else to help her more than she already was. She wished she could do more.

"I'm having trouble focusing today," she admitted, pushing her salad around with her fork. Emma paused in opening her sandwich. She wasn't making eye contact again.

"Look at me Gina," she encouraged her, trying to get her to meet her eyes. Regina didn't respond. She fixated on her salad, moving it around but not taking a bite. "Regina?"

The moment she saw that tear streaming down her cheek, Emma was up in a flash. That was why she wouldn't look at her. She was fighting back tears. She gathered her in her arms and kissed her cheek, trying to comfort her. "I'm here," she whispered.

"What is wrong with me," she cried, the tears now flowing down her cheeks. She was shaking.

Emma knelt down on her knees, reaching up and lifting her chin so she could look at her. "Nothing is wrong with you. You went through a trauma."

"I feel like I'm falling. For years I steeled myself… my mind and emotions to survive and now that I'm free, I feel like I'm falling apart."

"You're going to get through this," Emma's own voice shook. She held in her own tears. Regina needed her and she needed to keep it together. She'd probably go have a cry fest in the bug on her way back to the station. "And even if you fall, I won't ever let you go. You know that."

"I know," she whispered, her hands shaking and Emma took them into her hands to try and calm her anxiety.

"Let's try and eat," Emma encouraged her, getting up and placing a sweet kiss on her cheek. Even her food intake has been getting less and less. Her appetite has been dwindling. She ate enough but not enough to keep Emma from worrying.

They enjoyed their lunch. Regina ate half of her salad before pushing it away and getting started on grading the stack of homework that had been pending on the corner of her desk. Her eyes were red and dull. Her hands still slightly shook. Emma was worried about leaving her alone. Maybe she should sit in on her next class. She quickly vetoed that idea as Regina probably wouldn't like that. She quickly sent a text to Ruby, knowing the young waitress was in her next class.

_Hi Ruby, can you keep an eye on Regina today? We're having lunch in the classroom and she's not doing so good and I don't feel comfortable leaving her._

Ruby texted back right away. Emma glanced at Regina to see she was still focused on her work. She's been really quiet since she broke down in tears.

_Of course Emma! :)_

_Thank you so much!_

"I'd hate to leave you here," Emma slid her phone back into her pocket.

"I'll be fine," she said softly, taking a breath as if she were steeling herself.

"Call me if anything. I'll even come and pick you up if you don't feel like driving."

"I promise I will," Regina assured her.

Emma stood, coming around the desk to hug her. She pulled her up into her arms, guiding her to her feet and held her tightly. She buried her face into her neck, breathing her in and placing a sweet kiss there. She didn't want to leave her. She wanted to take her home and make her feel better.

"I love you," she whispered into her ear and pulled away to place another kiss on her lips. Regina smiled at the affection, her body leaning into it. Physical comfort always seemed to help just a bit.

"I love you too, darling. Thank you for being here," she said, suddenly looking shy.

Emma placed her hand on her cheek and placed a final kiss on her lips.

* * *

Ruby entered class just before anyone else did. She had seen Emma walking to her bug just as she was pulling into the parking lot. Emma didn't say much about what was going on with her professor, just that she wasn't feeling too good and not in the physically ill kind of way. She agreed to keep her eyes open and to call if anything. The first thing she noticed when walking in was that Regina was at her desk grading and looked kind of startled for a moment when she heard someone walking into the room. She relaxed when she saw it was Ruby.

"Good afternoon Ms. Lucas. How are you today?"

"Ready for that quiz," she stated as she dropped down at her usual desk in the front row. This was the start of her second semester in Regina's class. She really enjoyed the subject and Regina was one of the best teachers even if she was a hard grader.

"Great, although I fear many of your classmates might not be."

"I did get plenty of panicked texts last night," she laughed, not missing the dark circles under her professor's eyes. She looked tired. What she didn't know was that Regina had freshened up and removed any traces of her tears before Ruby came in.

Regina once again became immersed in her work, greeting each student as they started to trickle in. Once class started she had everyone clear their desks and started passing out the quiz.

They were well within 10 minutes when a young man rushed in. Albert Spencer's nephew James rushed in late as always. It was no secret he was getting by with a D in the class and not happy about it. Especially his uncle who was his guardian before he came of age. Regina frowned, her eyes flashing furiously. She had warned him plenty of times about showing up on time on quiz and exam days.

"Come back in ten minutes." Normally she would have asked him to step outside and talk to him in the hall but the thought of being alone with him was terrifying.

"What?" He asked, shocked. "But the quiz?"

"You're late as I have warned you before. Leave and come back in ten minutes when the quiz is done."

"Fucking bitch," he muttered under his breath although the whole class heard and became silent from the shock. They all looked at her. She was furious and her fear was forgotten as she followed him outside.

The door shut. At this point she could give two shits if the students cheated. Her anger at this kid was through the roof. He's been giving her problems since the start of the semester. He acted like he was still a teen in high school. Not to mention his uncle had been friends with Leopold. That was beside the point. She didn't let her hatred of the man affect the way she treated James as a student, but the young adult really tested her patience. Not even Henry acted like this and he's the kid.

"I gave you way too many chances and warnings. You either come extremely late or don't even show up to class. You know the rules for showing up on time during a test and as for your disrespectful language, you will not come back into my classroom until we have a meeting with the dean of education. Do I make myself clear?" She didn't yell. Her voice was dangerously low, her dark eyes blazed furiously. He actually took a step back.

"It's no wonder they call you the Evil Queen. Wait until my uncle hears about this," he growled out and then was stomping away like an insolent child.

The moment he was gone, Regina took a deep breath to calm herself. The anger she had felt turned to anxiety. Her hands shook and she felt like she was on the edge of an oncoming panic attack. She couldn't have that right now. She leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. She tried to ground herself just like Archie had taught her. She forced her mind to think of calming thoughts. She pictured Henry smiling, laughing in different moments of time in her memory. She thought of Emma. Her green eyes and golden hair and the way she made her feel so loved and safe.

Slowly, her hands stopped shaking and the weight on her chest was lifted. She opened her eyes, took one last deep breath and stepped back inside the classroom.

The students finished their quiz and she continued class like nothing happened. The atmosphere was tense and as soon as class was over she was able to breathe a sigh of relief. James Spencer had really rattled her and she tried not to let it get to her.

Ruby hanged back as everyone started leaving. She went up to her professor where she was seated at her desk.

"Don't let him get to you. He's a dick. He bullied me all through grade school."

"Language, Miss Lucas," Regina raised her eyebrow at her student. "Although I'd have to agree with you."

"He shouldn't have called you that, especially in front of everyone. He's just used to getting his way."

"Like his uncle it seems." Regina's heart sunk as she was reminded she might have to deal with him later. Her hands started shaking and she hid them in her lap so that Ruby wouldn't see. She hated the man. He was just as disrespectful and cruel as Leopold. It was no wonder where James had learned his bad behavior.

"Are you ok?" Ruby asked quietly, not at all missing her trembling hands underneath the desk or the way her eyes had nervously flickered to the door and back.

"Yes I am," she nodded, steeling herself and trying to hide her anxiety beneath the surface. She started gathering her things. "I better get going. I need to go talk to the dean."

"Right," Ruby nodded.

* * *

By the time Regina got home she was exhausted. The meeting with the dean went longer than she expected. In the end they had decided to arrange a mandatory meeting with James if he wanted to continue in her class. She made it through the threshold, her shoulders tensed from the day. She could hear Henry and Emma laughing in the living room.

"Regina, is that you?" Emma called as she closed the door and hung up her coat and scarf.

"Yes darling," she answered as she came into the living room with her briefcase still in hand. She still had lesson plans and maybe some grading after if she had time.

"Hi mom! Can we order pizza?" Henry asked, looking up at her from his spot on the floor, controller in hand. He and Emma were playing mario kart again. Emma, who was on the floor as well, stood and sat by Regina who tiredly plopped down on the couch.

"Long day?" Emma asked as Regina snuggled into her side.

"Very," she mumbled into her chest and sat up a bit to kiss her. Henry groaned in playful disgust and then remembered his earlier question.

"So can we? Ma said it was up to you."

"Henry, it's a week day."

"I know but can we, please? I finished my homework and reading and I'll go to bed on time, I promise."

Regina looked at Emma who shrugged. "I'm ok with it if you are."

"Alright but order one pizza and pasta for me on the side."

"Yes!" Henry cheered.

As Emma called Bella Notte Italian Restaurant, Regina got up and moved to the study. She lit the fire and sat on the floor in front of it, with her work spread out and a glass of cider. She tried to get her mind off what happened today with James and the possibility of hearing from his uncle. Spencer raised James like a son and held him on a pedestal. There was no doubt in her mind that he would take James' side over hers.

She started preparing her lesson plans, getting lost in her work and not realizing how much time had gone by until Emma was knocking on the door.

"It's open!" She called out.

Emma came in with two plates of pizza and pasta.

"Foods here," she said, coming over and sitting beside her. "Mind if I join you?"

"Of course not darling," she smiled, moving over a bit so Emma can sit beside her. She gratefully took the pasta and took a couple bites before setting it down.

"Where's Henry?"

"Enjoying his last hour in front of the tv before it's off to bed," Emma smirked. "That kid knows how to play us."

"I wasn't planning on cooking tonight anyway," Regina said with a sip of her cider.

"Same here," Emma laughed and then looked at all the paperwork and textbooks opened in front of them.

"This looks like a long night." She sounded disappointed. Regina didn't blame her. Sometimes she'll spend long hours into the night to finish the final touches or changes to her lectures. She put a lot of work into her lessons. She wasn't those professors that gave an easy A or taught simply word by word from a PowerPoint. Emma often told her even though she worked in a community college, she taught like an Ivy League professor.

"Indeed, it does."

"You're quiet this evening," Emma observed.

Regina sighed, taking another sip of her cider and then looking at Emma.

"I'm just…" She trailed off, suddenly realizing she had forgotten to text Emma that she'll be home late because of her meeting. She suddenly looked guilty.

"I'm sorry I came home so late and didn't tell you," she said, looking away. If Emma was angry, she didn't want to see it.

"That's ok, I figured you had a lot of stuff to do. It is the beginning of a new semester after all, right?"

Regina looked at her suddenly, confusion flickering across her face.

"You're not mad? Or going to ask me why I was so late?" she asked in genuine shock, memories of Leopold punishing her if she was so much as a few minutes late coming home flashed in her mind.

"Of course not! I mean I did worry when you didn't text but then I ran into Ruby at Grannies while Henry and I were getting hot chocolate. She said you had a meeting and I figured you were too busy."

"You're really not angry at me?" she asked, obviously still shocked.

Emma took her hand and placed a sweet kiss on her knuckles and then hugged it to her chest.

"You're your own person. So what if you're late or was too busy to send a text. I would never be mad at you for that."

Regina looked away as if she were ashamed.

"I just thought…" she mumbled, trailing off and not being able to finish her sentence.

"Whatever that psycho bastard did to you when you were late coming home, he was wrong!" Emma's voice was stern. "I would never make you feel afraid to come home late."

"I know…" she whispered. "Sometimes old feelings resurface, even if I know you'd never hurt me."

She wasn't looking at her. She was looking at her lesson planner. Emma frowned at that. Maybe she was embarrassed about admitting her fears just now. They simply sat in silence as Regina worked. Emma munched on her pizza and helped herself to a glass of cider as well. Regina continued to take a few bites of her pasta here and there. Emma was relieved to see her eat the whole thing this time along with a stolen bite from her pizza.

"What was your meeting about anyway?" Emma asked, curiously.

Regina took a sip of her drink first.

"You know James Spencer?"

"Spencer? Does he have anything to do Albert Spencer?"

"James is his nephew and was his legal guardian. He's in my class. He's been hard to deal with since the semester started."

"No way! Really?" Emma looked at her with wide surprised green eyes. "Is he anything like his uncle?"

"He's just as entitled."

"So I take it you had a meeting about him?" she guessed.

"Well, he's been either coming in late or not showing up. He talks back and is rude and disrespectful not to mention disruptive to my lectures. He sleeps in class and doesn't participate. Today he came in late in the middle of a quiz. I had already given him plenty of warnings and chances. He knows the rules about coming in late on exam days. I told him to leave for the remainder of the quiz. He got angry and called me a fucking bitch in front of the class."

"That little twerp!" Emma snapped, her green eyes flashing angrily. "I'll kill him!"

"Relax, dear," Regina whispered with a kiss on her cheek. Emma instantly calmed down at the loving gesture. "Let me continue."

"Sorry," she grumbled, clearly still upset. The fact that this entitled piece of shit was so disrespectful to Regina made her blood boil. The apple didn't fall from the tree considering who raised him. She hated that Regina had to deal with this, especially since she wasn't emotionally doing so great during their lunch break. She was strong though, she reminded herself.

"So we stepped outside where I informed him he is not allowed back until we sit down with the dean. He got even more angrier, called me an evil queen and stomped away like a petulant child. After class ended, I had to talk to the dean and fill out a report which was why I took so long."

"And why does this make you nervous?" Emma asked, not missing the anxiety in those dark expressive eyes.

"It's not James that makes me nervous," she admitted shakily. "It's the possibility of having to face Spencer again. As you know from the trial, he and Leopold were friends. He often undermined my expertise just like Leopold did whenever I worked in the office with them. On the rare occasion, Leopold would strike me in the face in front of him and he'd watch, his eyes gleaming as if I deserved it. He knows of the abuse and supported it."

Emma was left sitting there shocked at what she just heard. The son of a bitch didn't deserve to be walking free. He was a corrupt lawyer who had no business being in practice and deserved a spot in a cell right beside his best friend.

"He's not going to hurt you. You're stronger than him. I'll put a restraining order on him, just say the word."

"I'm hoping it doesn't come to that," she sighed and then looked at her watch. "It's time for Henry to go to bed."

"I can tuck him in while you finish," Emma offered, downing the rest of her cider and then getting up and picking up their dishes.

"Thank you dear," she said, looking up at her and receiving a kiss.

* * *

"What will it be today kid?" Emma asked, flipping through the pages. She was cuddled up beside Henry in his twin bed and blue striped covers.

"Snow White," he murmured. Emma looked at him curiously. He was all smiles and giggles all afternoon and evening. Now he was a little sullen.

"What's wrong kid?" she asked.

"I know mom is not feeling well today," he stated. "She was weird this morning." He was a smart kid and Emma would never stop being amazed at how intuitive he was especially with Regina.

"It was a bad day today for her," she told him honestly.

"I can tell," he grumbled. "She always tries to hide when she's feeling sad, but I can always tell even when we lived with _him_."

"She'll be ok," Emma whispered, not wanting him to worry.

"Emma, I didn't believe she loved me back then, but now I know she does. And I love you too."

Emma's heart swelled at those words. She felt all warm and giddy inside and couldn't help but give her son a big bright smile. "I love you too kid. We both do."

After reading two stories, Henry was fast asleep. Emma got up and kissed his cheek, affectionately swiping his hair from his face in that motherly way she so often saw Regina do. She's never had a mother and she missed the first ten years of Henry's life. At first she felt more of a big sister to him then as a mother, but as time passed she found herself tapping into that mother's intuition she didn't think she possessed. She was also picking up certain motherly mannerisms from Regina without realizing it. Once she was content that he was fast asleep, she quietly turned off the lamp and walked out of the room, leaving the door open just a crack.

She made it back down to the study to see Regina still hard at work. She had two fresh glasses of cider beside her and Emma sat down, kissing her cheek and taking a grateful sip of her glass.

"Did he go to sleep ok?" she asked.

"Out like a light after two fairytales."

Regina chuckled affectionately. "I hope he never grows out of his love for fairytales, magic, and adventure. You know, he told me even if he doesn't think I'm the Evil Queen anymore, I'd still be her but a redeemed version because she's strong and powerful and loves fiercely. He said I reminded him of her."

"Wow, he said that?" Emma asked, impressed.

"He's a very smart and creative boy. I've seen it in him since he was very young."

"And who does he say I am."

"The Queen's Knight," she said with gleaming eyes.

"Hmm, the reformed Evil Queen and her White Knight… I think we have a future best selling author sleeping upstairs."

Regina hummed in agreement and continued to work silently. Emma just sat beside her and sipped at her cider, watching her as she worked on her lesson plans. She looked so beautiful even if she looked tired. Even if her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the hearth and possibly from the cider. Even with her make up practically smudged off by now. She had to fight the urge to lower her down to the floor and make sweet love to her.

She was so lost in her head she hadn't realized the time passing and Regina closing up her textbooks and planning portfolios. It wasn't until Regina was sliding into her lap was she ripped from her daydreams. Emma leaned into the sudden kiss, her arms wrapped around the brunette that was straddling her. When Regina pulled away, she leaned her forehead against her own.

"I'm sorry for being so off today," she whispered, their lips so close they could feel each other's breaths.

"What did I say about apologizing?" Emma asked. Regina leaned back and shrugged, her eyes suddenly looking down.

"Not to," she murmured.

Emma gently lifted her chin so she would look at her.

"I understand you're going to have bad days sometimes. I know you're not just going to be magically ok just because Leopold is in jail now. We're going to get through this."

"I wish this could be easier."

"I know, love," Emma whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She wished it could be easier as well, but Leopold had hurt her so bad it wasn't just something she can quickly move on from. Although, it didn't mean she couldn't. Emma knew someday she'd be able to breathe again.


	12. Chapter 11 Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Thank you for reading and commenting. 
> 
> Trigger Warning - Panic Attacks

The next day Regina found it just as hard to get her day started. She wanted nothing more than to just stay in bed and sleep. Sometimes she just wanted to let the depression swallow her up. If it wasn't for Emma and Henry, she probably would have. As she got ready and left for campus she could see Emma's growing concern. She knew she was acting off again. She knew she was being sullen and moody this morning as well as yesterday. She just couldn't shake off the dark cloud that had fallen over her.

Her work day went as smooth as ever. James didn't show up. She wasn't expecting him to. She had a meeting scheduled with him in a few days. Currently, she had just finished her afternoon class and was now in her office hours before she was able to go home. Ruby had gone to get something to eat and was actually coming back for some tutoring. She was actually impressed by the young waitress. Ruby showed a great interest in politics and political science. She could see her actually getting a job in city hall one day instead of working at her granny's diner. She was also the only student to ever get an A in her class and keep it going into finals. She worked so hard and earned that A. She was proud of the young woman that had become a trusted family friend.

She was so lost in her thoughts as she graded the quizzes, that she nearly jumped out of her seat at his voice. Albert Spencer walked through the door, his eyes fixated on her.

"We need to talk." His voice was authoritative and she shuddered at the likeness he shared with her ex husband.

She looked up at him, desperately trying not to show her fear. She clenched her shaking hands under her desk as he approached her. She stood, looking every bit the tough Professor Mills that everyone was intimidated by.

"I imagine we do," she said. "But your nephew is old enough to take responsibility for his own actions." He came into her personal space and as uncomfortable as she felt, she didn't back down. She faced him head on.

"What about taking responsibility for your own actions instead of throwing him under the bus. He says you've been singling him out just because he's my nephew."

"Your brain must be crushed by your enormously huge ego if you think for a second this is about you. Your nephew is entitled to think he can get away with acting like a child to get what he wants. He doesn't show up and when he does, he's never on time. He is disrespectful and

disruptive to me and the rest of the class. This isn't about singling him out. It's about him wasting my time."

His face turned red and she gasped as he suddenly stepped forward so her back was pressed up against the desk. He was trying to intimidate her. He had seen her submissive under Leopold's hand and he was trying to force her to submit to his will. "Call off the meeting and allow him to come back."

"Absolutely not," she growled, eyes blazing. "Now step back!"

He smirked at those words, feeding off of the sudden fear in her eyes. She was trembling, quickly losing her tough facade the longer he was in her personal space. He suddenly grabbed her arm, knowing exactly what will push her over the edge. She let out a fearful gasp and tried pulling away from him. He tightened his grip until he could see the pain in her eyes.

"You don't intimidate me." His voice was dangerously low. It reminded her too much of Leopold and she could no longer hide her fear. The grip on her arm was tight and painful which worsened each time she tried to pull away. "So we'll go ahead and have this little meeting. Go ahead and have your little "power trip tantrum" as Leopold used to call it. You may have everyone fooled, but I know you deserved everything he gave to you. Once James is back in your class and passing with an A, I'll have your job too."

"Hey! Let her go!" Ruby was suddenly running over and forcefully pulling him away. He let go of her arm and straightened his suit.

"See you at the meeting," he smirked at her as she trembled against the desk. Ruby slipped in front of her, challenging him to try anything else.

"Leave or I'm calling security," she threatened. He just ignored her and looked over at Regina.

"Oh and uh, I'll give your best to Leopold the next time I talk to him," he chuckled cruelly before leaving the room. The moment he was gone, Regina nearly collapsed if it wasn't for Ruby pushing her back into her chair. She was shaking and couldn't catch her breath.

"Dr. Mills?" Ruby's voice sounded so far and her vision was suddenly blurred. She couldn't ground herself. She couldn't move. She hadn't even realized tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I think you're having a panic attack. I need you to breathe!"

Ruby tried reaching out to comfort her, but Regina flinched back as if she thought she was going to hurt her. "OK, I'm sorry," the younger woman said softly, her own eyes shining with unshed tears. "I need you to breathe, please!"

"I can't…" Regina gasped, her lungs burning. Her heart was racing so fast in her chest.

Ruby didn't know what else to do so she called Emma. She was trying not to panic herself as the sheriff answered.

"Hey, Ruby is everything ok?" Emma's voice sounded through the phone.

"Emma!" she cried. "Get to campus right away! Spencer confronted Regina and had a grip on her arm. She's having a panic attack. She can't breathe. I don't know how to calm her down."

"That son of a bitch!" Emma shouted. She could hear the sound of a car door being slammed and the engine turning on. "Put the phone on speaker." Ruby pushed the speaker button and held it out to her professor.

"Regina! Can you hear me?"

"Emma?" she gasped.

"Yes, baby it's me. Listen to me, you're safe. He's not going to hurt you. I'm on my way, but I need you to breathe."

"I can't…" she gasped.

"Yes, you can," Emma encouraged. "Let's answer the questions."

"Who are you with?"

"Ruby…"

"That's right?"

"Do you trust her? Does she make you feel safe?"

"Yes…"

"How do I make you feel?"

"Safe…"

"That's right, you're safe," Emma's voice shook. "Keep telling yourself that. I'm almost there."

"You're ok," Ruby whispered, wanting to comfort her somehow but she could see any kind of touch wasn't wanted right now. "Deep breaths."

"Ruby, I'm pulling into the parking lot. I'm hanging up."

"Hurry Emma, her color isn't looking so good." The phone hung up and Ruby could only comfort the trembling woman. Her breaths were quick and she was looking ashened. "Breathe," she whispered, slowly taking her hand and was relieved when she didn't flinch away this time. She placed her hand on her chest. "Follow my breathing."

Regina took slow breaths, trying to follow Ruby's rhythm. It was nearly impossible when it felt like she had a heavy weight on her chest. "Where is he?" she trembled, her eyes looking around in fear, the feeling of him coming back intensifying.

"He's gone," Ruby assured her. "He's not coming back. You're safe, remember?"

She didn't look convinced and her breathing was speeding up again. Thankfully at that moment Emma was rushing in. She was by her side in a second and kneeling in front of her. She took the hand that Ruby was holding, pressing a kiss to it and holding it against her chest.

"I'm here, love," she said softly. "Slow your breathing."

"She was just starting to panic again about Spencer coming back," Ruby informed her worriedly. "Should I call an ambulance?"

"I want to try and calm her first. Can you bring her some water?"

"On it," she said and was rushing out of the room. Once they were alone Emma looked up into those fearful brown eyes.

"You're doing great, that's it, slow breaths," she encouraged her. "You're safe. I'm here. He's not coming back."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, sobs suddenly racking her trembling body. Her breaths were getting no better at this point and Emma thought they might have to get her to ER after all and on some oxygen. She had a feeling calling an ambulance might make her panic even more.

"No, no. Don't apologize," Emma said softly, reaching up to caress her cheek. Regina leaned into the touch. "It's not your fault. Focus on your breathing, babe."

Ruby rushed back in with a water bottle from the vending machine. "How is she doing?" she asked, handing it to Emma. She opened it and encouraged Regina to take a drink.

"I think I'm going to take her in. She can't regulate her breaths on her own."

"Can I help?"

"Of course," Emma said, relieved that she had someone to help her. She then turned her attention back to the shaking brunette in front of her. "Regina, we're going to get you to the hospital. Can you stand?"

"I don't know…" she gasped. "I feel like... I'm numb... and I feel cold."

"Ok, we'll help you," she assured her, getting up and standing at her side. Ruby came over to her other side. "Come on, let's get you up." They pulled her to her feet and the moment she was standing, she started to pass out. She swayed, her color deathly pale and Emma wasted no time in picking her up. Emma felt her body go limp in her arms.

"Did she pass out?" Ruby asked, her voice panicked.

"Shit!" Emma cursed. "She did! Grab the keys from my pocket. The cruiser is parked in the student parking lot. You'll see it right away. Open the back door, I'll be right behind you."

Ruby quickly did as she was told. She grabbed the keys from Emma's pocket with shaking hands and rushed out. Emma was a few feet behind and soon enough they were in the police cruiser and rushing to the hospital. Emma had the sirens on and was able to get through the traffic quickly. Ruby had called ahead to inform the ER they were coming so by the time Emma pulled into the ambulance bay, there was a doctor and several nurses waiting with a stretcher. Emma was quick to stop the car. She rushed out to help them get Regina out onto the stretcher.

"We tried waking her on the way. She's breathing, but it's shallow," Emma explained as the nurses and doctor assessed the unconscious woman. That traded medical words back and forth and was quickly rushing her inside. An oxygen mask was placed on her face.

"Emma, go with her. I'll park the car," Ruby offered, getting into the driver's seat. Emma thanked her and followed her girlfriend through the doors.

* * *

Emma stayed with her until she couldn't. She paced in the waiting room, her own hands trembling as she worried whether Regina was going to be ok or not. Ruby had joined her soon after and was sitting on one of the chairs and nervously biting her lip. For the first time, Emma felt helpless. She wasn't able to pull Regina out of an attack like she always had in the past. She couldn't get those fearful eyes out of her head or the way those rapid breaths increased instead of regulating. She couldn't shake the feeling of Regina's body going limp in her arms.

Anger raged through her as she was suddenly reminded of Spencer. That fucking asshole! The moment she knew Regina was ok she was writing a report and getting a restraining order in place. She also planned to talk to the dean in not allowing Spencer to be present for their meeting with James.

After what seemed like forever, the doctor finally came out. To her relief it was Dr. Roe, the same doctor that had treated her in the past.

"Sheriff Swan, Regina is awake and asking for you," she said softly, her eyes full of compassion for the worried blonde.

"How is she?"

"She's ok. Just exhausted."

"Can I see her?" Emma let out a sigh of relief.

"Of course, although I would have to call and speak to Dr. Hopper. This isn't her first panic attack, is it?"

"No, but usually I'm able to calm her down. This was the first time it escalated."

"I'm going to create a treatment plan with Dr. Hopper. Meanwhile, you can go and see her. I'll be in soon to speak with her and then she could go home."

"Thank you," she nodded sincerely and once the doctor left, Ruby stood.

"Do you mind if I pop in for a quick sec. I just want to see she's ok."

"Of course Ruby," Emma took her hand and couldn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. Her chin trembled and Ruby suddenly just pulled her in her arms.

"She's ok Emma," she whispered, trying to comfort her friend.

"I should have known he was going to pay her a visit. I should've been more cautious," she cried, unable to stop her sobs. "She was so damn scared she couldn't breathe!"

"But we got her here," Ruby assured her. "You heard Dr. Roe. She's going to be ok."

Emma suddenly needed to sit. She felt as if her legs were about to give out at any moment. She took a seat and buried her face in her hands with her elbows on her knees. Seeing Regina so anxious these past weeks worried her to no end. Suddenly she felt like all the stress was crashing down on her.

"Emma?"

She took a deep breath and sat up to look at the concerned young woman in front of her.

"I don't know if I'm doing this right. I don't know if I'm enough for her. She hasn't been doing good since the trial. She is depressed and anxious all the time and I don't know what more to do. I'm scared for her, Ruby."

Ruby sat beside her friend, her eyes brimming with tears. She hated seeing her so distraught.

"You're doing more for her than anyone else can," Ruby whispered. "You love her. You make her feel safe. That's enough for her."

"But what if it's not? What if she needs more than I can give."

"Then we'll see what treatment plan Dr. Hopper and Dr. Roe come up with. You're not in this alone Emma. You've got me too. If you need anything, say the word and I'll come running. Even if you just need me to watch Henry."

"Thank you Ruby," she whispered, her voice cracking as she let the young woman pull her into a comforting hug. She felt some of the tension ease away and suddenly all she wanted was to be with her girlfriend. So she dried her tears, took a breath and pulled herself together before she and Ruby headed over to the room Regina was in.

They found the brunette lying in a bed with wires and an IV attached to her. She had an oxygen mask on as well. Emma was relieved they didn't force her into a hospital gown. She was under a blanket with the clothes she came in with. She opened her eyes to see Emma and Ruby.

"Emma…" she whispered under the mask, sounding out of it and Emma realized they had probably given her some kind of sedative. Her eyes were glazed over and her movements were sluggish as she tried to take off the mask. Emma immediately came over to her side to stop her. She took her hand and squeezed it.

"No, leave it on. It's helping you breathe," she softly, brushing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You're ok…" Her voice cracked. She couldn't bear to see her like this. It reminded her of the time she was in the hospital with cracked ribs after she had escaped from Leopold.

Ruby watched them with teary eyes and slowly approached them. Regina noticed her and suddenly looked away as if she were embarrassed. She had never meant to put her student in a situation like this whether she was a family friend or not. The young woman seemed to have read her mind.

"Don't be embarrassed. I heard you tell that son of a … I heard you tell him off. You were so brave! He had no right to intimidate you the way he did or grab you." At the reminder of Spencer putting his hand on her, Regina pulled her arm away from Emma and tucked it into herself.

"Can I see?" Emma asked, worried that he might have hurt her. They had been so focused on her breathing they didn't even check the arm he had grabbed. Regina looked fearful for a moment and Emma was quick to assure her. "You're safe, love. I just want to see if he hurt you."

She seemed to hesitate, but then slowly extended her arm. Emma gently took her hand, squeezing her fingers in comfort before slowly pushing up the sleeve of her black blazer. She gasped at the bruises he had left. She could make out the marks from his fingers. It was a little swollen and red as well. She saw red and had to force herself to swallow her anger in order not to scare her. Regina didn't need her freaking out right now. There was time to go after Spencer once her girlfriend was home and safe.

Regina moved the mask with her other hand.

"The more I pulled the tighter his grip became," she mumbled shakily.

"He's not getting away with this," Emma assured her as she positioned her arm on the bed and pulled out her phone to take pictures for her report. "Ruby, I'll need your statement as well. We could do it tomorrow if you're not up for it today."

"No, I can do it today," Ruby responded determinedly. "I'd rather have him pay sooner than later."

"Thank you, for everything," she said, her voice a little shaky as well. The day was taking its toll on her and she had so much paperwork to do now.

"You're welcome," Ruby smiled. "Why don't I go pick up Henry, get him something to eat at the diner and then bring him home. We can write my statement then."

"You're the best!" she sighed in relief. She didn't want to pick up Henry and bring him back here to see his adoptive mother like this and she knew Regina wouldn't want that either.

"Let us know the moment he's with you," Regina whispered, her words slightly slurring.

"Will do," Ruby smiled, reaching out to squeeze Regina's shoulder and after a quick grateful hug from Emma, she left the room. Emma pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. She took Regina's hand and then reached out to caress her cheek.

"I'm sorry this happened," she said solemnly, her guilt lacing her words. "I'm sorry I couldn't calm you."

"It's not your fault," she murmured. Emma looked less than convinced but Regina was already drifting off. She closed her eyes. "Stay with me, please."

"Sleep," Emma whispered. "You're safe here. I won't leave your side."

* * *

Regina was out and Emma stayed by her side as promised. Ruby texted her that she had Henry and she thanked her once more. She also called David and explained the situation. Currently he was putting in the restraining order for Spencer and would be dropping off the report forms for her at the house later.

It had been a couple hours till a nurse had come in to check Regina's vitals and remove the IV. She took off the mask and turned off the oxygen machine. Her breathing was so much better now. The nurse informed her once Regina woke up, she was free to be discharged. Although, Dr. Roe wanted to talk to them in her office first. Emma thanked her and took the discharge forms.

Once they were filled out, she slowly started to rouse Regina awake. She didn't want to disturb her sleep, but she didn't want to leave Henry wondering about them for too long. She figured once they get this meeting over with she can get Regina into their own bed and let her sleep the rest of the day. She kissed her cheek and gently shook her.

"Gina?"

Regina slowly opened her eyes to see Emma. They weren't so glazed anymore. The sedative had worn off a bit. She stretched and looked so adorable Emma couldn't keep the goofy grin from breaking out on her lips.

"What are you grinning at?" she asked, sleepily.

"You're adorable," she chuckled, leaving a chaste kiss on the lips. Regina affectionately rolled her eyes and sat up.

"Is it time to go home?" she asked hopefully, feeling so much better. She no longer felt breathless or on the verge of passing out.

"First we have to see Dr. Roe and Dr. Hopper in her office to discuss a treatment plan," she informed her. Regina looked at her knowingly.

"Yes, I think I remember her mentioning that to me before they drugged me. Everything is a bit fuzzy."

"They just want to help you. They know this wasn't your first panic attack."

"But it's the first I couldn't come out of," she realized, looking down at her hands. "They're getting worse."

"Hey…" she reached out, tilting Regina's chin up so she'd look at her. "We'll get through this."

Regina nodded although she didn't look convinced. They left the room and walked hand in hand to the doctor's office. Regina was nervous, although she didn't show it. She put on a brave face even if she tightly held on to Emma. When they arrived, both Dr. Hopper and Dr. Roe were seated inside. After exchanging pleasantries, they all took a seat at the conference table. Regina and Emma sat beside each other with the two doctors across from them.

"How are you feeling now?" Dr. Roe asked Regina. "If you're exhausted we could reschedule."

"I'm well enough. I just want to get this over with."

"I understand," she nodded. "Dr. Hopper and I created a treatment plan that will help control your panic attacks. It won't be effective all the time. There will still be some that you can't avoid, but we want to at least help you recognize the signs of an oncoming attack or help you with techniques to pull yourself out of one."

"Have they been becoming more frequent since our last session?" Archie asked, softly.

"Yes, they have," she nodded, her hand still squeezing Emma's. "Most of the time I'm able to come out of it, but today…" She shook her head. "I just couldn't."

"And that's understandable considering how it was triggered," Dr. Roe said softly. "There are several things we can do to limit them. Routine, exercise, therapy, and medication."

"You want to put her on meds?" Emma asked, shocked.

"We believe it will help with the anxiety and depression," Archie said gently.

"What if I don't want to take them?"

"Ultimately it's your choice Regina, but it can help. It's an option."

"There's also one more thing," Dr. Roe said carefully. Not beating around the bush, but also gentle in her approach. "We'd like to do a psychological evaluation to assess the PTSD, emotional dissociation, anxiety and depression."

Regina looked taken aback and Emma squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"This isn't any kind of intervention. We're not here to make you feel like you've done something wrong. We just want to help you get better and not let things escalate. To do that, we need to do an evaluation to see where you're at." Archie explained.

Regina's hands started shaking and she pulled away from Emma and buried them in her lap. She cut off eye contact with the doctors. Her gaze was fixed on her hands as she tried to force herself to stop the nervous trembling.

"Regina?" Emma whispered. "Look at me, love."

She seemed to have hesitated at first, but then she slowly looked up at her. Her brown eyes were so lost. Emma swallowed the sob that threatened to come out. "They're not forcing you into anything. They're just giving you options."

Regina took a deep breath, trying to be brave. She tore her gaze from Emma and over to the doctor's watching her with concern.

"I don't want to be on meds. At least not yet," she informed them, her voice shaking. "But I will take the evaluation and concede with the rest of the plan."

"Excellent, and if you change your mind, we will work with you. You're in complete control here," Archie reassured her, knowing how important it was that she felt like she had a say in her recovery.

"Thank you," Regina nodded. "Do we have to do the evaluation now? I'm feeling exhausted."

"No, we will do it at our next appointment. Dr. Roe will join us for it, if that is ok with you."

Regina nodded her consent.

"For now, go home and rest," Dr. Roe instructed her.


	13. Chapter 12 The Right Choice

The ride home from the hospital was silent. Regina sat in the passenger seat of the police cruiser as Emma drove them home. She had one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Regina's thigh in an attempt for reassurance and comfort. Regina kept thinking about the meeting they had with Dr. Roe and Dr. Hopper. Should she really be on meds? Was she that damaged from Leopold? Was she that bad that they want to do an evaluation on her. She didn't see how any of this was fair. Why Leopold got to live his days without an ounce of guilt or remorse for what he had done to her and she was left with all the mental repercussions of surviving an abusive marriage. She placed her hand on top of Emma's and squeezed. Emma glanced at her in concern but then averted her eyes back to the road.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Can we pull over?" she asked, not wanting to distract the blonde from driving. She didn't want to talk about this at home with Henry around. Emma nodded and pulled over to the side of the road. She turned off the engine and looked at the anxious woman in the passenger seat.

"Did I make the right choice?" she asked, looking apprehensively into green eyes. Her hands started shaking and Emma right away took them into her own to calm her.

"Are you talking about not wanting to be on meds?" she asked and Regina nodded.

"Am I that emotionally damaged?" she asked in a small shaking voice and Emma felt her heart break in her chest.

"You're not damaged," Emma assured her. "You survived. You're trying to get your life back. Going on meds to help is just an option. You don't have to go on them."

"What if I get so bad and I lose sight of what matters. Of being happy with you and Henry. I need you to remind me of that. And I need you to make the call whether I should be on medication or not."

"Regina…" Emma started, not at all liking this. She didn't want to be the one to call the shots in her recovery.

"Emma, please…" she interrupted. "If I fall further into this depression and I'm unable to see reason or listen to what is best for me I need you to be in control of what happens to me. I trust you."

"It won't get to that point," Emma's voice trembled, her green eyes shining with unshed tears. She was terrified for the woman beside her. She was terrified of losing her. She can see her struggling each day to overcome the depression and anxiety she felt. She was so strong and it scared Emma to death to hear her talking about what ifs.

"I need you to decide what's best for me when I no longer can," she stated seriously. Emma took a breath and brought up the hand she was holding and pressed a sweet kiss to it. Of course she will honor Regina's wishes even if she refused to believe Regina could get worse.

* * *

When they got home, Henry right away had his arms around Regina. He was worried the moment Ruby picked him up from school and explained to him what had happened. He barely ate his dinner and could barely focus on his homework until the police cruiser pulled into the driveway and both his mothers were walking through the door.

"I'm ok, sweetheart," Regina whispered, kneeling to his level and hugging him tightly. She made eye contact with Emma and can see the concern reflecting in those green orbs. She pulled away to look at him and gently raised his chin so that he could meet her eyes.

"I was worried he had hurt you like…"

"He just shakened me up, that's all."

"Hey, kid. Your mom is due for some hot chocolate and snuggles. Why don't you two head into the living room and I'll make us some?" Emma asked. She wanted to get them settled before she and Ruby worked on her statement. They didn't want Henry overhearing or Regina having to relive the afternoons events.

Henry agreed and soon enough they were both on the couch with hot chocolate for Henry and tea for Regina. She had claimed she didn't need a sugar crash on top of everything. The fireplace was lit, giving the room a cozy and relaxing atmosphere, exactly what Emma was aiming for. Henry was drawing in the special drawing pad he used only for his stories while Regina insisted on finishing up some last minute work on her laptop considering how she wasn't able to complete anything after today's events. Emma would have preferred if she rested or slept but she didn't argue. In fact distracting her mind was the way she seemed to cope with stress.

Emma shut the door to the study and both she and Ruby got to work. The younger woman had explained the events of the day and what she had seen when walking in the classroom. She described Spencer's hand on Regina's arm and the close proximity he had to the terrified brunette. She described the words he spat at her. Emma saw red and felt the anger building up inside once more. She pushed it down because right now she needed to have a level head. When they were done she watched Ruby take a sip from her hot chocolate with trembling hands.

"Thank you Ruby for everything. You didn't have to stay."

"I know but I want him to pay as soon as possible and I want her to feel safe again. I've seen her when she was with _him_ and I see her with you and I've never seen her so happy and relaxed as she is with you. Seeing her confronting Spencer today, I could see a kind of fear in her eyes that only Leopold ever put there."

"He'll get what he deserves, trust me," Emma scoffed in disgust at the mention of Spencer. "He'll be served with a restraining order and a fine or jail. Although if it were up to me, I'd rather just kick his ass."

"I'm all for giving him a taste of his own medicine. He and Leopold were friends and I don't doubt that he probably witnessed Leopold hurting Regina at some point. They're both assholes."

Emma nodded in agreement. She definitely would beat the shit out of Spencer if given the chance. The bastard reminded her too much of Leopold and she shuddered.

"So how did the meeting go with Dr. Roe?" Ruby suddenly asked.

"Could've been better," Emma sighed leaning back in her seat at Regina's desk. Ruby sat on the other side. The paperwork was completed in front of them. The reminder of Regina possibly having to take medication at some point flashed in her mind and she took a shaky breath. "I don't want to discuss the details without Regina's approval, but we've come up with a plan."

"And how is she?"

"She's scared, but she's hanging in there. She wants to get better."

"She's a strong woman who has been through alot. She'll get through this and she has you and Henry."

At those words, Emma felt the same emotional stress she felt in the hospital waiting room bubbling up from deep within. She felt like there might come a point where she and Henry might not be enough. She's seen the effects of abuse when she was in the foster system. Although everyone has their own experience and their own way of dealing with it, nonetheless she was terrified.

The question Regina had asked her in the car still echoed in her mind.

_Did I make the right choice?_

She wasn't sure. But that didn't mean she wouldn't try her damn hardest to help Regina through this. To help her learn to cope and accept everything she has been through. Even if it did come to a point where Regina's depression swallowed her up so deep that she was unable to listen to what was best for her recovery, she wouldn't let her fall.

* * *

Regina finished her work and closed her laptop and set it on the coffee table. She slid to the floor, back against the couch right beside Henry. She watched him sketch a drawing from a story he had been working on. To her amazement the Queen he was sketching looked alot like her. When did he become so good at drawing? Her heart swelled with pride for her talented young son.

"She's beautiful," she whispered. Henry looked up at her with shining eyes. There had been a point in their relationship where his drawings and stories had hurt her. Had driven a wedge between them. Now Regina was sitting here, awestruck for the first time.

"She's the Good Queen of all the realms," he explained. "But she's troubled."

"Troubled?"

"The Dark King took away her fire and she couldn't get it back, but then..." He turned the page to a completed drawing with color. Regina's eyes widened. It was a swan. A beautiful swan, and then he flipped the page once more to show her the swan had transformed into a knight. She and Emma had heard him talk about the fairytale he's been writing about the queen and her knight. This was just the first she's seen his illustrations of the two. "...the knight he had cursed as a swan, helped her get it back and together they defeated him and they lived happily ever after."

"Wow, Henry," she whispered. "These drawings are so beautiful."

No longer was he writing stories of the Evil Queen. He was filling the pages with stories of the Good Queen and her Knight. It was no mystery as to who had inspired his characters. She can see this was his way of coping with all that had happened. She wrapped her arm around him and pulled him against her, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of his head.

"Do you want to draw with me?" he asked, ripping out a blank sheet from the back of the pad and handing it to her. She took it, suddenly reminded of Archie's advice of finding a hobby or joining in on one of Henry's as a way to ground herself. She nodded and picked up one of Henry's pencils. She laid the paper on the coffee table, unsure what to draw. How did he come up with inspiration, she would never know.

He saw her hesitating.

"Draw what's in your head," he advised.

She felt lost. She felt anxious, sad, and unable to cope with the violent abuse she had suffered. How would she draw that? She grabbed her lesson portfolio that was stacked on top of her laptop to use as a table. She didn't want Henry to see and he somehow understood that because he did not question her. He resumed his drawing of the Good Queen. They silently sat there in the warmth of the flames as they drew together, their minds both on the the past they had suffered through. They didn't have to fill the silence with words. They found comfort in this shared activity together and that was enough.

That was how Emma found them and she hated that she somehow interrupted them just by walking in with Ruby. Regina was suddenly shakened and was stuffing her drawing in her portfolio and placing it under her laptop. Clearly she didn't want to share it and Emma didn't question her.

After saying goodbye to Ruby, Regina claimed she was tired and headed up for the night. Even if it was early, just after 8pm, Emma and Henry followed her lead. After today, Emma was wiped as well. Henry was given till 9 to read or do whatever activity in his room that didn't involve a screen.

Emma was almost asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. It wasn't long until she felt a warm body pressing up against her back and an arm wrapping around her. She felt Regina bury her face into her neck and tangle their legs together. A warm kiss was pressed on her neck and Emma turned in her arms so that they were facing each other. Emma kissed her lips and Regina melted further into her.

"How are you feeling, love?" she asked, wanting to check in. Regina had been quiet since they got home.

"A little overwhelmed," she confessed.

"We'll take it one step at a time," she assured her. "We'll come up with a workout plan tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like a plan," she approved and Emma pressed another kiss to her lips.

It wasn't long till Regina had fallen asleep with her head on Emma's shoulder. Emma stayed awake, watching her sleep through the darkness of the room. Her mind was still full of all the thoughts and emotions swirling in her head from the events of the day. She forced her mind to shut it all out.

"One step at a time," she whispered to herself, pressing a sweet kiss to Regina's cheek and finally succumbing to sleep.

* * *

Everything was in order, the statements Emma received from Ruby and Regina were processed along with the restraining order. David and Emma were at Spencer's doorstep the next day. He opened the door and smirked at the sheriff and her deputy.

"Sheriff Swan, what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked as if he had no idea.

"Cut the crap Spencer!" she growled out, the same anger she felt yesterday was brimming to the surface and this time she couldn't control it. She was suddenly pushing him back against the door to his house with her arm against his chest. "Don't you ever come near her again! I will end you myself!"

"Emma!" David was pulling her back and Spencer took a moment to catch his breath and straightened his tie. Trying to remain professional, David handed the bastard the restraining order and fine. "You are being served with a restraining order and a fine. If you fail to pay or come anywhere near Professor Mills, you will be arrested. Consider this a warning, because the next time you won't get off so easy."

"You're lucky Regina is not suing!" Emma spat. Emma had brought up the subject this morning and Regina claimed she had enough to worry about as it was. Emma could understand that.

"She's lucky I don't take her to the educational board! She has been singling out my nephew!"

"We all know that's bull! Your nephew is a lazy entitled piece of shit! You better not be anywhere near campus during his meeting. I'll make sure of it."

"That sounds like a threat, sheriff," he smirked.

"Well then consider it as one," she warned. "Let's go David." Without even another glance in his direction, Emma took off down the walkway with David following right behind her.


	14. Chapter 13 Small Steps And Small Victories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a fun one to write!
> 
> Trigger Warnings - Talk of PTSD, depression, anxiety and dissociation disorders and light smut in the end
> 
> Also this chapter deals heavily with psychological elements. I'm not a therapist or a professional in the field so a lot of this stuff might be inaccurate. I just google the info I need and make it work. The evaluation for example and the normal, moderate, severe scale, I googled so please don't believe in the accuracy. It's just for the sake of fan fiction.
> 
> Enjoy and please Review!

Emma wasn't really an outdoorsy kind of person, but she enjoyed hiking and so she and Regina found themselves out on the trail early that morning. It had been several days since the confrontation with Spencer. By the time Saturday rolled around, Emma and Regina had come up with a workout routine. They'd decided to hike several mornings out of the week before work. She hoped establishing this routine and keeping up with the workout would help like Dr. Roe advised. If anything, to make it easier for Regina to get up in the mornings.

Emma looked up ahead to see Regina admiring the view as she waited for the blonde to catch up. Apparently, Regina was more in shape than the sheriff despite the fact Emma's job had her running after crooks and stray spotted dogs from time to time. In fact, Emma found her muscles incredibly sore after their first hike and Regina had adorably teased her about it.

Emma watched her as she slowly caught up. Regina's back was turned to her, her arms wrapped around herself as she looked out at Storybrooke. She wore black yoga pants with running shoes and a grey hoodie that suspiciously looked familiar, Emma's hoodie. She didn't mind. It looked better on the brunette anyway.

As motivated and playful Regina had been on their first couple of morning hikes, today she seemed off. She was quiet and solemn. She was anxious and Emma caught her shoving her shaking hands in the pocket of her hoodie more than once since they left the house. She was lost in her head and no matter how hard Emma tried distracting her with conversation, she couldn't pull her out of her head space. Today was the day of her evaluation with Dr. Roe and Dr. Hopper. She wondered if that was the reason she was so anxious all morning.

"What's on your mind, beautiful?" Emma asked the moment she caught up and was standing next to her. Regina turned to her, her brown eyes apprehensive as if she were afraid to admit out loud what she was feeling. "It's just me…" she whispered, wanting to reach out but held back. She can see by Regina's tense posture that this was a no touch kind of moment.

"I just…" she started, struggling to express what she was feeling into words. "I don't know what I feel, Emma." Shaking hands were once again burying themselves in her hoodie pocket.

"Are you nervous about your evaluation?" she asked.

"It's more than that," the brunette whispered. "What happens after it is what I'm afraid of."

"Whatever happens, you know you're not alone," Emma reminded her.

"I know," Regina sighed, her brown eyes looking so lost. Emma desperately wanted to take her in her arms and hold her, but she wanted Regina to initiate whether she wanted contact or not. "I just feel like I'm holding my breath."

"And I'm reminding you to breathe," Emma urged. "You've come so far since the day I met you. You're making progress even if you don't see it."

"Am I really?" she asked, doubtfully.

"You learned to control your anger, well besides from when it involves Mary Margaret. That's something and the emotional dissociation is far in between."

"But I'm still dissociating."

"Small steps and small victories," Emma assured her. "You're getting there even if it still seems so far away."

"You don't deserve this Emma. You deserve someone without so much..."

"Hey, why don't you let me decide that."

Regina looked as if she were about to argue, but then stopped. She looked out at the view once more, like she was trying to make sense of Emma's insistence to be with her and support her through everything that has happened and still is. It couldn't be all just to stay in Henry's life.

"I know it's hard for you to understand. I know you never had enough love in your life to believe in it. I know you're scared, but I am too. I love you and I love our son and that should be enough reason why I'm walking you through this. I won't let you face this alone."

A single tear streamed down her cheek and she discreetly wiped it away as if she didn't want Emma to see her tearing up. Long ago she had hated this woman. Believed she was taking away her son and now here she was standing on the edge of a cliff with her. Emma, who had experienced god knows what growing up in the foster system and then the streets was standing here with her heart wide open. She deserved so much better, she was sure of it.

Emma could see the self loathing in those teary dark eyes. She didn't know how else to prove to Regina that she was enough, other than guiding her through the hardest time of her life.

"Come on, I know a spot to settle down. It's our morning off. Henry is with David and Mary Margaret. We have nowhere to be right now."

Regina followed her into the trees, a ways off of the trail. She was confused, but didn't question her. It wasn't long until they came to grassy clearing with an even more spectacular view of Storybrooke. If they looked hard enough, they could probably see their house.

"Wow," Regina whispered, taking in her surroundings. Emma shrugged off the backpack she was carrying and pulled out a blanket. She laid it under a tree and sat down.

"I figured we could soak up the scenery for an hour or so before heading back down." Emma wanted to give her the chance to pause and take a breath before having to go back to town for the evaluation she's been dreading.

Regina came over and gracefully sat beside her. Emma could see how tensed she suddenly became and wanted to help her relax. She laid back, closing her eyes and listened to the quiet sounds of nature. It was only a few seconds did she hear a quiet sigh and the shuffling movements of Regina settling beside her. Emma tried not to grin when she felt Regina finally initiating physical contact by curling into her side. Her face remained neutral, eyes closed as she simply wrapped an arm around the smaller woman and pulled her closer if it were even possible.

"Breath," Emma whispered with her eyes still shut, feeling how stiff her body was. She felt Regina take several breaths until the tension was finally leaving her shoulders and she was allowing herself to melt into the warm embrace. They lied in silence, taking in the quietness of the clearing and the feeling of being in each other's arms. For a moment the world stood still and all their troubles melted away.

"This is peaceful," Regina whispered.

"I thought you needed a moment before we go back to real life." Regina snuggled into Emma's chest at those words, tightening her hold around her. "Comfy?" she chuckled, finally opening her eyes and kissing her forehead.

"Very," Regina sighed. "We don't have to go back to real life. We could just stay here. The two of us."

"That sounds tempting, love."

"How did you know this place was here? It's a little off the trail?"

"Back when I first came to Storybrooke, I walked the trail every now and then. I heard a dog barking and realized it was coming from the trees so I followed it and I happened to come across this clearing where a young couple were playing with their dog. I thought it was the perfect place to hide from the world."

"So it is," Regina hummed in agreement.

* * *

Unfortunately the world didn't stay still for long. Eventually, they had to make their way back to town. Emma had wanted to go straight to Grannys for breakfast and then walk Regina over to Archies, but Regina insisted they go home first. She wanted to change out of her hiking clothes. Emma agreed and decided she might as well change into some jeans as well. Once they were done, they headed to Grannies finally. Regina was dressed as if she were going to work. She wore black slacks and a blazer with a crisp white blouse along with killer heels. Her make up was heavy and Emma had a feeling this was all part of the mask she wore when she was feeling vulnerable. Now it made sense why she had refused to go to her appointment in leggings and a sweatshirt.

They found a booth and after they had ordered their food, Emma reached out and squeezed her hand. She's been quiet all morning, even as they were leaving the clearing. The more it got closer to her appointment, the more nervous Regina became. Emma could see it in her eyes and the way she kept wringing her hands.

"What do you want to do tonight?" she asked, wanting to distract her. "We could do something fun with Henry?"

"That sounds like a great idea," she smiled although it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Hmm, I mean there's not much to do in Storybrooke is there?" Emma asked.

"Of course not," Regina scoffed. "Although why don't we try out that new outdoor skating rink that opened up. Summer is just over and it's the perfect weather."

"I can't skate," Emma suddenly sounded terrified. Regina grinned, her eyes sparkling this time.

"I'll teach you. Henry used to play hockey and I skated a bit as a child. It's easy once you get the hang of it."

"I'm gonna regret this," Emma groaned.

"Do you want to back out?" she challenged with a raised eyebrow and Emma felt something stir within her. She'd definitely back out if it meant spending the evening in bed and teaching her a thing or too instead.

"Maybe," Emma said, looking flushed and Regina smirked, somehow knowing what was going on in that head of hers.

"The best part about ice skating is going home and warming up by the fire after, when Henry is asleep. Just you and me," she whispered, her dark eyes fixated on Emma's green ones. Her mouth went dry and her cheeks felt warm as images of a naked Regina on the floor of the study, of her kissing those red lips by the fire, flashed through her mind.

"I'm in!"

Regina laughed and this time it was genuine. There was no hesitance or anxiety in her expression. Just pure joy and Emma wished she could smile and laugh like this all the time. They finished their breakfast, playfully bantering back and forth. Regina seemed to have forgotten about being nervous for her appointment. She even finished her apple pancakes, where she usually didn't have an appetite if she was anxious. Soon enough it was time to head out. The anxiousness came back and as they walked out of the diner, Emma could see her hands trembling once more.

They walked across the street to Archies and before Regina could step inside, Emma took her shaking hands.

"I can see you're nervous," Emma whispered. "It's going to be ok. Remember, whatever happens, we'll take it step by step."

"Step by step," Regina nodded as if she were desperately trying to convince herself. Emma squeezed her hands as if trying to soothe the shaking with that gesture alone.

"Breathe," she reminded her for the second time that morning.

Regina took several deep breaths until the heavy feeling in her chest lessoned. She was terrified of what will come out in this evaluation. She was worried it might change things. What if Emma decided this was too much to handle. What if Henry decided he didn't want to live with a mother who was so emotionally hurt she could barely get up on some mornings. These dark thoughts were running rampant in her head until Emma's soothing voice broke through.

"Whatever it is you're thinking… And I know you're probably thinking worst case scenarios, remember our talk this morning. You're not facing anything alone. I'll be right here when you're done."

The dark thoughts of everyone leaving her finally dissipated and Regina sighed as she let Emma's reassurance wash over her. She was right. She couldn't let those kinds of insecurities hold her back and drown her. She needed to be brave and she needed to be strong. She took another breath as if trying to gain some confidence. She pulled her hands from Emma and straightened her posture.

"I can do this."

She walked into that office with an air of confidence, desperately trying not to fall between the cracks of self loathing and anxiety that were swimming just beneath the surface and threatening to drag her down. She could do this, she kept reminding herself. She tried to feed off of the faith Emma had in her to get through this.

Archie let her in and she right away noticed Dr. Roe seated on the couch. After exchanging pleasantries, Archie took a seat on the armchair across and Regina sat a good distance beside Dr. Roe.

They started off with Regina discussing the workout plan she had created with Emma and then that led to how she has been doing since the confrontation with Spencer. She held back on what she was truly feeling. She was closed off and both doctors can see that. She claimed she was fine and just trying to move on. When really, she was having trouble getting through the day. Her depression has not improved. She was anxious all the time. She hasn't had another panic attack although she was still so shakened over certain triggers.

"Regina, before we get started. We need you to open yourself up. I know that's a lot to ask. I know you're scared and you're trying to protect yourself, but for this evaluation to be conclusive you can't be closed off," Archie said gently, but also trying not to coddle her. He needed her to let down her walls.

"We're not here to hurt you," Dr. Roe reminded her.

Something flickered in those eyes and Archie saw it. He saw the fear of being called out and he understood, the mask she had carefully constructed over the years was now starting to crumble.

"How about we start over," he began. "How have you been doing since the confrontation with Spencer." Regina looked down at her suddenly shaking hands. In fact she felt her whole body trembling at the question. She came into the office completely closed off and Archie and Dr. Roe immediately saw through it. Now her mask was off and she couldn't hide anymore. She couldn't meet his eyes. Long ago she had made this man fear her and now here she was feeling weak in his presence.

"Regina?" Dr. Roe's kind voice sounded from beside her. "Can you look at us?"

She was dissociating, her mind was shutting them out. Her breaths started increasing. When she didn't respond, Dr. Roe got up and knelt before her, but not touching her.

"Regina?" she repeated carefully, recognizing the emotional dissociation immediately. "Look at me please. Make eye contact." She didn't respond and Archie immediately got up and wrapped a blanket over the trembling woman. They were trying to snap her out of it by grounding her.

"Pongo come," Archie called his dog over, knowing exactly what to do to get her to snap out of it. She needed to feel something real. Pongo rushed over from his bed in the corner and immediately settled on the couch beside Regina and licked her face. He nuzzled his head onto her lap and under her hands as if asking for pets. Regina blinked, her mind snapping back to awareness and focusing on the dog half on her lap.

"Good boy Pongo," Archie praised, patting his dog's head and taking a seat. Dr. Roe held her eye contact with the brunette.

"Deep breaths, that's it," she encouraged. "Keep looking at me. You're ok."

"What… Did I space out?" Regina asked, her voice trembling. She was suddenly aware of the blanket over her shoulders and the dog curled up beside her. Her fingers started stroking his fur, the shakiness in her hands lessening with each pet.

Dr. Roe nodded. "Remember what Archie asked before you spaced out?"

"How have I been doing?" she asked, her heart racing at what just happened. Dr. Roe must have noticed, because she moved to take her seat beside her again, this time a little closer.

"Let's try a grounding technique before we go back to the question."

"How was your hike this morning with Emma. List five things you felt, smelled, saw, heard, or even tasted," Archie encouraged.

Regina nodded, finally making eye contact with Archie. She thought back to the morning she had with Emma and how it felt out on that clearing just the two of them. "We found this clearing and I wasn't having a good morning. So she had me lie down with her on a blanket under a tree and it felt like it was just the two of us and time stood still. I felt warm and safe. I smelled her perfume mixed with the smell of nature. I saw the browning leaves aboves us and the blue sky. I heard birds in the distance and the taste of Emma's lips when she kissed me." Her heart stopped racing and her hands were no longer trembling as she absentmindedly stroked Pongo's head and ears. She felt a sudden calm wash over her at the memory of the morning she shared with her lover. Even when Emma wasn't here, she somehow still comforted her.

"There you are," Archie whispered patiently.

"Are you ok to continue?" Dr. Roe asked, concern lacing her words. She's heard of the dissociation from Archie and from Emma but this was the first she's seen it. Regina nodded, suddenly just wanting to get this over with and get back to her family. So she went back to the question at hand that had made her shut down.

"I have more bad days than good," she admitted. "Some days it's hard to get up. Sometimes I'm so anxious I can't breathe. Sometimes I'm confronted with a certain trigger that reminds me of him and I have to calm myself. I haven't had another attack. Grounding myself is getting a little easier."

"You're making progress," Archie praised her.

"That's what Emma said."

"You don't see it?"

"Honestly, no."

"The fact that you're opening up now is progress and you said it yourself. You're finding it easier to ground yourself when you feel a panic attack coming on." Regina didn't respond. She thought about the points he made but she wasn't quite ready to call it progress just yet.

"Are you ready to start the evaluation?" Archie asked, moving on.

Regina nodded, taking a breath and trying to push away the nervousness. She thought about the words Emma had left her with. Step by step. No matter what happens, they'll get through it.

The process was long and at times difficult, but she managed to answer every question. In the end the results didn't surprise her. Moderate PTSD, anxiety, emotional dissociation disorder, and depression. It was already expected, but hearing the extent of the diagnosis as moderate just made it all much more real.

They discussed her options and treatment plan once more, making adjustments to it now that they had a definitive extent of her diagnosis. Archie wanted to increase her therapy appointments to twice a week instead of one. He also reassured her that she still had control over her recovery and she was allowed to make changes. The option of medication came up again and just like before, she declined them. They went over grounding techniques, breathing exercises and calming methods once more. By the time she was finally leaving, her brain felt like mush.

Emma was waiting for her outside just like she said she would.

"Hey, how did it go?" she asked.

"Not that great," Regina admitted, suddenly feeling shy. She looked away and Emma gently reached out and placed her hand on her cheek, guiding her to meet her eyes. Regina saw the concern clouding those green orbs.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. "I don't want to push you if you're not comfortable."

"Let's just go home," she whispered.

* * *

They were sitting on the living room couch with mugs of tea. They had a few hours until Henry was supposed to come home and Regina didn't want him to overhear what had happened in her session today. She didn't want him worrying about her more than he already was. She was tensed, her hands gripping the warm mug far too tightly. Emma must have noticed because she gently took the mug from her hands and set it on the coffee table beside her own.

"You don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable sharing," Emma reminded her. "You don't even have to tell me the results from the evaluation. I respect your privacy and the confidentiality between you and the doctors."

Those words meant so much. She's never had anyone who trusted and respected her as much as the woman beside her. She relaxed her shoulders, letting the tension ease. She was too mentally exhausted to discuss her session and honestly she really did not want to talk about how she emotionally shut down and dissociated herself before the evaluation had even begun. She looked into green eyes, her hand reaching out and squeezing Emma's warm hand.

"I don't feel like discussing what happened during the session," she admitted and Emma could hear the exhaustion in her voice. "But I do want to share the results. It's nothing that we already didn't suspect. They just wanted to know the extent of each one. Just hearing it makes it all more real."

"And remember, nothing is going to change how I feel for you. I'm not letting you go through this alone." Regina's eyes shined with unshed tears. She let go of Emma's hand and cupped her cheek. She had no idea what she'd done to deserve this woman and the love she so freely gave her. Her lower lip trembled as she tried to find the courage to verbally reveal the results Dr. Hopper and Dr. Roe diagnosed. "You're ok," Emma whispered, moving slightly to kiss the palm on her cheek. She placed her hand over Regina's and rubbed comforting circles on her skin with her thumb.

She took a deep breath.

"Moderate PTSD, emotional dissociation disorder, anxiety, and…" she paused. The one that they already both knew, but the hardest for them to accept. "Depression."

She looked away, not wanting to see Emma's reaction. She moved her hands to her lap, suddenly embracing herself for Emma to reject her even if she already knew Emma would never do that to her. She couldn't help but fear it. And suddenly Emma was pulling her into her embrace, holding her tightly.

"Step by step," she whispered into her ear and Regina couldn't stop the sudden sobs from racking her body.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew she was waking up on the couch with a blanket over her. The fireplace was lit, warming the autumn chilled room. She turned to her side to see Henry sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. From her angle she could see he was still working on his drawing of the good queen.

"She's coming along beautifully," she whispered sleepily, the nap she'd taken was definitely what she needed to recharge after her session left her so drained. She didn't even remember falling asleep on Emma's shoulder as she cried.

Henry looked up at her and grinned.

"Thanks, although I can't seem to get her eyes right."

Regina tilted her head, taking a better look at it. She didn't see anything wrong but then a true artist always sees differently.

"Where's Emma?"

"Something about skates and how she's gonna have sore as… bum tomorrow morning," he quickly changed his wording. Regina raised an eyebrow at him, clearly not missing what he almost said.

"We're going to try out that new outdoor skating rink that opened up. Did you bring your skates with you from the mansion?"

"Yup, although I think yours got left behind. Emma is out buying some for the both of you."

"Ouch, those are going to hurt," she muttered as she sat up and ran a hand through her hair.

"That's what I said but you guys don't really have a choice unless you want to rent the stinky ones everybody uses."

"Good point."

She went upstairs to change into something comfortable and suitable for skating. She pulled on some black leggings and then some thick socks and boots along with a long sleeved shirt. She slipped on her favorite Emma hoodie she'd been wearing that morning and fixed her hair and make up. By the time she made it down the stairs, Emma was walking in with a bag from the sports shop.

"My hoodie looks great on you," she winked as she plopped the bag on the sofa. "Come try these on, beautiful."

Emma sat down and pulled two shoe boxes out. Regina sat beside her and accepted the box Emma handed her. She pulled a white skate out and slipped it on.

"Thank you darling. They fit perfectly, although you know they're going to hurt right?"

"Yup, but Henry traumatized me with the alternative of wearing stinky rentals."

"Very well," Regina laughed. "Ready?"

"To fall on my ass?" she asked, aware Henry was probably upstairs getting ready.

"Who do you think taught Henry?" Regina playfully narrowed her eyes at her as Emma wiggled her foot from side to side as if trying to get used to the feel of wearing the heavy skate. Images of a young Henry learning to skate with Regina guiding him flashed in her mind. She wished she had been there to see it.

"Now that's a sight."

* * *

The evening was cold and so the little family bundled up and drove to the skating rink that opened up in the park. People were all ready out on the ice, skating and having fun. There weren't too many people so that meant they were able to skate comfortably. The closer they got the more Henry and Regina were getting excited. Emma on the other hand was nervous. She'd never done anything like this before. Growing up in the city and in foster care, she never got the chance. Once they checked in and got their skates on, Henry right away got on the ice and skated towards some friends as if he just didn't go from solid ground to ice. How was he so good at everything! And then Regina was next. She just went in and gracefully glided, making a circle and then coming back to the entrance where Emma stood with shaky knees. Her mouth went dry. It had to be a Mills thing!

"Ready, Swan?" Regina asked, looking into those apprehensive green eyes.

"Nope," her voice shook.

"Take my hand." She gently reached her hand out and Emma hesitated. "I'm not going to lie. You might slip a little here and there, but it's part of learning. Think of it as riding a bike."

"So I will fall on my ass after all," she quipped, taking Regina's hand anyway and letting her guide her onto the ice. The moment her skates made contact with slippery ice, she nearly lost her balance, but Regina steadied her in time.

"Easy, find your balance," Regina was practically pressed up behind her, guiding her as they slowly started moving. Her hands were on her hips. "There you go. One, two, three… One, two, three. You're getting it."

"How are you so good at this?" she asked.

"My father taught me when I was young." Emma could hear the grief in her voice. She knew she missed him and her mother made it nearly impossible to see him. She suddenly felt Regina's body moving away from her and Emma startled at the lack of support and contact.

"Concentrate," the brunette whispered in her ear and then moved beside her, never letting go of her hand. They were skating side by side, holding hands. Regina was far more graceful as Emma wobbly glided and tried to keep her balance. Either way though, she was doing it.

"You're doing it ma!" Henry praised excitedly as he skated past them like the little pro he was.

"I sure am kid," she laughed, squeezing Regina's hand. She heard Regina laugh beside her at their son's antics and warned him to slow down. Emma could see the pride shining in her eyes though.

"Are you having fun?" Emma asked, wanting to check in on her emotionally. She had a long day and wanted to see if she was ok. The nap she took seemed to do her good. She didn't look as exhausted as she did after her session. She revealed the results from the evaluation which really weren't a surprise. They had already known what her diagnosis might be. They were just trying to find out the extent of it. However admitting to the depression seemed to have broken something in the brunette. She broke down in her arms, the tears stopping only when she had fallen asleep on her shoulder. She then proceeded to lie Regina on the couch and drape a blanket over her. She lit the fireplace, wanting her to be warm while she figured out where to find some skates. She wanted to get her mind off of everything. She wanted her to let go and have fun and smile. Even if it was just for one night. Ice skating, even though she had no business being on a rink, was perfect.

"I am," Regina shot her a smile and something stirred within her belly, making her feel sick when the smile didn't reach her eyes. In fact she seemed a bit out of touch with herself since her session. Well, it was time to change that.

"Can you help me to the railing? I want to see what you got without me slowing you down."

"You're not slowing me down," she protested.

"Come on Mills!"

"If you insist," she gave in with a playful roll of her eyes. Emma could see the ghost of a smirk on her lips. She guided her to the closest rail at the end of the rink and upped her speed the moment Emma was situated. She proceeded to do a few quick laps around, impressing Emma with her grace and confidence. She looked so beautiful. And then Henry skated towards her, joining her and laughing with her as they skated circles around everyone. Emma's heart beamed at the genuine laughter she could hear from her beautiful girlfriend. Leave it to their son to get her to laugh.

Once the racing had stopped, they stood in the middle of the rink and from what Emma can guess they were playing a game of who could do it better. She watched them do trick after trick and was actually impressed at how good they were. She was also captivated by their relationship. It's progressed so much from the days Henry was convinced his adoptive mother was an evil queen. Now here they were laughing and playing together like she suspected they used to before their relationship had crumbled.

Emma was so caught up in watching them that she didn't even notice a couple of teenage boys racing around the rink at a speed faster than anyone else was going. It wasn't until they were speeding down the middle of the rink right towards Regina and Henry did she notice them. By then it was too late. Regina pulled Henry out of the way so fast she didn't even have a chance to move out of the way herself. One of the boys collided into her and she fell hard on her back. The rink fell silent and Emma's heart dropped.

"Regina!" she yelled, not even thinking and skating as fast as she can towards the center. The boys were fumbling apologies but didn't move to help the shocked fallen woman.

"Watch where you're going!" Henry was shoving one of the teens angrily and then turned to see Emma skating towards them. His mouth fell open in shock. "Emma! Stop!"

She looked down at Regina who seemed to have found her breath and was sitting up. That was when she realized she didn't know how to stop. "Regina! Watch out!" she cried and then the next thing she knew she was falling on top of her. Her torso collided with Regina's. Regina let out a pained cry and then covered her face with her hands. Emma was on her knees in an instant, not even paying attention to the ice biting her skin through her jeans.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?" she asked, her voice shaking as she scanned her girlfriend for any injuries. She was still covering her face and she was shaking. "Regina?"

Emma moved her hands and was surprised to see her laughing. Really laughing. "Miss Swan! Did you really just trip over me!"

"I'm sorry I was trying to rescue you," Emma huffed and then smirked as her girlfriend giggled, her dark hair splayed out beneath her. She could see from here that her clothes were getting wet from the ice. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, help me up please. The ice is freezing!"

"Are you sure?" she asked as she helped her sit up and dust the pieces of ice from her back. "That was a hard fall and then I fell on top of you. You didn't hit your head on the way down, did you?" Regina shook her head just as Henry was done yelling at the teens and skating back towards his mothers.

"Are you guys ok?" Henry asked, eyes wide with worry. The teenage boys were just standing there sheepishly and everyone started resuming their skating when they realized no one was hurt. One of the rink staff was heading over though and started telling off the boys and proceeded to kick them out for rough playing.

"I think so," Emma's voice trembled, suddenly feeling just how cold the ice was herself now that the adrenaline was fading and Regina seemed to be ok.

"Anyone hurt?" the employee asked, once the boys had left.

"Just a bit winded," Regina replied. "Although we need help getting up."

"Of course," he said, helping each woman up and then proceeded to apologize on behalf of the teens and assured them they had been kicked out. Once they were left alone, Regina looked at Emma in awe.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You were skating!"

"Oh my god I was!" she realized gleefully and Henry busted out laughing all of a sudden.

"And then you tripped over mom!"

"Henry!" Regina scolded.

"But it was so funny!"

"You know what? Laugh it out kid," Emma laughed as well. She couldn't blame him. The sight was probably hilarious and embarrassing actually.

"Well, I'm beat. I think I'm going to sit for awhile," Regina informed them and then started skating towards the entrance. The moment she started to move she winced in pain, a hand flying to her back.

"Regina, you're hurt," Emma immediately noticed.

"I think I might have bruised something," she admitted.

"Maybe it's time we head home?" Emma suggested, not wanting Regina to sit in pain longer than she had to.

Regina could see Henry's face falling even if he nodded in agreement. He was having so much fun and they really hadn't been here long.

"How about in thirty minutes?" Regina asked, not missing the way Henry perked up. "I'm sure it's just bruised, honey. We just got here. I don't want to spoil the fun."

Emma looked at her skeptically but then both mother and son turned on her with those puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," Emma groaned and then shook her head affectionately when they got excited.

"Go on kid, make the best of it."

"Thanks moms!" He cheered and then was skating back to his friends.

"Come on," Emma smiled at Regina, linking their arms together and letting the brunette safely guide her back to the entrance. They managed to make it in one piece and soon enough they were on a bench and taking off their skates.

"Ahh that feels better," Emma sighed in relief the moment the heavy skates were off and she once again had on her boots. Once she was done lacing them up, she right away noticed Regina shivering. After all, she was lying on the ice longer than necessary thanks to her clumsy rescue attempt and was probably soaked through. She started to remove her red leather jacket so that she was only wearing her sweatshirt that was underneath.

"Here, you're cold," she observed, handing over the jacket. Regina, who was in the process of putting her own boots on, looked at her in surprise.

"But you're cold too."

"I can see your lips trembling. You were lying back on the ice and I'm sure your coat is wet."

"It is," she admitted, adorably wrinkling her nose in disgust as she took off her black pea coat to find it soaked. She gratefully took the jacket and slipped it on over Emma's hoodie she had been wearing underneath. "Thank you."

"Excuse me." The young employee who had helped them out on the ice earlier approached them. Both women looked up at him, noticing the blanket he was holding as well as an envelope. "I uh just wanted to apologize again for the rough behavior of those kids earlier and offer you three free passes for the next time you come visit. Also I figured you can use this." He handed them the blanket and envelope.

"Yes, thank you so much. We really appreciate it."

"Those miscreant boys should be apologizing, but thank you," Regina accepted the blanket and passes. Once he walked away, Regina wrapped the blanket around her and Emma and leaned into her side. Emma held her against her, rubbing her arm in an attempt to warm her faster. "Now we definitely have to come back."

"I'll gladly take another face plant to the ice if it means I get to watch you and Henry having so much fun."

"It's been a long time since we've done this," Regina hummed softly.

"You and Henry have come so far."

Regina's dark eyes gleamed as she watched their son skating and laughing with his friends. He was so happy. Far from the confused and angry boy he once was. He had come so far in his mental health, only seeing Archie once a month now. His happiness was all she ever wanted for him.

* * *

When they got home and after Henry had showered and gone to bed, both Emma and Regina were sitting on the floor in the study by the blazing flames of the hearth with a glass of cider. This was starting to become their favorite kind of nightcap.

Regina had her shirt off, so she was just sitting in her bra facing the fireplace as Emma sat behind her and massaged her back. They were both shocked to see the giant bruise she had gotten from falling and then Emma insisted on a back massage to make up for falling on her.

At first Regina was hesitant because of the scars on her back but then Emma assured her that she didn't mind and reminded her it was nothing she hasn't already seen. She was beautiful with or without them. She wanted to make her feel good. Soon those fingers were being replaced by kisses and Regina forgot all about her insecurities. She melted into them, suddenly wanting Emma to take it further.

She turned in her arms, taking those lips into hers, pausing only to take Emma's shirt off. She felt Emma's fingers remove her bra and then warm hands were cupping her breasts.

"Feel better, love?" Emma whispered between kisses, obviously still feeling bad about falling on top of her.

"Very," she groaned, gently lowering the blonde back and moving on top of her. She removed her bra as well and then moved away from her lips to take a nipple in her mouth instead. Emma moaned, grinding against her and when she couldn't take any more she guided Regina back to her lips. They only separated long enough to strip each other of their remaining clothes.

Soon enough, Regina was on top of Emma with no barriers between them. She attacked Emma's neck, her body molded into her lovers so perfectly. They grinded against each other until they could no longer continue without going further. Emma was suddenly moving and urging Regina onto her back. For a moment she had tensed, her dark eyes flickering with uncertainty and Emma saw it right away.

"It's ok, you're safe," she whispered, brushing her lips with a reassuring kiss and then looking into her eyes, asking for consent like she always did. Regina nodded, the anxiety of being on her back melting away and trust shinned in her eyes instead.

Emma kissed her once more and then started kissing her neck, her breasts and finally moved down until she reached her center. Regina bucked into her mouth the moment Emma made contact. Emma worked her up but never actually entering her. Just when she was getting close, Regina reached down and gently guided her up towards her. Emma kissed her, her hand slipping down to her center and working her clit once more. Regina nearly cried out from the intensity. She slipped her own hand down and Emma hissed when Regina entered her. She rode along to Regina's thrusts and when they finally reached their peak, Emma nearly collapsed on top of the brunette. She rolled off of her, grabbing a blanket and covering the both of them. Regina cuddled into her side, pressing sweet sleepy kisses on her cheek.

"You're amazing, you know that," Emma sighed, nuzzling into her neck and making her laugh with kisses on her sensitive skin. A laugh that she was delighted to see reach her eyes.


	15. Chapter 14 To Be Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! This chapter was like pulling teeth for some reason and I'm still not exactly sure about it. I hope everyone had a great holiday! Thank you for reading and please review.

The following Sunday was calm and peaceful. The evening was spent inside, watching netflix on the couch by the fire with cups of hot chocolate. It was domesticated and warm and Emma thrived in it. She lived for these moments, never having experienced them as a kid and in a way she could see the same in Regina. Her mother was cold and her childhood home was anything but warm. She only ever experienced this when she was having sleepovers at Mary Margaret's as a child. Growing up, they knew what they were missing and now that they had it, they soaked it all in. After watching two movies, Regina and Henry were absorbed in their drawings. Emma was lying back on the couch in the middle of a good book, although her eyes kept drifting to Regina where she was curled up on the armchair. Henry was set up on the coffee table with his supplies all around him in an organized mess. She's been working on the same drawing Emma had caught her shoving into her portfolio last week after the hospital. She wondered what it was, although she refrained from asking. She could see this was private and Regina didn't wish to share, so she respected that.

After a while of just hearing pencil scratching on paper, Regina was slipping her drawing into her portfolio, signaling she was done for the evening. She placed it on the coffee table and then was coming over and crawling over Emma so she was lying between her and the back of the couch. Emma dropped her book to the floor and turned, taking her in her arms and burying her face into her neck.

"Feeling cuddly?" she asked, kissing her neck and then her cheek and lips. They tangled their legs together. Regina leaned into the kisses, melting into the affection.

"Moms, I can hear you kissing," Henry groaned making Regina laugh. Even if he teased them relentlessly about being gross and mushy, honestly their open affection made him happy. Gone were the days of hiding in his room and hearing his mother fighting with Leopold. He was always yelling at her when he thought Henry couldn't hear. No more hearing her cry behind a closed door. Now he always heard them kissing. He heard her laughing instead of crying. Even if she was having a bad day, Emma and Henry always tried to make her smile.

"I guess we better stop," Emma giggled and proceeded to hug Regina close to her instead. Regina huffed at that and then blushed when Emma whispered in her ear the promise of continuing tonight when they were alone.

"I think I'm going to close my eyes for a bit," she yawned, nuzzling further into Emma's chest and wrapped her arm around her. Emma pressed tiny kisses all over her face and then proceeded to pick up her book. It wasn't long till she was asleep.

A good amount of time had passed when Henry looked over at Emma, observing the way she held his sleeping mother against her as she read her book. It must've been a good one because it was 20 minutes after his bed time and she didn't seem to notice. As much as he would love to take advantage and stay up he was tired and if Regina were to wake up and find him not in bed, she won't be happy. No matter how far their relationship has improved or the fact that she was far more patient and understanding than before, she was not the parent to mess around with.

He gathered his pad and case of pencils and stood before Emma.

"I'm going to get ready for bed now."

"Already?" Emma asked, lowering her book. "It's still…" She looked at the clock and realized it was twenty after nine. "What the hell?"

"Good book?" he asked.

"Very," she said, about to get up. "Do you want a story tonight?"

"No, that's ok," he said, not wanting her to get up and disturb his sleeping mother. She looked so comfortable and relaxed. He kissed Emma's cheek and then Regina's. "Good night Ma."

"Good night Henry," she smiled at him and then once he was up the stairs, Emma looked down at her sleeping girlfriend. Her head was on her shoulder and her arm was wrapped around Emma's torso. She was so damn adorable Emma didn't have the heart to wake her and so she decided twenty more minutes wouldn't hurt and besides, she was at a good part in her book.

Twenty minutes turned to forty and it was getting late. Just as Emma was thinking about wrapping it up, she noticed Regina's breathing was a little off. Her body had become tensed, and Emma could feel her tightening her hold around her torso. Emma frowned in concern, kicking herself for not realizing she was having a nightmare sooner. She tossed her novel on the coffee table and turned to face her.

"Regina?" she tried shaking her and when that didn't work, she sat up. The movement caused the brunette to snap her eyes open. She sat up in a panic, her bloodshot eyes wide with fear as she desperately tried to move back from Emma. The back of the couch stopped her and she closed her eyes in fear, shrinking into the couch. She was terrified. In this moment Emma could guess exactly who she was dreaming of.

"Please, don't," she whispered hoarsely, her whole body trembling.

"Regina, I'm not going to hurt you," she moved from the couch and knelt down on the floor in front of her, keeping her distance. She didn't want to scare her more than she already was. "It's me, Emma. You're ok."

She wasn't responding. Instead tears were now streaming down her cheeks. She was frozen in her fear. Emma desperately wanted to take her in her arms and hold her until she felt safe but she knew that any kind of physical touch would make her panic.

"Please, don't hurt me," she whispered. "Please."

"Look at me, love," Emma said gently. "Regina."

Still no response and Emma quietly panicked on the inside. She didn't know how to snap her out of this. She couldn't even tell if she was fully awake. A single tear streamed down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She needed to pull herself together and not panic. She remembered the grounding techniques they've been using and decided to go with it. She took a breath to calm her racing heart and focused on the trembling woman curled against the back of the couch. Her face was against the cushion, head bowed and eyes closed as if she were expecting to be hurt.

For a moment Emma froze as she realized if this was the kind of reaction Leopold would get just when he was about to hit her. What did he do when she was curled in fetal position and shaking so hard she could barely breathe. Did he stop, calm his anger and thought maybe he was going too far. Of course not! He'd probably beat her until she couldn't see straight. Emma felt a rush of anger surging through her as she watched Regina sob against the couch. She felt her own body trembling and couldn't even stop her own tears from streaming down her cheeks. She was so angry she wished she could go down to that prison and beat the shit out of him right now. She wanted him to pay a far worse fate than spending the next few decades in prison. She wanted him to feel what Regina was feeling.

She took a breath, desperately trying to snap herself back to the situation in hand. She needed to calm the red hot anger flowing through her veins and help Regina. She quickly wiped her tears and focused on the terrified woman before her.

"Regina," her voice shook heavily and she swallowed the sob that was threatening to come out. "Listen to me, love. Listen to my voice. Let's answer the questions together."

Emma waited patiently for a response. She still wasn't looking at her. Her breaths were still erratic and Emma thought she might have to go call Archie. And then Regina was whispering under her breath. For a moment, Emma thought she was still pleading for her not to hurt her, but then realized she was answering the questions.

"I'm home. I'm with Emma. She makes me feel safe. I'm home. I'm with Emma. She makes me feel safe." She was whispering it like a mantra and Emma just lost it. She started sobbing. Regina opened her eyes and looked at the sobbing blonde kneeling before her.

"Emma…" she whispered.

"Yes, baby it's me," Emma whispered. She wiped her tears, not wanting Regina to see her fall apart. "Take deep breaths." Regina took several and then slowly uncurled from the fetal position she was in. Emma got up and sat on the edge, still giving her space and letting her decide if she wanted to be touched. "You're ok, it was just a nightmare."

Regina looked at her, her eyes red and fearful. She was still so shakened.

"He was…" she couldn't even finish that sentence. She had been dreaming of Leopold and one of his more brutal punishments. He was shaking her so violently as he shouted in her face. It wasn't until he was hitting her did Emma pull her from the nightmare. She was half asleep and couldn't distinguish whether she was awake or asleep until she heard Emma's voice. Her hands shook and Emma's gaze fell upon them worriedly.

"I know," she whispered, her voice far shakier than she liked and held out her hand to guide her off the couch. For a moment Regina hesitated but then took her hand and allowed herself to be pulled up. "Let's get some tea before we go to bed."

She felt her trembling as she led her to the kitchen. The brunette sat down at the island looking so lost. She fidgeted with her hands as Emma prepared two mugs of tea in silence. Her dark eyes were still so fearful and anxious. She set the mug down in front of Regina and sat across from her, wanting to give her space.

"We could talk about it or we could sit here in silence until you're ready to go up," she said softly, dipping her head to try to get Regina to look at her. Her eyes were focused on her fidgeting hands.

"I don't want to talk about it," she whispered. "I can't…"

"That's ok," she assured her, taking a sip of her tea.

"I apologize for my reaction," she continued and Emma froze. The same anger she felt before once again simmered in her veins. Of course it wasn't aimed at Regina, but at the bastard who had dared put his hands on her.

"Don't apologize," she said sternly. "You reacted. You were scared. Don't apologize for that."

She shook her head with a disgusted chuckle. Emma could see the self loathing replacing the fear in her eyes. Emma swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. She got up, regardless of her earlier concerns of Regina needing space. Regina still wasn't looking at her. Her hands were still fidgeting. Emma recognized the anxious signs. She came around the island and without a second thought hugged Regina from behind. At first she had stiffened and Emma worried she was going to reject her but then she felt her melting in her arms.

She pulled away, looking into her eyes and gently raising her chin so she'd look at her.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Emma said, noting the self loathing and in the way she seemed to despise her reactions as if she were ashamed of it. "I know this type of reaction might have gotten you in trouble with Leopold and even with your mother, but they're wrong. You know they are."

Regina knew Emma was right but it was still so hard not to be disgusted with herself for her reaction from her nightmare. She couldn't help but remember the times her mother punished her for waking up crying and terrified or the way her husband would shame her for having nightmares like there was something wrong with her.

"I know," she whispered. "Sometimes I just have a hard time remembering that. I started getting alot of nightmares after I lost… After I miscarried. Leopold would get so angry if I'd wake him up. He'd force me to sleep in the study and make me apologize or make it up to him in some way."

Emma looked at her in horror, her green eyes tearing up. The bastard had the audacity to make her feel ashamed for having nightmares that were no doubt his fault. And what did she mean by making it up to him? She didn't want to know. It didn't matter. What mattered was comforting the anxious brunette and helping her get through this.

"You don't ever have to be afraid like that anymore," Emma whispered. "I know this isn't your first nightmare and it won't be the last. It doesn't matter if you wake up panicking. I will be here to comfort you and make you feel safe. It doesn't matter if I'm dead to the world asleep. You can wake me even if you just need me to hold you. I will never make you apologize or shame you."

The self loathing that was reflecting in those brown eyes faded and Emma could see the love and trust she held for her. Regina took a breath as if trying to ground herself. Her hands were still shaking and Emma took them into her own.

"Are you ready to head up to bed?" she asked.

Regina nodded and together they cleaned up the remnants of their tea, turned off the lights and headed up the stairs. They checked in on Henry to see him fast asleep before retiring to their room. They got ready for bed in silence. Regina had become quiet, lost in her headspace. Emma could still see the anxiousness in her so she tried distracting her, tried to get her to relax, but to no avail. She lied awake in the dark and when she got sick of lying in bed, she got up and claimed she had some work to finish.

Emma sat up in bed, watching as Regina fumbled around in the dark for her laptop.

"Regina, come back to bed," she urged. "What possibly needs to be done at this hour?"

"I need to make last minute preparations for my meeting with James tomorrow."

"I thought you were done."

"I'm not," she shot back, gathering her items and leaving the room. Emma could hear the anxiety in her voice. She was still so shaken up from her nightmare of Leopold. Emma got up and followed her to the study. She didn't find her at her desk like she expected to. Instead, Regina had the fire going in the hearth and was pacing in front of it, her hands shaking.

"Gina."

She startled at her name and looked up apprehensively at the woman standing by the door frame. Emma approached her and took her shaking hands.

"You're anxious," she stated.

"I can't stop thinking about my dream," she confessed.

"I have an idea," Emma said, moving to the record player and the familiar lyrics sounded in the room. It was the song that they had danced to the week they moved in. Regina let the melody wash over her as Emma took her in her arms and gently started swaying them to the music. She was as stiff as a board and Emma pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek.

"Breathe," she whispered in her ear. "Let the music wash over you. Listen to the lyrics and feel me holding you close. Breathe and focus on us dancing."

Regina took a breath and leaned into Emma, burying her face into her shoulder. She closed her eyes and breathed in her comforting scent. They were mostly just swaying then dancing. It was working though and Regina felt the anxiousness and whirring thoughts in her head starting to lesson. Her body finally relaxed and she sighed in relief.

"That's it," Emma whispered in her ear, pressing a kiss through her hair.

When the song had finished, Emma didn't bother stopping. She let the record play and continued to dance with Regina. She didn't push her to open up and talk about her nightmare or why it made her anxiety skyrocket. She simply just held her, trying to ground her and reassuring her she's ok.

It wasn't until the record was just about done was Regina starting to finally get tired. She pulled away and brought a palm to Emma's cheek and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Thank you," she whispered, dark eyes so exhausted and not just physically, but mentally. Emma could see it. She nodded, flashing her a small smile and took both her hands in hers.

"Do you want to try going to sleep now?" she asked, eyes glancing at the wall clock and realizing it was nearly 3 in the morning. They both needed to be up in just a few hours and Regina had a meeting to be at. Regina nodded and then suddenly looked guilty.

"I kept you up."

"Hey, it's fine," she assured her. "I've had nights where I didn't get any sleep and I've gotten through it. I'm more worried about you and your meeting tomorrow morning."

"The meeting, right," she sighed. "As long as Spencer isn't there, I'll be fine whether I've had a few hours of sleep or not."

"And he won't," Emma confirmed. "Campus security won't allow him on the property. And I'll be patrolling as well."

Regina nodded and once they put out the fire and turned off the music they were back in bed. Emma was worried Regina would still be unable to sleep. However, the moment her head hit the pillow, she was out and Emma hoped she wouldn't have another nightmare. This wasn't the first she's had since leaving Leopold, although this was the first Emma has seen her anxiety spiral after one. She cuddled into the sleeping brunette and kissed her forehead, letting sleep finally wash over her as well.

* * *

The alarm was blaring just a few hours later and Emma could have cried. She was so tired and was tempted to call David to cover her morning shift. She could use the extra hours of sleep after being up all night with Regina. She reached over to shut the alarm off and was surprised to see Regina's side of the bed empty. She frowned, her exhaustion pushed to the back of her mind as she got up to find her girlfriend. Regina usually had trouble finding the energy these days to get out of bed with no motivation to start her day, and considering the sleepless night they had, she was surprised to see her up before the alarm.

The bathroom was empty and when she went downstairs, there was no sign of the brunette. However she smelled the scent of coffee and figured maybe she was in the kitchen. To her disappointment, Regina wasn't there but a note was left by a freshly brewed pot of coffee.

_Good Morning Darling,_

_I had to get to campus early. See you at lunch._

_Love, Regina_

Emma's heart warmed at the note but something didn't sit right with her. By the time they made it to be bed it had been 3 in the morning. The alarm goes off at six. Did she wake up anxious again and decided to just leave early. That meant she only got around two hours of sleep at the most or less. Emma had been too knocked out to hear her get up or realize she was awake. Did she have another nightmare? She guessed she would have to wait till lunch to see how she was doing.

Today was going to be a long day with little to no sleep.

Emma made it to the station with coffee in hand. She relieved Mulan from the nightshift and went about her morning tasks. Once 11am rolled around, Emma was in the police cruiser and drove to campus. She was patrolling the area, making sure Spencer was nowhere near campus while Regina was in her meeting with James and the dean of education. Once the meeting was over, she'd head inside for lunch. She didn't have time to pick anything up so they would either get something in the student cafeteria or head out to Granny's instead.

She couldn't stop thinking about last night. The way Regina had come out of her nightmare haunted her. The fear in her eyes and the way she had panicked. The way her anxiety spiraled was frightening. And the fact that she didn't sleep worried her. She herself was used to going a night without sleep back when she was in the foster system and then the streets. She always got through it. Regina wasn't used to that and plus with her mental health, going without sleep couldn't be good. She felt so useless last night. It took her so long for her to comfort her and she couldn't help but once again question whether she was enough for her.

She started tearing up again. A single tear streamed down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away.

No, she couldn't let her fears consume her. They would get through this. Regina will get better. She just had to have faith as Mary Margaret liked to say.

It wasn't long till she felt her phone buzzing in her coat pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Regina informing her that the meeting was over and to meet her in her classroom. Emma parked the car in the student parking lot and headed into campus. She right away walked over to the political science and history building. Regina's classroom was on the third floor so she took the elevator and made a right down the hall to the right room. She knocked first so Regina knew she was coming in. She heard a muffled "come in" and opened the door. Regina was preparing the board for her next class when Emma walked in. The moment she approached her, Regina turned and kissed her cheek in greeting. Emma right away noticed the dark circles under her eyes as well as the exhaustion in her face.

"I'm sorry I missed you this morning."

"I didn't want to wake you," Regina explained and Emma gently placed a hand on her cheek.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked worriedly.

Regina backed away, suddenly feeling too vulnerable and resumed writing on the board with her back to Emma. She had been too weak last night or at least that was what she felt. She was trying to muster up the last of her shredded dignity at this point. Emma frowned at the way she pulled away from her and the sudden way she seemed to have closed herself off.

"How did your meeting go?" Emma asked, hoping a change of subject would help her open back up.

"James decided to drop out. Apparently he's only here because his uncle is forcing him. I think he's a good kid. He's just lost and having an uncle who is trying to dictate his life doesn't help."

"Good kid? I'll believe it when I see it."

Regina turned to her and started slipping on her coat so that they could start heading out.

"I think he has potential which is why I encouraged him to continue his education. He's smart but lazy. He just needs a push and someone to believe in him."

"And you believe in him?" Emma asked as she and Regina walked out of the classroom. She locked up and then took Emma's hand as they headed for the car.

"Of course I do. I may be a tough teacher but I do believe in all my students reaching their full potential. Look at Ruby. When she first took my class she failed miserably and was deciding school wasn't for her and maybe working in her Granny's diner was her future. I helped her realize she could do so much more, so the second time she took my class, she passed. Now she's taking the advanced course and passing with an A. These kids just need a little push and someone to believe in them."

"Wow, if I had a teacher like you maybe I would have gone to college. Maybe I would have stayed off the streets and never would have gotten in trouble because of Henry's father. I wouldn't have gone to jail. You know, having at least one person believe in you makes a world of difference especially when you're a lost kid." Emma grew sullen at that thought, her own past hanging over her like a dark cloud and then suddenly Regina tightened her hold on her hand in comfort.

"I believe in you and Henry does too," she whispered as they approached the police cruiser. Emma didn't know how she did it. She somehow always said the right thing to help push away the dark emotions of her past and made her feel wanted. She made her feel like she finally had a place in the world after years of rejection. She smiled and kissed her girlfriend on the lips. Regina leaned into it, wrapping her arms around her neck and then pulling away before it could escalate. She kissed Emma on the cheek and looked at her with loving brown eyes. The way in which she closed herself off earlier was worrisome. Now she seemed to have come out of it by the change of conversation. Emma wondered why she closed off in the first place. It had to be about last night.

"How long is your lunch?" she asked.

"An hour."

"How about we go home and have lunch so that you'll be able to close your eyes at least for a few minutes."

And like a switch, those loving brown eyes looked away and hardened. Once again she closed herself off and Emma could have cried right there. She couldn't coddle her though.

"Be honest, what time did you wake up this morning."

"It doesn't matter I'm fine," Regina claimed, her eyes full of annoyance when she turned her gaze back to her. She stepped back and crossed her arms as if she were suddenly feeling uneasy.

"Regina, please don't close yourself off to me."

"I'm not!"

Emma gave her a look and the brunette rolled her eyes.

"I don't know, just after 5," she mumbled irritably.

"You had two hours of sleep."

"It's not a big deal, Miss Swan."

"Miss Swan?" Emma asked defensively and then realized this conversation was quickly going to shit. Ok, so she needed to approach this differently or else she'll be getting this closed off version or Regina for the next few weeks and likely will be sleeping on the couch. She took a breath. "Ok, lets not argue. I'm just concerned. I'm not trying to attack you."

"You know what, I'm not hungry."

"Regina, don't do this," Emma pleaded, trying not to lose her patience. "You had a rough night with no sleep. I'm just worried. That's all. Please don't push me away. What's going on?"

Regina sighed in defeat, letting her walls down and looking at Emma with suddenly vulnerable eyes. She hadn't meant to shut her out. She was feeling vulnerable and her first instinct was to protect herself.

"Regina?" Emma whispered, taking a step toward her. Regina looked away.

"Last night made me feel less than weak," she whispered and Emma was instantly pulling her into her arms. She felt the tension melt away as Regina leaned into the embrace as if trying to soak up as much comfort as she can. Emma suddenly understood why she was shutting her out. She felt vulnerable from last night and of course she was pushing Emma away as a defense mechanism.

"Let's go home and talk," Emma suggested, pressing a kiss to the side of her temple and then guiding her to the car.

* * *

Once they were home and seated at the kitchen island with some sandwiches and salad, Emma let Regina lead the conversation at her own pace. She didn't want to push her. The anxiety she held from last night was back and Emma could see it in the way she fidgeted with her hands. She barely took a few bites of her food.

"I didn't mean to start an argument," Regina suddenly said after sitting in silence. Her eyes were fixated on her meal.

Emma looked at her, surprised that she said anything at all. She was convinced they were going to spend their lunch in silence and she'd have to wait till after work for Regina to say anything about what was going through her head.

"I'm sorry if you felt like I was backing you into a corner."

Regina looked at her.

"I was being defensive," she admitted softly. "Last night made me feel vulnerable. It's hard to admit that and I think that was why I was shutting you out."

If this wasn't progress, Emma wasn't sure what was. Here she was openly admitting her feelings when it was such a struggle before. It still is, but now she was able to admit it and talk about it.

"Do you want to talk about what happened in your nightmare?" she asked, getting to the root of why she felt vulnerable. Regina shook her head, her eyes back to her plate. She took a bite of her sandwich and waited a moment before speaking again.

"I think I was falling into another nightmare because I woke up this morning with my heart racing and I was feeling a sense of fear. I don't remember if I had dreamed of him again. I was anxious and I needed to get up, so I left."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I didn't want you to lose anymore sleep because of me."

"You know you could wake me," she reminded her. "I don't care how much sleep I lose. I want to be there for you."

Regina nodded and slowly made eye contact as if she were afraid of what she'll see. Emma frowned at that. Why was she feeling so ashamed at admitting all of this? She thought that she had reassured her of this last night.

"Regina, having nightmares is nothing to feel ashamed of. Feeling afraid, vulnerable, anxious are all normal reactions. Don't feel embarrassed."

"I'm embarrassed about the way I panicked last night. You shouldn't have had to see that."

"You panicked because you were afraid. I think you were still half asleep. For a moment your mind was still in that nightmare. Either way, like I said, nothing to be embarrassed about."

Regina wasn't entirely convinced. She could remember seeing the panic and tears on Emma's face when she finally started to come out of it. Emma was afraid too. "I frightened you," she stated.

"I was scared," Emma admitted honestly. "I was afraid because I couldn't snap you out of it right away and then I was angry, not at you but at Leopold. Your reaction showed me what it was like to be…" She stopped, unable to even continue that sentence.

"To be helpless," Regina finished for her and Emma looked at her stunned.

"I don't ever want you to feel helpless like that again," Emma whispered. "I don't ever want you to be hurt in the way that monster has hurt you."

The air had gotten thick with those words and Regina suddenly felt like the room was constricting her. She pushed her food away, no longer having an appetite. What Emma had said just made her feel so open and exposed. Emma frowned in concern.

"I think I better be getting back to campus."

"Ok, I can pick up Henry and take care of dinner today that way you can just come home and rest." She was slightly taken aback by the way she was shutting down once more. Although as she recounted what she had said, she could understand why Regina was suddenly clamming up.

"Thank you Emma," she replied as she got up and took her plate to the counter. Emma followed her with her own dish and set it down as well. They were standing face to face and Emma looked into her eyes. She didn't want to leave her like this. She didn't want her to be emotionally closed up as they parted ways for the afternoon. Maybe she shouldn't have been so blunt and cursed herself for her word choice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt," she confessed. "Please don't shut me out again."

"I'm s…" she stopped apologizing at the look Emma gave her. She took a breath instead and tried to loosen herself up. She hadn't meant to stiffen up and emotionally block Emma. Those words just really threw her off guard.

"Can I kiss you?" Emma asked, wanting to relieve them of the sudden tension that bestowed over the room.

Regina didn't even respond to that. Instead, she was the one leaning in and initiating the kiss. Emma wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer so they were flushed against each other. She felt the tension finally leave the room and Regina melting into her. Emma groaned as the kiss was starting to get heated. It wasn't until she felt like her lungs were about to burst from the lack of oxygen did they finally pull away. Regina then started kissing her neck and Emma knew if they kept this up it would lead to something else that they didn't have time for. As much as she wanted to, they were going to be late to work. Emma pulled away from Regina who looked at her disappointedly. She took her hands and kissed her knuckles.

"As much as I'd love to take you upstairs and show you just how much I love you, we're going to be late."

Regina gave her mischievous smile, her dark eyes gleaming and Emma couldn't help but kiss her once more.


	16. Chapter 15 Tainted Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - talk of abuse/ consensual sex

The house was quiet when Regina came home that afternoon. Emma and Henry would be arriving any minute. She was exhausted, the sleepless night finally catching up to her. She was grateful Emma offered to pick up Henry and take care of dinner. All she wanted to do was sleep. She went into her study and decided to get some work done first before taking a quick nap. She sat down at her desk and pulled out her lesson planning portfolio. She opened it to see the drawing she's been working on. It wasn't done. She gently brushed a finger over the penciled lines of the image that represented the mental battle going on inside of her. She had seen Emma eyeing it curiously although she knew she'd never ask or force her to share it. She wasn't sure if she ever would. Maybe this drawing would only be for her.

She carefully slid it into a drawer and started her work. She tried to stay focused, but it was nearly impossible when she couldn't stop thinking about last night and this morning. Emma has been so patient and understanding with her and she loved her for it. Her nightmare, the cause of why her anxiety spiraled, still lingered in her mind. It felt so real and for a moment she really did believe she was back in that mansion with Leopold until Emma's voice pulled her out of it.

She could still see him.

The anger in his cold eyes. His voice yelling in her face. She could still feel the raw fear within her. She remembered the pain when he… She shook her head, not wanting to think about him because then her anxiety would spiral again. She tried her best to focus and managed to get at least some work done by the time Emma and Henry finally came home. She can hear them talking and laughing as they deposited their shoes and coats by the door.

"Mom?" Henry came into the study and ran over to her, engulfing her in a tight hug.

"How was school?" she asked, holding him close and then pulling away to look at him. Emma came in and smiled at them, watching them from the doorway.

"It was ok. The art fair is coming up and I wanted to ask if you and Emma would like to come?"

"Art fair?" Emma asked in confusion coming in and starting the hearth. It was cold in here and Regina had realized she had been so distracted thinking about last night to realize it.

"Of course," Regina replied and then looked at her girlfriend. "Every year, the school has an art fair where the children display their projects. Would you like to join us, my love?"

"I'd love to!" Emma exclaimed excitedly.

"Yes!" Henry whooped and then with instruction from Regina he rushed out so he could grab his homework.

Emma came over once they were alone. She wanted to check in on her before Henry came back. She knelt to her level and kissed her cheek. Regina leaned into the affection.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm having trouble focusing," Regina confessed. "I think the sleepless night is catching up to me."

"I can help Henry with his math," she offered. "Why don't you go upstairs and close your eyes."

"You're sweet Emma, but you already picked him up and you're taking care of dinner. I don't want you to be overwhelmed and besides I really don't mind."

Emma nodded, kissing her once more but this time on the lips. Henry walked in at that moment with his backpack and grabbed his little foldable wooden desk and set it up at the couch. He took a seat and started pulling out his homework.

"Ready," he called out and Emma pulled away with a warm smile.

"I'll be fixing us some pasta again. Unfortunately, I'm not as skilled in the cooking department and some of us here are."

"Pasta is perfect," Regina chuckled and with one last kiss, the younger woman left mother and son alone. Regina stood and came over to sit beside Henry. "So what do we have here today?" she asked. Henry showed her the assignment.

While he was gifted in the arts, math wasn't his strong suit and Regina made sure to sit with him each day and help him understand the material so he doesn't fall behind. He's improved greatly since he was a small child and she had first realized he was struggling in the subject. She could remember when Henry first brought home a math assignment with an F mark. He was in first grade. He was so upset and worried about what his adoptive father would do. Regina never even told Leopold. She didn't want him bullying her son for a bad grade. So instead, she kept it between them. She had comforted him and encouraged him. She sat him down each day after school and they went over the problems one by one. He's gotten alot better but he still had trouble trusting his work before finding the answer.

She explained the problem to him and did a few examples before having him work on the first homework problem. He was halfway through when she saw him hesitating.

"No, no don't stop. You're on the right track," she encouraged.

"Are you sure?" he asked nervously.

"Trust your instincts," she reminded him and watched proudly as he continued the problem correctly. She sat back watching him work. She was so exhausted. She couldn't even focus on finishing her lesson plans. She stumbled her way through Henry's homework. He didn't notice that she had caught herself almost making a few mistakes in the examples she did with him. Her head felt like it was filled with cotton. Her eyes felt heavy. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just close them for a moment while Henry worked.

She was out like a light.

"Mom?" Henry looked up at her when he had finished. She had been so quiet and now he could see why. She was asleep. He thought that was odd. He was about to wake her but then stopped. It was strange for her to sleep like this in the day. Maybe something was wrong. He got up and rushed to the kitchen.

"Ma!" he sounded so worried that Emma whipped around from her position by the stove.

"What's wrong?" she asked, picking up on his tone.

"Mom fell asleep on the couch. Is she ok?"

The tension Emma suddenly held in her shoulders dropped and she breathed a sigh of relief. She thought something had happened. Turns out the brunette could no longer fight her exhaustion.

"She's just exhausted from last night. She had trouble sleeping after we had gone upstairs." She left out the part of Regina's nightmare and anxiety. She didn't want to worry him.

"Oh, ok." His shoulders slumped. She put the pilot on simmer and came over to him, kneeling to his level like Regina always does.

"She's ok, kid. She just had a rough night. Did you finish your math?"

Henry nodded.

"Why don't you bring in your drawings and sit here in the kitchen with me while I cook. I could use the company." He agreed and as he rushed upstairs to grab his supplies, Emma went into the study.

The sight before her melted her heart. Regina was sitting on the couch with her head back, completely knocked out. She looked so exhausted. She put Henry's books and folder along with his homework back in his bag and set it in the corner. She folded the wooden table and put it away and then went and grabbed a throw blanket and couch pillow from the living room. When she came back in, she set the pillow down on the end of the couch and set the blanket on the floor for a moment.

She came over to Regina, being careful not to wake her as she slipped her heels off and gently moved her so that was laying down with her head on the pillow. She couldn't imagine that pencil skirt and blouse was comfortable to sleep in but she really didn't want to risk waking her when she was finally getting some much needed sleep. She draped the blanket over her and then knelt before her, her hand gently reaching out and caressing her cheek. Her thumb lingered on the scar upon her lip. The one Leopold had bestowed with his ring. She leaned in and gently kissed it and then kissed her forehead.

"No bad dreams this time, love," she whispered and then got up, turned off the lamp so only the light from the fireplace lit the room. She made sure the fireplace had enough wood and then quietly left the room, leaving the door slightly open. Regina had told her once that Leopold used to lock her in his cold study all the time especially when her face was too bruised up and he didn't want Henry or anyone else seeing her. She didn't want her to wake up to a closed door.

When she came back into the kitchen Henry was already sitting at the breakfast island and working on his drawings. She checked the food and then sat beside him. She looked over at the drawing he was finishing. The one of the Queen that resembled Regina. The detail was amazing. He captured her eyes perfectly. Warm, dark eyes that one can get lost in. She can see the depth of emotion in them that Regina often carried. She had never met anyone who was so expressive with their eyes.

"Wow, she's so beautiful," she whispered, once again so amazed at her son's talent. She wondered where he got it from. Definitely not from her or Neal. Maybe from one of her parents that she's never met. "Where did you learn to draw like this, kid?"

Henry shrugged.

"I wanted to put a picture to my stories so I just practiced a lot and then my mom let me take art classes at school when she saw how good I was at it."

"You know how proud she is of you?"

"I do now," he confessed.

* * *

When dinner was ready and the table was set, Emma went to go wake Regina. As much as she wanted to let her sleep, she knew it was best to wake her for dinner and plus she probably wouldn't sleep tonight if she was out the rest of the evening. She walked into the study to see Regina still asleep on the couch and cuddled under the blanket. She came over and knelt to her level, kissing her cheek and then her lips. Regina stirred at the contact and Emma pulled away to see brown eyes flutter open.

"Nice nap?" she asked as Regina sat up, taking in her surroundings and then stretching. Emma stood.

"I fell asleep," she realized. "How long have I've been out."

"A couple hours. Dinner is ready if you like to join us."

"Thank you Emma," Regina smiled and got to her feet. She took her girlfriend's hand and let her lead her to the dining room where Henry was patiently waiting. Even if it was just a couple of hours, it made a difference. She felt so much better. She probably could have slept longer, but she knew it was best not to sleep the afternoon away otherwise she'll ruin her sleep schedule.

She took a seat and gratefully served herself some pasta and salad.

"Are you feeling better mom?" Henry asked.

"I am," she responded in between bites of her salad. "I apologize for falling asleep. Were you able to finish your homework on your own?"

"Yup, but could you check it later and make sure it's right?"

"Of course, honey."

"So about that art fair, what do you plan on making, Henry?" Emma asked.

"I don't know yet I'm still creating my list of ideas."

"Your fairytale drawings are beautiful," Regina suggested.

"I know but I feel like I just want to keep those for us. I'm not quite ready to share those with everyone."

"That's understandable," Regina responded. "When you decide something let us know and we'll take you to the crafts store, but no waiting until the last minute."

"Got it," Henry chuckled. Regina's eyes gleamed and Emma frowned in confusion. Did she miss something? Regina must have seen her expression because she looked over at her.

"A few years ago, Henry waited until the weekend before the fair. I was busy with work and it totally slipped my mind as well. Needless to say, we spent the whole weekend putting together a model of a dragon. I can tell you, it did not come out as majestic as we hoped it would."

"But we got to stay up late and eat popcorn!" he exclaimed like it was the best time he had in his life. "It was so fun, but mom was cranky Monday morning."

Regina rolled her eyes affectionately and then suddenly became solemn as she remembered Leopold's attitude at the whole scenario. He had been livid. So livid in fact he had scared Henry so bad. He had started criticizing his love for the arts and insisting he start reading more political books. Regina had stood up for him, yelled back at her husband to leave him alone. Of course he wouldn't try anything with Henry watching, so he backed off and demanded for her to deal with this. She soothed Henry's tears and took him out of the house and straight to the crafts store. He had been seven at the time. She did her best to cheer him up and make him forget all about his yelling angry father. They spent the whole weekend, staying up late trying to make the impossible happen. Of course she had paid for it severely when it was all over. Henry must have been remembering as well because he too became quiet and stirred his food around with his fork. Emma immediately picked up on the change of mood.

She missed something again.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Dad wasn't too happy about it," Henry shrugged. Regina was suddenly not looking at anyone. She was fixated on her plate, her fork absentmindedly playing with her food.

"Gina?" Emma called her, seeing her starting to dissociate from the conversation. She knew what was supposed to be a funny memory was tainted by her ex husband's anger. She didn't respond. Her gaze was still fixated downwards and so Emma got up and hugged her from behind, holding her close to her body in order to make her feel something.

"Breathe," she whispered in her ear, completely aware of Henry watching them. She looked up to meet his worried gaze.

"Henry, come over here." Henry rushed up from his seat and was hugging his mom in seconds. Regina jumped and then relaxed. Emma felt her taking a deep breath.

"I… I didn't mean to disengage from the conversion," Regina stuttered, her hands suddenly shaking and Emma could feel the anxiety rolling off of her in waves. Emma and Henry released her and Emma knelt beside her and took her shaking hands.

"That was supposed to be a happy memory," Emma stated, looking into her eyes. "I'm sorry he took that from you and Henry and I know this one isn't the only one he's tainted."

"It's not," she confirmed. "But it's not healthy to dwell on that. I disrupted dinner."

"You're not dwelling. You're processing," Emma clarified and then brought up her hands and kissed her knuckles, willing them to stop shaking. "And you're not disrupting dinner." As if to prove that, Emma got up and sat back down. Henry followed suit and they started eating as if nothing happened.

Regina felt the anxiety lesson and she was able to take a bite of her pasta. Emma hid a little smile of approval as she took a bite of her food as well.

The conversation took a turn and soon the anxiety she had felt eventually faded and her hands had stopped shaking. They talked about the art fair some more and then on to some random silly topics that Henry had steered them to. Soon enough, night had fallen and it was time to turn in.

Henry was out after one story, so Regina placed the book on the nightstand, got up from the bed and tucked him in. She kissed his forehead, whispering good night in his ear before shutting off the lights and leaving the room. Emma was waiting in their bed when she walked in, fully immersed with her book. She didn't even notice Regina walking in until she was on the bed and straddling the blonde. The book fell to the floor forgotten. Emma's hands started sliding up and down her sides, lingering on her behind a little too long.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Regina asked, not giving her time to respond as she leaned in to kiss her. Emma readjusted her so that she was lying on top of her. This incredible woman had gone out of her way today to make her feel better after a rough night. She wanted to take care of her too. To show her how much she loved her. How much she needed her in this very moment.

"I think you just did," Emma whispered when they finally pulled away, their lips so close they could feel each other's breaths. The brunette smiled and then started kissing her neck, making the blonde squirm beneath her. Emma suddenly became hyper aware of the knee that had suddenly lodged itself between her legs and the room became hot. They were wearing too much clothes. She slipped off Regina's blazer. She pulled away from Regina's kisses that were trailing down her chest in order to unbutton her blouse.

Regina let out a frustrated groan.

"Sorry babe, but you're wearing too much clothes."

"Well, let's definitely do something about that," she said, sitting up and allowing Emma to slide the material off her shoulders. She pulled off the camisole she was wearing under and Emma immediately cupped her lace covered breasts. Regina moaned into the touch, her hands finding the edge of Emma's nightshirt and pulling it over her head. She was delighted to see she wasn't wearing a bra underneath.

"So beautiful," she murmured, leaning in to take a nipple into her mouth. She spent a lot of time sucking and kissing until Emma could no longer take it. She could feel how wet she was against her thigh. Suddenly warm fingers were sliding up and down her back and unclasping her bra. Emma pulled her bra away from her and dropped it on the floor beside her forgotten novel. Hands were suddenly cupping and kneading her breast and Regina moaned at the contact.

"Regina…" Emma's pleas came out as a strangled whisper. "I need you." She then started fumbling with her skirt and Regina quickly helped her slide it off. Soon enough they were both naked and Regina was trailing kisses along her inner thigh. A hand tangled in her dark hair, gently massaging her scalp. Emma never pulled her hair no matter how intense it got. Even when she was lost in her pleasure she always was aware of being gentle.

"Gina…"

Regina chuckled against warm sensitive skin and that was enough to make Emma squirm closer to her mouth. She finally decided to stop teasing and kissed her where she needed it most. Emma bucked at the contact. She lapped and sucked until Emma was sputtering nonsense and then finally entered her with two fingers.

"Oh, yes! Right there!" Emma gasped and Regina could tell she was desperately trying to stay quiet for Henry's sake. "God! You're incredible."

The confidence boost had her up her game and soon enough Emma was coming undone. She fell back against the pillows, her legs shaking and Regina helped her ride out her pleasure. When she seemed to have enough and couldn't take anymore, she reached down and guided the brunette up to her, kissing her hard. She slid a hand down, feeling how aroused Regina had become. She started nudging her so she could get on top and that was when she saw it. It was subtle but Emma saw it. For a moment Regina stiffened at the aspect of being on the bottom. Regina didn't seem to no longer have a problem with being beneath her unless the nightmare had brought some memories back. She still had no idea what the dream had been about. Regina didn't want to talk about it.

"Hey, love, are you ok?" she asked worriedly, wanting to check in before going further. The brunette nodded, although she could see something was bothering her. Emma moved them so they were laying side by side instead. She kissed her lips and pulled away to look into those suddenly hesitant dark eyes. She pulled her close and intertwined their thighs so they were flushed against each other. Regina trembled in pleasure at the feeling of their sex touching. "Is this position better?" she asked, hoping her assumption of Regina not being comfortable on her back tonight was correct.

In response, Regina started moving, grinding her core against Emma's deliciously. Emma's eyes widened as waves of pleasure hit her still sensitive clit. Regina buried her face into her neck, kissing and sucking as Emma's hand descended and stroked her.

"You always seem to know what I need," Regina whispered in awe as if she couldn't believe it. Emma held her tighter, upping her pace as Regina started getting more erratic.

"You're so beautiful," Emma whispered in her ear. "You feel so good. That's it. Let go." She took a breast in her mouth, sucking her nipple and feeling Regina letting go and cumming hard. Emma let go of her nipple and kissed her as she rode out her orgasm, rolling her hips against Regina's until she herself rode out her own wave of pleasure.

Regina had fallen asleep after, curled under the blankets against Emma. She was so exhausted after that she barely even mumbled a few words before she was out. Emma gently stroked her hair, lost in her thoughts as Regina finally slept.

It's been a long day.

Emma figured she should probably get some sleep herself, although it was impossible when her mind was racing with all that has happened recently.


	17. Chapter 16 The Art Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay. I fell down a deep dark hole of writers block.

Days turned to weeks and soon enough the day of the school art fair had arrived. Booths were set up outside displaying all sorts of different artwork. Streamers and balloons were put up as well. There was a generous table filled with punch, pizza, sandwiches, snacks and candies. It was early in the afternoon. School had let out early for the fair, so that meant Regina had to cancel her afternoon class. She only ever canceled her classes if the reason was for Henry. Emma was on her way soon. She was just wrapping up some stuff at the station. She walked through all the displays, marvelling at some of them. Some were creative and extremely well done, while other projects looked as if they could have definitely used more time to be worked on. Nevertheless, they were all amazing.

That was when she heard it.

That irritating high pitch voice that made her blood boil. Her heart rate sped up and she clenched her fists. Of course Mary Margaret was by Henry's display. She stood rooted to her spot, hesitating to go over. She wanted to be there with Henry but that damn girl was hovering around the display like a vermin. And to make it worse David was there with her and she felt a tight uneasiness in her chest. She was still nervous around him.

"Mom! Over here!" Henry spotted her and was waving at her. She jumped a little and took a breath to compose herself. She tried to control the anger flowing through her veins.

She walked over, not making eye contact with the younger woman.

"Hi, Regina. I'm so glad you could make it," she smiled.

"Of course I would," she sneered. "Why would you think I wouldn't." She hugged her son and marveled at his work. He had stuck to his drawings after all. He displayed his fairytale characters however he left out the drawings of the Good Queen and her Knight.

"They're so beautiful Henry," she praised him, hugging him once more. She was so proud of him. She nearly forgot about the unwanted company until the younger woman spoke.

"He's very talented."

She closed her eyes in frustration before turning to look at the other woman. David seemed to have sensed the tension between the two because he was steering Henry away to another booth.

"Yes, he is. Is there a particular reason you're trying to make small talk with me?"

"I just want to know how you're doing. I haven't seen or spoke to you since the morning in the diner. I'm sorry that I upset you."

Regina let out a sigh of frustration. She didn't want to do this here. She didn't want to cause a scene and ruin the fair for Henry. So she swallowed her anger and tried to be the bigger person.

"I'm fine," she said, her tone clipped and closed off. Her eyes suddenly averted and Mary Margaret looked at her in concern as she emotionally closed herself off to her.

"Regina, I know I overstepped. I shouldn't have asked you to be in my wedding. I know we're not there yet and should have been more considerate."

"Thank you for the apology, but see that's just it. You and I will never be there. Nothing you do or say will change anything." She spoke with so much venom in her words that Mary Margaret took a step back. Her eyes misted over as she looked at the woman she had loved so dearly so long ago and still does.

"I understand," she whispered, her voice shaking. Regina could see her eyes welling up with tears and she fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I just… I have something I need to attend to in my classroom."

She briskly walked away passing by a concerned David. Henry was too occupied in marveling over the Venn diagrams to notice the sudden tension. He walked over to Regina and she took a step back.

"What did you say to her?" He asked, his eyes flickering in the direction his fiancée disappeared to.

"Why do you assume it's something I said?" She sneered with the same venom in her voice as when she spoke to Mary Margaret. David gave her a look and she huffed in annoyance. She could see the deputy losing patience. She took another step back, something close to fear stirring in her belly. She shoved her suddenly shaking hands in her coat pocket.

"I know you two won't get over your differences, but it's not an excuse to be so rude to her," he told her, his eyes flashing and then he rushed after the upset school teacher. Regina scoffed at his audacity and then looked over to where Henry was watching her with wide eyes. To her dismay, Emma was beside him. No doubt she saw the whole exchange.

"Give us a sec kid," Emma said to Henry and then walked over to a stunned Regina.

"I'm not apologizing to her," the fiery brunette growled out when Emma approached her.

"I wasn't asking you to," Emma said calmly. She didn't see the whole exchange. She had just walked up to Henry when she noticed him watching David tell Regina off. In fact she was a little shocked. David was always so patient and understanding with Regina no matter how nasty she got with his fiance or how nervous she was in his presence. "What happened?"

"Mary Margaret and I had some words."

_Well that explains it_ , Emma thought. "Look, let's not ruin Henry's day. He's been talking about this non stop. Do you need a moment?"

"No," Regina took a breath, letting go of the anger that had rooted inside her. "I'm sorry if I caused a scene." She brushed a piece of dark hair behind her ear with a shaking hand and Emma immediately caught it. She took her hands and looked into anxious dark eyes.

"Breathe," she said softly, not liking how anxious she was becoming. David's frustration wasn't lost on Emma or the fact that it had triggered Regina. She didn't blame either of them. She just wanted to calm the suddenly shaking woman before her.

At that moment Henry suddenly rushed over and hugged his mother, causing her to let go of Emma's hands. "Mom, are you ok?" he asked worriedly. She gave him a small smile.

"Yes, sweetheart, I'm sorry," she said, genuinely sounding ashamed that she had let things escalate when she hadn't meant to.

"Hey, kid why don't you show us your work?" Emma asked, wanting to steer Regina onto a safer topic. Henry happily bounded over to the table where his drawings were displayed. It seemed to work because mother and son became immersed with not only Henry's booth but all the others.

Emma actually took a moment to slip away, kissing Regina's cheek and whispering she was going to find a bathroom. She wanted to check in on her friend. She headed to the classroom, hoping the school teacher was still there. She didn't see what happened but from the look on David's face, she guessed Regina had said something to hurt his fiance. He's never lost his patience with Regina before. The hostility between the two women seemed to be getting worse. Regina flared up just at the mention of Mary Margaret.

She walked in to see Mary Margaret pacing by her desk, clearly upset. David was trying to talk her down.

"I don't know what else to do!" the brunette practically sob, sounding on the verge of frustrated tears. "We're getting worse. Her anger towards me is escalating and I don't even know how to fix this."

"Hey, look at me," he said, stepping in front of her and stopping her pacing. He took her hands. "She's angry. She's hurt and I know right now seems impossible that you two could ever reconcile, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on her."

"How are you so patient with her? She's terrified of you."

"I wasn't today," he admitted with a sigh.

Emma took that opportunity to knock on the threshold of the door, causing the couple to look at her.

"Emma?" Mary Margaret looked at her in surprise.

"Hey, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I didn't exactly see what happened."

"Just Regina being Regina," Mary Margaret's voice shook with a threatening sob. David placed a comforting hand on her back. "It's getting worse Emma. I don't expect to ever be friends or anything more. But I at least want to be civil with each other."

"I know she's getting worse with you. And David, I don't blame you for losing your patience when you've been nothing but patient. Her anger towards you is escalating and I don't know what to do."

"A session with Archie maybe?" Even as the words tumbled from her mouth, Mary Maragret was still unsure of the idea. "With the both of us together."

"That sounds like a recipe for disaster," David said.

"At this point what other choice do we have? Either we try or we could consider just moving out of town."

Both the Sheriff and the deputy looked at the school teacher in shock.

"This is your home. Henry is your family. You're just going to move out of his life? He loves you guys," Emma stated, reeling from the idea of her first genuine friend moving from Storybrooke

"We'd be moving our whole lives," David realized, just as shocked as Emma.

"Regina thinks I ruined her life. If I wasn't there at that party that night, she would have never been on that road. We would have never got into that accident and Daniel would have been alive. Her life would have been different. She would have been happy. She never would have been forced to marry my father."

"But Cora was the one that sold her to him," Emma reminded her.

"Because my father blackmailed them all because I was hurt and he thought he was going to lose me like he lost my mother. Emma, maybe it's best if we just leave."

"That's running away," Emma stated.

"No," the brunette disagreed. "I can't force her to let go of the past. I can't force her to forgive me or even so much as have a civil conversation. Maybe this is it."

"But you were like sisters."

"Those girls don't exist anymore," she sadly realized and then looked at David. "I know moving is a big change, but let's at least consider it after the wedding."

"Let's schedule a session with Archie and then we'll consider other options," he said, taking her hands and squeezing them. He looked so defeated. Moving was the last thing any of them wanted. He then looked at Emma. "Will she even agree to it?"

"Honestly no, but we still have to try."

* * *

Emma made it back to Henry and Regina without casting suspicion as to why she was gone so long. They had been so occupied by the different displays to notice she was gone longer than she should have been. Emma tried to share along in their enthusiasm but it was difficult. Her mind wasn't here. She was worrying about having to talk to Regina about what she had just discussed with David and Mary Margaret. It wasn't going to end well. Regina's anger towards the younger brunette flared up even at just the mention of her name. She also knew this anger had to be addressed.

Regina seemed to have picked up on her concern because she kept glancing over at her worriedly. It wasn't her until her hands started shaking did Emma discreetly pull her aside when Henry was distracted.

"Are you upset with me?" Regina asked right away.

"No," she assured her. "Let's talk when we get home. Let's not ruin Henry's day."

"Emma…" She looked so scared and Emma realized what was going on here. Regina was terrified of getting in trouble. She knew this was a result of Leopold "putting her in her place". She needed to reassure her even if she really was feeling frustrated over the whole Mary Margaret scenario.

"Ok, I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't go to the bathroom. I went to go check in on Mary Margaret and David."

"What?" Regina hissed.

"She was upset," Emma explained. "And she has a right to feel upset just like you have a right to be angry at her, but Regina it's starting to get worse. Don't you see that?"

Regina shook her head, her eyes full of hurt as if Emma had betrayed her.

"I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm just worried. We could try having a session with Archie so you two could have professional guidance."

"What if I don't want to," Regina asked, her voice shaking.

"Well then we won't go through with it. You have a choice here Regina and I won't ever take that from you, but the anger needs to be addressed."

Regina took a deep breathe as if she were trying to ground herself. Emma could see her letting go of the frustration as she looked into worried green eyes.

"Can I think about this first when I'm in a better headspace?" she asked quietly.

Emma nodded, noticing how she addressed her state of mind. That had to account as more progress. She then realized Regina had shoved her hands in her pocket, a sign they had been shaking. She was anxious and Emma reached out to soothe her. She gently took her gloved hands from her coat and squeezed them.

"I'm not upset with you," she whispered, wanting to assure her that no one was here to punish her for letting her anger over Mary Margaret consume her. Leopold wasn't here to "put her in her place" whenever he felt she stepped out of line. Regina looked down, unable to meet her eyes. "Regina?"

"I was out of line. I'm sorry." It sounded so robotic as if she was accustomed to apologizing.

"Look at me Gina," Emma whispered, wanting her to snap out of whatever dark mindset she suddenly fell into. Dark eyes slowly looked up. "Whatever Leopold ingrained in you whenever you act like the tough Professor Mills I first met, is wrong. I think he was intimidated by you and that's why he always knocked you down. You're a strong powerful woman who can get what she wants with a single look. Hell, you terrified me the moment I first met you. Don't let him take that from you."

Regina nodded but didn't say a word as Henry bounded over to them.

"Can I spend the weekend with the Zimmerman twins?" he asked, brown eyes pleading up at them.

"I'm ok with it if you are," Emma looked at Regina.

"Do you have any homework and tests due for monday?" she asked.

"Nope, can I? I'll be back Sunday afternoon. Plenty of time to rest before school."

"Alright darling, you may," she smiled at his excitement.

"Yes!" He hugged them each and ran off to rejoin his two best friends.

"Sooo… date night?" Emma asked hopefully.

* * *

After dropping Henry off later that evening, Emma eagerly drove back home. She and Regina decided to take advantage of the evening alone. Despite what had happened at the fair, Regina's spirit seemed to be lifted at the anticipation of their date. Emma had gotten ready in nice dark jeans and a blouse. Regina had still been getting ready and at the same time calling different places for a reservation, so she had offered to take Henry real quick and then pick her up. When she got home, she parked the bug and went inside. However she was surprised at what she found. The lights were off in the living room but the fire was going. Candles were spread out and a blanket had been set on the floor in front of the hearth. A tray of cheese and fruit was set out along with a bottle of red wine and two glasses. Regina was sitting and waiting for her. She looked so beautiful. She wore a black dress. Her hair was curled at the ends and her make up and red lipstick were flawless.

A whispered "Wow" was all she could muster. Regina smirked and stood. She came over to Emma, the small height difference noticeable as Regina wasn't wearing her usual heels. She kissed her lips and looked into her green eyes.

"I hope this is ok," she said. "I couldn't get a last minute reservation anywhere."

"This is perfect," she smiled, finally figuring out how to speak again. She let Regina lead her to the blanket and they both sat side by side. Regina leaned in, capturing her lips and bringing her hands up to cup her face. Emma moaned into the kiss, loving the warm feeling of Regina's body against hers. When they pulled away they were breathless. Regina's eyes were dark and Emma shivered at the intensity at which she looked at her.

They poured themselves some wine and took turns feeding each other pieces of fruit. Emma thought this was way better than sitting in a restaurant full of people. She preferred being alone with her girlfriend in the privacy of their own home. Regina looked at her, her eyes warm and contemplating as if something was on her mind.

"What is it?" Emma asked, her hand squeezing Regina's thigh.

"How are you so patient with me? Especially after today?"

Emma wasn't expecting the turn in conversation. She was caught a little bit off guard, but was quick to answer.

"I love you," she took her hand and kissed it. "I love our kid." She kissed her cheek. "And I love our home, our family and I want you to be happy and loved." She kissed her lips and when she pulled away she saw Regina's eyes had become teary. "We have a connection," she explained more seriously. "We understand each other. We were both lost and unwanted for a long time and then we found each other. You're the only one who's ever understood my past and I trust you. Just like I know you trust me with your heart after everything you've been through."

"I think that was why I was so afraid to let you in at the beginning. I was afraid of having hope."

"I know you don't see it now but you're making progress. You're opening up more. Isn't that something to be proud of?"

Regina shrugged.

Now that her earlier anger over her former stepdaughter diminished, she was starting to regret the way she had lashed out at her. Mary Margaret was only trying to make conversation with her.

"I seemed to have taken a step back today," she looked away in shame. Her eyes fixated on the flames in the hearth. She felt Emma take her hand and she slowly met her eyes again.

"Give her a chance to redeem herself," she encouraged. "I know it's hard and I can't possibly understand the damage that she's caused. No one is expecting you to be friends with her again. We just want to help you let go of the anger towards her."

Letting go of the anger.

How could she possibly even let it go and resume her life like nothing happened. For a while, it was all she had. Now, she has a family who loves her and for the first time, a future. They were what kept her going and dared her to hope that she can get past all the darkness and pain from her past.

"Ok," she nodded.


	18. Chapter 17 Let Me Breathe

Regina woke up with a jolt, sitting up quickly in bed. Her heart was racing and her hands shook in fear as the last remnants of her nightmare faded from her mind. She had been dreaming of him again. Even when she no longer lived with him and he was locked up, he still haunted her, lurking in the shadows. She suppressed a sob, burying her face in her hands and trying to breathe in the dark room.

_He's gone. It was just a nightmare_ , she thought as she tried to control her fast breaths. Anxiety was taking root and she knew she wouldn't be getting anymore sleep. She pulled her hands away from her face and looked at the alarm clock. It was early in the morning. Early enough where the sun hasn't risen yet. She looked down at the blonde sleeping beside her. She didn't want to wake her. They had been up late last night and not because of enjoyable adult activities. Regina was too anxious to sleep. Her insomnia seemed to be getting worse lately.

She got up from the bed and headed down to the study. Maybe she should get some work done. She lit the fireplace and sat at her desk. After updating a few things here and there on her computer, she realized for the first time in her life she was caught up in lesson plans and grading. She shut the computer in frustration and then looked into the flames of the hearth. She felt her heart racing once more. This time with anxiousness instead of fear. She was shaking again and so she stood from her seat. She paced in front of the fireplace, not knowing how to calm herself. She couldn't stop thinking about her nightmare as well as the session she was having today. She felt so overwhelmed and didn't know what to do.

"Regina?"

She stopped her pacing and looked up to see a sleepy blonde by the doorway. Emma looked at her with worried green eyes.

"I couldn't sleep," she whispered and Emma came over and pulled her into her embrace. Regina held on tightly, soaking in the warmth and safety she craved whenever Emma held her.

"You're safe," she whispered, pressing a kiss below her ear.

"He was here," Regina whispered. "Everytime I close my eyes I see him."

"He can't hurt you anymore," Emma assured her, pulling away to look at her. She reached out, caressing her cheek. "We have a few hours until Henry is up. Do you want to sit in the living room with some tea? We could talk, read, watch tv or sit quietly."

"I could use some tea," Regina nodded. "Can we just sit?"

"Come on," Emma smiled softly, leading her to the living room. Regina sat on the couch while Emma went into the kitchen. She prepared two mugs of tea and then rejoined the brunette back in the living room. She set the mugs on the coffee table, taking notice of Regina's tense posture and the way she anxiously wrung her hands. Her dark eyes looked tired from the lack of sleep she's been having. Emma sat beside her.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" she asked. Regina shook her head. She wasn't making eye contact. Emma could see her anxiety rising with each second. It was as if she was working herself up on saying something unspoken

"Can I ask you something?" she finally asked and Emma frowned at the sudden detached tone in her voice.

"Of course, love."

"I've thought alot about what you said two weeks ago about me letting my anger go for Mary Margaret…" She finally looked at her and Emma's breath hitched at the intensity of emotion and hurt in those brown eyes. "Why do I have to let it go? Why when I am left with all the mental and physical repercussions of what her father did to me. Her actions and lack of consequences led to me being... abused… raped," she whispered those last words. "You're asking me to let go of my trauma."

Emma's mouth hung open in shock at Regina's words. That was not what she had intended. She just wanted to help her and in doing so she was only hurting her.

"That's not what I intended…"

"I know," Regina's chin wobbled, her eyes filled with unshed tears but she held them in. "I just need you to see my side here. I'm not asking to stop being friends with her or take sides. I just need you to understand. I can't keep having this fight with you, Emma."

"I'm trying my best here love, but I see what you've been trying to tell me all along. I won't pressure you into making amends. I just… Family is something that I never had and when I found that with you, Henry, and Mary Margaret, I was so afraid of losing it. I didn't realize I was trying so hard to keep it together. Back when I first arrived at Storybrooke, and you and I were fighting, Mary Margaret was the first person I learned to trust and confide in and I was afraid of losing her as well. I'm sorry I was blind to what was really going on here. I didn't realize how much I was hurting you."

"For now on…" Regina turned to face her, sitting cross legged on the couch and taking her hands. "Let me get through this at my own pace. No more trying to get Mary Margaret and I to reconcile. I can't ever see that happening, but if it does it has to be on my terms. You say my anger seems misplaced and maybe it is just a bit, but her actions led to me being hurt in ways I can't even describe to you. I can't just let the anger go, because when I look at her I see him. I see him in my dreams enough as it is. Imagine having to see a reminder of your abuser at family functions or dinners."

Emma felt her heart plummet to her stomach. Out of everything she's been doing to help the woman she had fallen so deeply for, the last thing she wanted was to hurt her unintentionally. She hadn't realized how much Regina was suffering because she was too blind to see what was really going on. She hadn't meant to make her feel like she was just letting go of her trauma. Of course she didn't want that. She felt sick as the reality of Regina's words came crashing down on her. Tears slid down her cheeks and she quickly brushed them away.

"Emma?" She sounded so concerned.

"I was barely a teen, Regina, and I was put in a foster home where the foster father was a drunk. He'd beat his wife and push the kids around. There were five of us. One day I came home from school and I was alone with him. He… he tried to have sex with me. He touched me but he didn't get the chance to go through with it because one of my foster brothers walked in. I ran away that night. I couldn't go back because I couldn't bear the thought of sitting across from him at the dinner table. I felt sick to my stomach and I felt a hopelessness that shook me to the core. And now here I am. An idiot for not realizing how much we were pushing you. Of all people I should have seen this and I'm so sorry for not listening to you."

"Why didn't you ever tell me that story?" she asked with worried eyes, reaching out to caress her cheek.

"I just buried it so deep. I didn't ever want to feel like that again. I don't want you to feel like that when you see her."

Regina's hands started to shake and she buried them in her lap. Mary Margaret. The name was sour on her tongue. She was meeting with her today for their session with Archie. One of the reasons why she was so anxious. That anxiety led to her nightmares.

"Regina?"

She turned away from Emma and grabbed her tea, except her hands were shaking so hard, the liquid splashed over the rim of the mug and onto the floor.

"Shit!" Emma cursed, cupping the mug in Regina's hand and steadying it. She pulled it away and set it on the coffee table. "Careful love, you'll burn your…" she stopped when she turned to the brunette and saw how shakened she became from the accident. It was as if a flip had been switched. Regina's breaths were labored, her gaze fixed to the spilt tea on the floor. Her eyes were brimming with tears and Emma could see the fear reflected in them.

"Oh my god! Regina!" Emma was gently turning her so she'd face her instead. "I didn't mean to scare you. Hey, love look at me. You're ok. You're not in trouble. It's just a spill. It was an accident."

She didn't answer.

"Breathe, love," she whispered. "Take a breath. You're not in trouble."

Regina took several breaths, finally becoming responsive. She had frozen for a split second, that old fear creeping up on her. Any kind of spill with food, liquids, or broken dishes was a trigger. Leopold would go into a rage whenever something broke. It didn't matter if it was an accident or not.

"I'm safe, I'm home, I'm with Emma," she whispered, but still not meeting her eyes. "I'm safe."

"Can I hold you?" Emma asked, wanting to ground her with touch and comfort.

Regina nodded and the moment Emma pulled her into her arms, Regina let herself relax in the comfort. The tension eased from her body and slowly she wrapped her arms around Emma as well.

"Do you still want to go through with the session?" she asked as Regina pulled away and cuddled into her side. She looked as if she were about to fall asleep. "I can talk to Mary Margaret, make her understand like you made me understand."

"No," she shook her head. "I need Archie there because I might just rip her heart out."

Regina fell asleep and Emma was the one who was wide awake now. Those words she had uttered worried her. That deep rooted anger scared her. What Regina had confessed, about feeling like they were asking her to just let go of her trauma was one thing, but the anger that was escalating was worrisome. Now, she knew there was no saving this relationship, but she hoped maybe Regina could somehow find a way in letting go of this anger without feeling like she was letting go of her trauma. She just hoped someday she could find some peace within her.

* * *

Regina was shaking the moment they arrived at Archie's office. She was so nervous and anxious and both Emma and Archie could see it. Her hands shook and she barely made eye contact as they exchanged pleasantries with him. The two women took a seat on the couch. Regina's posture was tense. Her hands were buried in her lap and Emma had to remind her to breathe. They had a little while till Mary Margaret and David would arrive. Archie wanted to take this time to talk to the couple and hopefully calm Regina before they came in. He started off with casual questions like how her day was and if she had any plans for the weekend. He asked her about work and Henry and led her into a casual and calm conversation until he could see her starting to relax. Once he was sure she was calm he started asking her the harder questions. He asked her how she's been doing since the last session. If she's had any recent panic attacks or nightmares and how she was dealing with it. She confessed to having one this morning.

"It was of him," she said softly, her hand squeezing Emma's. "I can't… I don't want to talk about it."

"That's ok," Archie nodded. "Is there anything you want to discuss before Mary Margaret comes?" Regina shrugged, and Emma actually perked up at the question but she wasn't sure if she should share.

"What about our conversation this morning. Do you want to talk about that?" she asked. Archie looked at the brunette curiously. He didn't push her though. He waited for an answer. He always made sure she was in control of the conservations.

She nodded.

"Maybe you can help me get Mary Margaret to realize why I'm so angry. I can't let it go. I can't forgive her. I can't just let go of my trauma and forget about what happened to me. I need to be able to heal at my own pace. Maybe someday I can look at her without wanting to strangle her, but right now I need her to back off. At first Emma couldn't understand. She meant well…" She looked at Emma and gave her a knowing look. "But she didn't understand why I was angry. We have been having the same fight since we moved in. When I woke up this morning from my nightmare, we sat on the couch with some tea and I opened up. I was able to make her understand that anger wasn't just misplaced. It makes me physically ill when I see her because I'm reminded of what she did. I'm reminded of him."

"I see," Archie acknowledged. "And Emma, why was it that you felt the need to hold everyone together?"

Emma looked like a deer in the headlights for a moment until she felt Regina squeezing her hand. She wasn't used to opening up about her past, but if this beautiful woman who sat beside her holding her hand can open up about her traumas, then so could she.

"I never had a family. I was just afraid of losing them." Now she felt like she was the one shaking. She felt her heart racing and then she felt warm lips on her cheek.

"You're doing great," Regina whispered and that was enough to calm her.

"After talking and not fighting for once I realized I shouldn't be encouraging Regina to let go of her anger towards Mary Margaret. It isn't my place. We kind of connected over a similar time in my life and now I realize I shouldn't have been pushing." She turned to Regina and looked into those dark eyes. "I'm so sorry for not understanding sooner. I never meant to make you feel so alone in this."

"Emma," Archie started and both women turned to him. "Regina needs to hold on to the anger. She needs to let herself feel it because then she'd be suppressing all that anger and pain. Maybe one day she would be able to move on but now isn't that time. I'm happy to see you understanding that now."

"I'm actually kicking myself right now."

"Don't beat yourself up over it darling," Regina assured her. "I know you meant well. It wasn't intentional."

"But I should have been better. I mean I was just concerned. Everytime you were around her, I'd see you getting heated and I was just worried."

"I know," she said. "But we talked about it. We got through it and It'll get better, step by step just like you tell me."

"Yeah, step by step," she chuckled nervously, wiping at her suddenly teary eyes before a tear could escape.

Before anything else can be discussed there was a knock on the door. Regina froze in her spot, suddenly becoming rigid as if she were preparing herself. Emma looked at her in concern.

"Regina?"

Archie saw it too. He went over to the door and instructed Mary Margaret and David to wait a few minutes. He then went back over to Regina and took a seat in the armchair across from her once more. He leaned forward.

"Regina, take three deep breaths. We are here with you."

Regina nodded, taking three shaky breaths and squeezing Emma's hand.

"You're ok," Emma whispered, not liking how hard she was suddenly shaking. It was out of either fear or anger for her former stepdaughter, she wasn't sure.

"Remember, you're in control here," Archie reminded her. "I can tell them to leave."

"No," Regina shook her head. "Let's get this over with." Her voice sounded detached, her eyes were hard and Emma could see the unemotional mask going up that reminded her of the woman she had first met.

Archie stood and opened the door, letting Mary Margaret and David in. They both exchanged pleasantries and then sat on the chairs Archie had set out. Regina completely ignored them, her eyes flickering nervously over to David.

"Thank you everyone for coming," Archie started once everyone was seated. His eyes flickered worriedly to the shaking brunette. After spending some time with her, he's learned to differentiate when she was just nervous or actually afraid. Her avoidance of eye contact, the death grip she had on Emma's hand and not being responsive at all to the pleasantries given by David and Mary Margaret told him her anxiety had turned to fear. Was she afraid of them? Or was she afraid of David? He knew she was uncomfortable around men. He also felt like there were too many people in the room and he didn't want Regina to feel uncomfortable. He decided to make a slight change.

"David, I think it's best if you sit this one out. Emma you as well. I would like to talk to just Regina and Mary Margaret."

"Is that wise?" David asked, looking between his fiance and Regina. Regina wasn't looking at him. She wasn't looking at anyone actually. She was shaking in her seat. He was worried about the two of them fighting. Emma rolled her eyes at his question.

"David…" she warned, tilting her head to Regina and when he saw how scared she suddenly was, his gaze softened. He knew she was afraid of him. He was just worried about her and Mary Margaret fighting like they did at the art fair. "Trust that he knows what he's doing."

"Of course," he nodded. He kissed his fiance's cheek, mumbled an apology to Regina and then left the room. Emma moved from her seat and knelt in front of girlfriend.

"Can you look at me, love?" Emma asked, keeping her voice low so only Regina could hear her. Regina slowly met her eyes. "Whatever happens, I'm so proud of you. You can do this. Take a deep breath."

Regina took several and when Emma was sure her breaths were steady and the shaking had at least ceased just a bit since David left, she kissed her cheek and reluctantly left the room. She hated leaving her but she also needed to trust Archie like she had told David. She also knew that this was something both she and Mary Margaret needed to do.

"Let's get started on why we're here. I understand emotions are high right now. You'll both get a chance to speak. Let's start with Mary Margaret." He originally wanted to start off with Regina but could see she wasn't in the mental space to start off. He wanted to give her some time. The younger woman cleared her throat, her eyes flickering to her former stepmother before finding Archie's.

"I know what my father did was despicable. I know he ruined your life Regina. You have the right to be angry at him. I don't expect us to ever be friends but I at least want us to be civil towards each other. You're my family."

Regina felt a deep growl erupt from her chest. She shook her head in disgust.

"Your father spoiled you. Eva held you on a pedestal. Not everything is about you. And yet here we are because I hurt _your_ feelings? What about..."

"But that's not what I…"

"Ok, let's hear her out," Archie gently interrupted.

"I don't see the purpose of this," Regina stated. "This isn't going to change anything."

"But don't you want to try?" the younger woman asked and Regina averted her gaze and crossed her arms against her chest.

"No."

"Mary Margaret, why is it so important to you for Regina to get along with you? You stated you don't expect to be friends again. So where does that leave you?" Archie asked.

"I'm not sure, I guess I just want us to be in a better place than we are now. I just want to help her let go of the anger. Not to mention we're family."

Regina scoffed.

"You're Henry's family. You're Emma's friend. You and I are nothing," she snapped.

"I know you're angry," Archie said calmly. "But lets calmly explain why you're angry. Tell her how you feel everytime she insists for you to let go of that anger. Mary Margaret, listen to her and don't interrupt. You will get your chance to speak."

Regina took a breath. Her gaze was fixed on some point behind Mary Margaret. She couldn't even look at her. The anger was brimming in her eyes and both occupants could feel her practically vibrating with it. It was frightening how much anger she held for the other woman.

"Growing up, it was always about you. Mary Margaret with the perfect parents, the perfect life. God forbid if something ever happened to you. And then it did. Your mother died and your father drank. I was there for you. I comforted you when your life was no longer perfect. And the one thing I asked of you, to stay home and not follow me for once in your life, you couldn't even do. You never thought about consequences as long as you got what you wanted. You made it about you that night. It was because of you we were out on that road. My life changed. Your father brutalized me in ways I still to this day can't even talk about. When I look at you I see him, and it makes me sick that you are my son's family. That we will always be tied together through family. You can't possibly understand, but by all means I should just let my anger go. I should let my trauma and pain go just so Mary Margaret can have what she wants."

Mary Margaret looked at her in surprise. She seemed to have frozen for a second until a look of clarity crossed her face.

"I never wanted this to happen," she said softly, her voice shaking with grief. "I never wanted you to be hurt the way my father hurt you. I didn't know me following you to that party will result in what your life became."

"But it did and you cannot make it your trauma! You cannot expect me to just let my anger go and forgive you and be a happy family. It is not that simple. Life doesn't work like that. I know and I appreciate how much you helped me get back on my feet after I got away from him, but this is it. This is where I draw the line. You need to let me heal."

Mary Margaret looked at her with teary eyes.

"Regina, I just don't want to give up on you."

"I'm not asking you to give up on me, I'm asking you to let me breathe."

"Do you understand what she's telling you?" Archie asked gently.

"She wants me to stay away," she whispered.

"Mary Margaret, look at Regina. Look at the way she is shaking. She isn't making eye contact. She is almost detached from the present situation." Regina flinched at those words, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "Did you notice her not responding to you or David when you greeted her or the way she shied away from David fearfully?"

"No, I didn't," she whispered, her voice shaking as tears slowly streamed down her cheeks. She didn't realize coming in how shakened Regina was. She was so wrapped up in trying to diffuse the other woman's anger she hadn't realized just how hurt and shakened Regina really was. She hadn't realized the depth in which her anger was coming from and why it was so hard to let it go. She had never meant to make Regina's trauma her own or force her to feel like she was being pressured to heal at a rate she wasn't capable of.

"Regina needs to heal at her own pace. Her anger towards you is a part of that. Let her breathe, give her space and let her decide whether she wants to forgive you. It can take a long time, but you need to be patient and you need to be aware of what she needs. I also need you to make sure David is aware and is patient as well."

"I can do that," she said, wiping her tears and looking at the shaking woman across from her. For a moment she couldn't help but think of the beautiful young girl she had grown up with. Regina had always been there for her. She was there when her mother died and her father turned to the bottle to deal with his grief. She was there when her world had come crashing down and then after the night of the accident, no one was there for Regina. She was forced to marry a man she saw as an uncle and endure his abuse all for the sake of her being hurt. That girl she once new was gone. That fire in her eyes was gone and what was left was a woman who was so hurt and angry she could blow up the town if she could.

"Can I say something?" Regina suddenly spoke up and looked at Mary Margaret for a split second before fixing her gaze on her shaking hands she had buried in her lap.

Archie nodded and Mary Margaret listened with undivided attention.

"This was by no means to attack you in any way. I don't mean to make you feel like a terrible person. You are far from that. I just needed you to understand why I'm so angry."

"Thank you, Regina," she whispered, her voice still trembling. "And I don't expect your forgiveness. I don't expect for us to ever be friends again. After hearing what you said, I won't ever expect you to let your anger or grief go just to appease me. I want you to heal on your own terms, and who knows maybe one day it won't hurt as much anymore. Maybe one day it can be better but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I'll always have hope for you to be at peace whether I'm a part of that peace or not."

* * *

Emma was sitting on a bench outside of the building as she waited for Regina. She was nervous. She wasn't sure what to expect from this session. Her leg bounced nervously just as David approached her with two take out cups from Grannies. He sat beside her and handed her one.

"Thank you," she said, taking the cup and taking a sip of the warm coffee.

"I think I need to apologize," he said and Emma looked at him in confusion. "To Regina I mean," he clarified. "I shouldn't have snapped at her at the art fair. I should have diffused the situation before it got worse."

"Thank you David, but you have to understand she is trying her best and I know Mary Margaret is too, but us trying to force them to get along is not what Regina needs. She needs space. She needs time to heal. She needs us to be patient with her."

"I see that now. I also know that she is terrified of me."

"She is," Emma nodded. "And we've talked about that. I just don't think she'd like it if I told you the details, but it's nothing personal against you."

"It's because of Leopold," he practically growled. Emma was surprised at the anger in his tone. "Maybe I can talk to her later?" he asked. "I just want to apologize. Mary Margaret won't be there and you can be with her so she feels safe."

"I'd have to ask her," she said, giving him a small grateful smile. She appreciated the concern and the need to make sure Regina knew he was sorry. However as much as Regina might appreciate the apology, she still had trouble being in David's presence.

"Sheriff Swan," Spencer's voice suddenly interrupted them. Emma and David looked up to see the smug older man standing over them with what appeared to be documents in a yellow envelope. "I'm guessing Professor Mills is seeing the shrink. That would explain why you're sitting outside his office."

"What do you want?" she growled, standing to face him. David stood as well.

"Seeing as how I'm not allowed to go near her, I'll be handing this over to you. Professor Mills is being served."

Emma opened her mouth in shock, her blood running cold as she took the envelope with shaking hands. "What the hell?!"

"That's right," the slimy lawyer sneered. "I'm suing for her biased actions against my nephew for my connection to her ex husband. I'm also building a case to the university about her continuing her job with her poor mental state. Tell her I'll see her in court."

And with that he was gone, leaving both David and Emma seething.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" Emma yelled. "He has no right! He assaulted her in her classroom. His nephew verbally assaulted her as well!"

"He doesn't have a case. I'm sure the court will drop it," David assured her. "And besides, Regina is a highly respected professor. I'm sure the university won't let her go just like that."

"Shit!" Emma cursed, dropping the packet on the bench and sitting down with her face in her hands and elbows on her knees. Regina doesn't need this right now! She doesn't need anything else on top of everything that has been going on.

"This can't be happening," she groaned, looking up at David.

"That bastard is getting a thrill on being a bully," he grumbled. "He and Leopold are exactly the same. It's no wonder why he doesn't have a close family besides his nephew. And even he hates him."

"We're going to fight this David, I won't let him win."

* * *

Emma waited until they got home to tell Regina the bad news. She didn't want to overwhelm her right after her session. She also knew she had to do it before Henry came home from the park where he was playing with the Tillman twins. She didn't want to be the bearer of bad news, but she also knew this was something she couldn't keep from her. She had looked exhausted when she met her outside of Archie's office. She didn't even look at Mary Margaret or David as they said their goodbyes and walked away. She seemed as if she was mentally shutting down. She didn't even want to talk about how the session went. The moment they entered the house Emma told her they needed to talk. That was when she saw the fear in her eyes.

"Hey, you're ok," she assured her, taking her hands and leading her to the kitchen. She led her over to the island counter and coaxed her on one of the stools.

"What's wrong?" she asked shakily, exasperated at having another obstacle to overcome in one day.

Emma sat across from her and placed the yellow packet she had seen coming out of Archie's office but didn't question. She had assumed it was something work related that Emma had picked up from the station.

"Spencer approached me while I was waiting outside for you. Regina, he's suing you for biased actions against his nephew because of his connection to Leopold."

"What?" her voice was deep and angry and Emma shuddered at the intensity of it.

"He's also going to the school board about your mental health."

Regina opened the packet and read over the documents, her mouth was a thin angry line and her eyes were brimming with anger for the sleazy lawyer.

"I don't need this right now," she said with a shaky breath.

"I know," Emma said softly, feeling so bad that she had to give her the news. That she had to deal with this on top of her ptsd. "He's not going to win. Not without a fight. He assaulted you in your classroom and his nephew verbally assaulted you as well. We have leverage against him."

"Ok so what if I win this case against him. He's still going to the school board to get me fired."

"You're a highly respected professor," she reminded her. "Do you really think it will be that easy for him to persuade them you're not mentally fit to teach and then fire you on his word?" Emma asked.

"Maybe."

"Regina, he doesn't have a case."

"Maybe not with the James situation, but as far as my mental health goes… I'm in therapy Emma. I have ptsd. That's a solid case that the board will look into it and fire me no matter how respected I am. Do you even know how I got that job in the first place?"

Emma shook her head.

"I got it through Leopold. It took years for me to even believe I was respected because I was actually good at my job and not because I was the mayor's wife."

She stood and picked up the packet.

"I need to call a lawyer."

"Regina…"

She didn't even respond or look back as she went into the study and closed the door.


End file.
